Double-chinned songstress Kelly Clarkson has apparently eighty-sixed her squeaky clean “American Idol” image. The Post-Chronicle reports:

Clarkson, who also recently appeared on stage with Metal Skool clutching a bottle of Chivas Regal, has been dealing with the issue of a video of her and [adult filmmaker and Society 1 mastermind Matt] Zane riding in the back of a van and toilet papering [Evanescence's] Amy Lee’s house… “Kelly Clarkson’s people are pissed,” a source from NRG Studio said, adding that they pressured NRG to take action against YouTube to remove the clip of the vandalism.

I’m sure the execs at NRG were more concerned about the width of Kelly’s ass in the video than they were about her porn-y company and childish vandalism. I don’t imagine they wanted any un-photoshopped pics of their client’s rear end floating around on the net. It pains me to say it, but fat people just don’t belong in the entertainment industry. Unless they’re an actor playing the part of a fat person, of course, or posing in a bathing suit for one of those disgustingly hilarious three-tiered greeting cards at Spencer’s Gifts. Don’t get me wrong — fat people are still an important part of our society. You know, for “pointing” and “laughing at.” And also “tripping on the playground.” I know I wouldn’t want to live in a world without fatties. No, sir. It’s just that I don’t want to buy any of their records.

You can get an updated version of the video of Kelly chucking toilet paper at Amy Lee’s house here.

The original American Idol Kelly Clarkson sang at Tony Bennett’s 80th birthday celebration in Hollywood last week. I mean, I guess she sang. Provided all that extra fat she’s packed on didn’t turn the song into garbled nonsensical mush. Which it probably didn’t, because Aretha Franklin can still sing, and she could fit two of Kelly under her right tit and you’d never be the wiser. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t still baffle me, though. I’m always surprised when discernible words emerge from a fat person’s mouth. I always expect a kind of Fat Albert/Cookie Monster/bleating goat noise instead, and then when actual words come out I can’t help but jab a few fingers into the extra chins and folds of flesh around their throats and say, “How the fuck are you doing that?” It’s one of life’s great mysteries. You probably already guessed that I’m a real hit at parties.

More pics of the zaftig Kelly after the jump.

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One of our stalking pirates spotted Clay Aiken, aka Gayken, at Kelly Clarkson‘s concert on Monday: “Last night, in a highly choreographed public outing, Gayken took in the Kelly Clarkson concert in Raleigh, NC., with fellow Idol contestant Rueben Studdard. So choreographed was the appearance that after entering the venue Gayken and Rueben took time before the show to stand up and wave to the crowd. What perhaps was more interesting than the appearance though that has the fans in a tizzy was the notable absence of Gayken’s typically ever-present WWJD bracelet and the presence of mysterious unamed but very visible guy sitting next to Gayken all night (lending more credence to the “rumors” of the type of guys Gayken likes). The best ever though, watching Gayken sing along with Miss Independent. Priceless! Here’s some pics from the event – note the pic of Gayken from behind shows that his new much-talked-about hairdo does nothing to help his thinning spot.”

More pics after the jump.

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Kelly Clarkson is so ugly that when she comes out of the water, everybody screams “Free Willy!”

More nature’s wonder after the jump.

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