Kelly Preston has played beard to John Travolta for almost twenty years now, but their sham of a marriage is about to be revealed to the public. Nine MSN says:

John Travolta’s family has been dealt another blow as reports emerge that he has been allegedly cheating on his wife — engaging in “lewd sex acts with other men” as part of a “secret gay spa subculture.”

“John Travolta has been cheating on Kelly for years!” said Robert Randolph, author of the memoir “You’ll Never Spa in This Town Again.” “And when the details emerge, he’s gonna make Tiger Woods look like a boy scout.”

When asked for comment, John Travolta reportedly said, “Ooh, Tiger Woods as a boy scout… yummy! Where do I sign up?” and impishly covered his mouth with his hand while making his best I’m-so-naughty face.

John Travolta and Kelly Preston have confirmed that they are expecting a a screaming human larva to be expelled from her uterus sometime in the late fall. Star Magazine says

“It’s impossible to keep a secret … especially one as wonderful as this,” the Travoltas wrote on their web site.

The Hollywood stars — who suffered the devastating loss of their son, Jett, in 2009 — are expecting a baby.

“Kelly is about three months pregnant,” an insider [says of] the 47-year-old actress, who’s also mom to 10-year-old Ella. “Both she and John are absolutely over the moon — they knew in their hearts that the time was right for this to happen.”

I don’t know how a woman half a century old and a gay man go about making a baby, but you can bet your sweet bippy it wasn’t courtesy any penis-in-the-vagina action. I’m thinking more along the lines of lab coats and test tubes and organ music in an old stone castle on a dark and stormy night.

Kelly in a bikini, because according to a recent USA today gallup poll of Jerkoffs Who Are Looking for Naked Pictures of Celebrities on the Internet Instead of Doing Actual Work, boobs are waaaay more interesting the babies:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

TMZ is reporting that John Travolta’s 16-year-old son, Jett, died today in the Bahamas while vacationing with Travolta and his mother, actress Kelly Preston. Jett was rumored to have been autistic, though Travolta denied it, saying he suffered from Kawasaki Syndrome, which often leads to heart disease.

Travolta’s attorney Michael Ossi says Jett suffered a seizure at his family’s vacation home at the Old Bahama Bay Hotel on Grand Bahama Island. Attempts to revive him were unsuccessful and he died on scene.

Very sad, and a really screwed up way to start the new year.