The 42nd Annual Country Music Awards were last night, and I’m guessing you — like me — don’t really give a shit. But People Magazine thinks you do! They say:

Kenny Chesney earned the prestigious Entertainer of the Year award for the third year in a row on Wednesday. Four-time nominee Brad Paisley didn’t just host and perform at the ceremony – he was one of the night’s major winners, including Male Vocalist and Music Video of the year for “Waitin’ on a Woman.” The singer’s co-host, Carrie Underwood, was named Female Vocalist of the Year for the third year in a row.

I’ve tried to like country music — I really have — but I just can’t seem to do it. Frankly, the only way I could have found this show any more boring is if it also included a symposium on “The Effects of Agricultural Diversification on the Economic Structure of Uzbekistan” as performed by the cast of High School Musical 3.

Taylor Swift looking fantastic in Kaufman Franco:

Reese Witherspoon in Marchesa:

Carrie Underwood in Roberto Cavalli:

Nicole Kidman and faggy husband Keith Urban:

Shania Twain (hot) vs Faith Hill (NOT):

Jewel in Roberto Cavalli and Miranda Lambert:

The newly Asian Diana Degarmo:

Kellie Pickler in Zuhair Murad and Lee Ann Womack:

Taylor Hicks. Ruben Studdard. Fantasia Barrino. All American Idol winners, and all has-beens. So why would Kellie Pickler, who was in sixth place when she got booted off American Idol, and dumber than a pile of rocks, still be showing up in the news? Well, I think it might have something to do with two things, one rhymes with wand, the other with sits. Those two things, my dear friends, cover a multitude of sins. I think it says so in the Bible.
Exhibit B, from Kellie’s myspace page.

The Bland and Borings American Music Awards were last night, and I, like you, really don’t give a shit. People magazine regales us with

The American Idol vibe was alive and well at the 35th Annual American Music Awards. Idol alum Carrie Underwood picked up three more trophies… for favorite country album, favorite country female artist and an audience text-in award for favorite artist.

Chris Daughtry, the other nominated Idol, joined his eponymous band Daughtry at the podium three times as they won favorite pop-rock album for Daughtry, as well as breakthrough artist and adult contemporary artist. The night’s other big winners included Akon (soul/R&B male), Rihanna (soul/R&B female), and Justin Timberlake (pop/rock male and soul/R&B album).

Well, I distinctly remember Color Me Badd winning an American Music Award in ‘92. Same goes for Michael Bolton (’93), Kenny G (’94), and Ace of Base (’95). So instead of doling out an American Music Award, you could just hand Carrie Underwood a couple of dog turds laying in a pile of glitter and and call it a day. I’m sure it would mean just as much.

Carrie Underwood:

Kellie Pickler:

Rihanna:

Fergie: