If there’s one thing pregnant chicks like, it’s when you take close-up pictures of them eating in a bathing suit. Turning up the heat ten or fifteen degrees in a car with all the windows rolled up is a close second.

Kendra Wilkinson in St. Lucia with husband Hank Baskett:

Oh, this I gotta see. Former Hugh Hefner depository Kendra Wilkinson claims she’s going to be on the straight and narrow in raising her upcoming child. NineMSN says,

Newlywed Girls Next Door star Kendra Wilkinson insists she’s going to be a strict mother and wants her child to grow up with Christian values.

The 23-year-old, who last month wed American football player Hank Baskett, said, “Our child will definitely be Christian. We’re going to be strict as well but make sure he or she is spoilt with love.”

The former Playboy Playmate said she is enjoying every moment of her pregnancy — she’s even got some baby names picked out.

“If it’s a boy, Hank the fourth, and if it’s a girl Arianna — we love Arianna. I’m feeling so good, I’m in my second trimester now at 14 weeks and I’m feeling like a whole new person, I feel great.”

I suppose that depends on what you’d call strict. She could mean that she wouldn’t let a daughter wear a thong until she’s at least ten, young lady, no implants until you’re 16, and definitely NO sleeping with old men until you can get AT LEAST $50,000. You don’t want to throw your pearls before swine, you know.

With Hank at the Transformers premiere

“Girls Next Door” star Kendra Wilkinson and Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett were wed at the Playboy Mansion on Saturday. According to Us Weekly

Wilkinson’s [ex-boyfriend] Hugh Hefner [and] former Girls Next Door costars Bridget Marquardt and Holly Madison were among the 500 guests.

Her brother Colin walked her down the aisle. Hef was originally slated to do the honor but Wilkinson changed her mind.

Not many guys would be down with your getting married at your ex’s mansion. Especially if your ex was going to be sitting in the audience surrounded by the other whores with whom you used to have lesbian threesomes for his entertainment. Hef might as well have thrown used condoms and Viagra at him instead of rice.

Kendra Wilkinson and fiance Hank Baskett are expecting their first child.  From People:

The Girls Next Door E! reality star told E! News’s Marc Malkin, “Hank and I are thrilled to announce that we are expecting our first child together. We are touched by the outpouring of support by our family, friends and fans.”

In February, Wilkinson, 23, told PEOPLE: “We always talk about [having kids]. He wants kids so [badly], and I do, too.”

Wilkinson even went so far as to tell PEOPLE that she and Baskett, a wide receiver for the Philadelphia Eagles, were already working on names.

“My first initial is K and my middle name is Leigh, so we were thinking of Kaleigh,” she said. “And he’s Hank Baskett III, so of course I’m going to have a Hank Baskett IV!”

Engaged since November, Wilkinson and Baskett, 26, plan to wed June 27 at the Holmby Hills, Calif., mansion of her former boyfriend, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner.

This poor kid has no hope at all of a normal life.  I mean, even regular kids are dumb as hell and they do stuff like poop on the floor and lick electrical sockets, but this baby’s parents are both so stupid they’re barely functional.  The kid will likely never learn how to talk in whole sentences and will probably spend most of its free time eating bugs and trying to fly.  It could have a fantastic career in the circus, though… not everybody would be so willing to climb inside a bear’s mouth and then set their own hair on fire.

At the “Red Tie Affair” Red Cross benefit in Santa Monica in March:

Now that “Girls Next Door” star Kendra Wilkinson has moved out of the Playboy mansion and gotten engaged, she’s spilling the beans on what it’s like having been Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend. Namely, that she had to sneak out of the house to get a little non-82-year-old wiener action from time to time. She told The Sun

“Besides the nights we went out, I only saw Hef, like, once a day walking through the halls to his office - there were never solo dates. I had to have sex every now and then, so I had to kind of sneak it.

[Fellow girlfriend and co-star] Bridget [Marquardt] told me that she’s been faithful all these years, and I was like, ‘How the hell can you do that?’ I had to have sex so I could feel my age, like a healthy human being.”

I’m sure you felt less like a human being and more like a sea bass futilely sucking on worm-scented Goby lure. You could probably have just as much fun with five inches of uncooked bread dough and a couple of kiwis in an old stretched-out gym sock.

Kendra Wilkinson cheating on Hugh at the House Bunnies Party:

Pull out your hankies, boys and girls — Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson is engaged! Fairy tales really do come true! You know, the fairy tales where the wiggery slut with the fake tits ditches her pimp for a big black dude. You might have heard them referred to as “pornos.” Anyway, E! Online says

Philadelphia Eagles hunk Hank Baskett proposed to her atop the Space Needle this past weekend. [Kendra] seemed completely shell-shocked at the ring. H.B. even got down on one knee to pop the big [question].

I bet Kendra was surprised. It was probably the first time a guy had knelt down in front of her without trying to get a look at her leather doughnut. And to think that dummy went with a ring when all he really needed was a stack of singles and a forty of Schlitz! You might have heard it referred to as “irony.”

Halloween exists for two purposes:

1. Eat a shit ton of candy
2. Dress like a slut, go to a party, act like a whore and get wasted

Celebrities are firm believers in upholding these timeless traditions (or at least #2), and this year is no different.  Here’s a Halloween 2008 Slutty Costume Roundup.

Kim Kardashian’s ass dressed as Wonder Woman at some masquerade yesterday:

Heidi Montag and that toolshed she hangs around with dressed as attention-craving retards:

Kendra Wilkinson as — wait, is this a costume?  I can’t tell:

Mariah Carey and her wife, Nick Cannon, dressed as cookies & milk (because they’re idiots) at their costume party at Marquee in NYC yesterday:

Mariah Carey and her wife, again — this time dressed as “sexy firefighters”:

Traci Bingham as Officer Boobage yesterday:

Shauna Sand dressed as… an orange whore (I guess) on Oct. 25th:

Now that Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson have both confirmed their splits with Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, the big question on everyone’s mind is, “Where will Hef try to stuff his soggy old-man-penis now?” Cue the Shannon Twins — Karissa and Kristina — blond, buxom, and a whopping nineteen years old, making Hugh old enough to be their great-grandfather. Side note: this may be the first time in recorded history that someone has referenced an 82-year old man’s wiener without once using the words “bedsores” or “urine scalding.” This has to be one for the books, people!