Season 9 Cast of Dancing With the Stars Revealed

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The “Dancing with the D-list Stars” season 9 lineup has officially been announced, and boy is it chock full of losers and nobodies you’ve never heard of. The less-than-impressive roster includes:

Macy Gray –Macy Gray first burst onto the music scene with her debut album “On How Life Is” and the hit single “I Try,” both of which went to number one.

Melissa Joan Hart –Known for her starring roles in the television series “Clarissa Explains It All” and “Sabrina the Teenage Witch,” Hart starred in the ABC Family Original Movie “Holiday in Handcuffs” opposite Mario Lopez.

Kathy Ireland — Kathy Ireland, the super model is now wife, mother of three, author, Sunday school teacher and fashion CEO, of kathy ireland Worldwide®.

Mya — Multi-platinum artist Mya, became a star at the age of 18 with three top 10 singles. Her fourth and fifth studio albums have been released in Japan.

Mark Dacascos — Famously known as host of Food Network’s “Iron Chef America,” Dacascos has appeared in several feature films including “Brotherhood of the Wolf,” “Only the Strong,” “Only the Brave,” and “The Lost Medallion.”

Ashely Hamilton — Son of former “Dancing with the Stars” contestant George Hamilton, Ashley co-wrote the top 10 Robbie Williams hit “Come Undone” and has writing credits for Hillary Duff and a starring role in “Sunset Beach.”

Michael Irvin — One of the most successful wide receivers in the history of the NFL, former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin is a three-time Super Bowl champion and former broadcaster for ESPN’s “NFL Countdown.”

Donny Osmond — Osmond won the hearts of millions as a member of the Osmonds. Donny and [sister] Marie are currently performing at the Las Vegas Flamingo Hotel through 2012.

Tom DeLay — The former House Majority Leader is a prominent Republican and first elected to Congress in 1984.

Natalie Coughlin — Olympic swimming gold medalist Natalie Coughlin is the most decorated female athlete of both the 2008 Beijing and 2004 Athens Games.

Joanna Krupa — Polish-born Joanna Krupa moved to LA to pursue a career in modeling and acting. She’s been featured in E!’s “The Sexiest” and was selected as the cover model for Ocean Drive magazine.

Debi Mazar — Mazar’s feature film debut in Martin Scorsese’s “Goodfellas” set the stage for an extensive career in both television and film, [including] “Friends,” “Ugly Betty” and her own sitcom, CBS’ “Temporarily Yours.” She presently stars as publicist Shauna on HBO’s hit series “Entourage.”

Kelly Osbourne — Singer, actress and media personality, Kelly’s father is rock icon, Ozzy Osbourne, and her mother is well-known TV personality, Sharon Osbourne.

Aaron Carter — Younger brother of Backstreet Boys Nick Carter, Aaron Carter has appeared on “Lizzie McGuire” and “7th Heaven,” as well as [singing] vocals on soundtracks for “Disneymania Ella Enchanted,” “Pokeman” and “Rugrats the Movie.”

Chuck Lidell — Chuck Liddell is the face of the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Liddell [was] the light-heavyweight champion of the world [and] was also inducted into the UFC Hall of Fame.

Louie Vito — Professional snowboarder Louie Vito is among the U.S.’s elite snowboarders favored to make the 2010 Olympic team. The 21 year-old is also a two-time winner of the USSA Grand Prix Halfpipe Series.

Wow, Macy Gray and Kelly Osbourne? Sorry, but I don’t think you can legally have that much sexy in one room. Not without several handlers armed with tranquilizer guns and on of those steel mesh harnesses, anyway. You never know when they might get spooked and go on a ranch-dressing fueled rampage.

Thar She Blows, Kelly Osbourne Off the Port Bow

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Buddy the Elf had to cross the seven levels of the Candy Cane Woods and go through the Sea of Swirly Twirly Gum Drops before he made it to the Lincoln Tunnel. Kelly Osbourne must have taken the Bologna Forest and Italian Sausage Meadow shortcut.

Nearly drowning fiance Luke Worrall in Miami:

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Kelly Osbourne in Rehab

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kelly osbourne rehab

Kelly Osbourne checked herself into rehab on Wednesday. Third trip, for those of you keeping count. According to Star Magazine

Kelly checked into Hazelden Alcohol and Drug rehabilitation center in Newberg, Oregon, on January 21st.

“Yeah, Kelly’s in rehab,” Sharon confirmed to RadarOnline.com. “What else can we say? She knew that it was the right thing to do at this point and we’re proud that she did it. The family is all standing behind her. Kelly knew that she needed help and she’s getting it.”

Sharon said Kelly is expected to stay for at least the next 30 days but did not specify what Kelly was getting help for.

Well, the good news is she can always moonlight as Petunia Pig’s doppleganger after she gets out. The world’s your oyster, Kelly!

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Kelly Osbourne Arrested for Assault

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kelly osbourne assault

Kelly Osbourne was arrested yesterday for allegedly slapping some broad in a Soho nightclub last summer. The Daily Mail says

Witnesses claim [Osbourne] flew into a rage after gossip columnist Zoe Griffin said her fiancé, Luke Worrall, was stupid.

Griffin is said to have taunted Osbourne, 24, that Worrall, 19, did not know what an earthquake was. The incident occurred in the Punk nightclub in August.

Call me naive, but I did not see Kelly Osbourne as the violent type. She struck me as more of a “chasing sour cream around a dinner plate with nacho while standing in line at the buffet for the third time” kind of girl. Perhaps that’s what they mean when they say “you can’t judge a book by its cover.” No matter how fat and disgusting its cover might happen to be.

At the Fox All Stars Party with her family:

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Kelly Osbourne, Speaker of Truth

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Victoria Backham & JLO

Kelly Osbourne’s my new hero. Check this out: NineMSN says,

Big-mouthed Kelly Osbourne couldn’t help firing out a round of verbal abuse towards fellow guests at New York Fashion week, lashing out the ‘fake’ friendship of Victoria Beckham and Jennifer Lopez.
“I know it’s not my place to say… but I’ve never seen two people pretend to like each other more in my life. They were holding hands, but it looked like Victoria was holding a s***ty bit of toilet paper,” she confided, not very subtly, to Heat magazine.

BOO-YAH! That had to be the highlight of the show amidst all the air-kissing and pretentious clothing. High five, Kelly!

Kelly Osbourne at the Marc Jacobs Spring 2009 NY State Armory earlier this month:

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