Formerly blond Twilight star Kellan Lutz is the chiseled abs of Dylan George’s new ready-to-wear men’s collection, and they’ve got him doing what he does best: standing around in various states of undress. Ladies, I believe our Wednesday night just got booked solid.

Usually when you see washboard abs, a hairless chest, buttery blond highlights and manicured stubble, you also see closeups of anal penetration, because you’re watching gay porn. Yet I don’t see a single pair of testicles slapping against Kellan Lutz’ ass anywhere in these pics. Maybe this is one of those “distance ejaculation” niche fetishes that you hear about on the internet. The other guy is probably just out of sight with a fluffer, aiming directly for Kellan’s pec implants.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Okay girls, you know I always try to take care of you. But gawd DAMN is it hard to find pictures of half-naked men! Well, ones that aren’t male models and therefore way gay, and so messes up the vibe. I guess it’s because the paps are predominantly male and are really only interested in taking pictures of women. So I tried to find someone hot and shirtless, but beggars can’t be choosers. Anyway, here’s Kellan Lutz who’s in the shitty Twilight movies, but I must say, he is quite yummy. Dare I say, Team Emmett? Hoo yeah! Enjoy, sexy bitches.

At the premiere of Eclipse with Nikki Reed:

I was all ready to make some hackneyed joke about how “me likey the lychan,” because I was pretty sure Kellan Lutz was one of the werewolves in the new Twilight movie, and the technical name for werewolves is lycanthropes. Comedy gold, right? Yeah, I thought so. But then I thought, “Hang on, I better check to make sure that’s right,” because God forbid I say that dude’s a werewolf when he’s actually one of the Dolturi or whatever the hell they’re called. So then I find myself scouring the internet for Twilight plot analyses and character bios when suddenly it occurs to me — “I’m fucking scouring the internet for Twilight plot analyses and character bios.” Frankly, they just don’t pay me enough for that shit. You can do the research your own damn self.