Get out your hankies, because ‘Khloe & Lamar’ is getting canceled. Guess all you Sasquatch enthusiasts are going to have to go back to viewing the same old, grainy footage again.  TMZ says,

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian have decided to pull the plug on their spin-off show “Khloe & Lamar.”

Sources tell TMZ, the show’s second season will be its last … because Lamar wants to focus on reviving his fizzling NBA career.

As we previously reported, Lamar was relegated to the Dallas Mavericks’ inactive list after putting up career low numbers this season. If he’s lucky, he’ll be traded. If not, who knows …

But we’re told Lamar is determined to make a comeback — and he feels he should focus on only one project. Lamar will be living in L.A. full-time and he’s hired trainers to help him get his game back.

According to sources, Khloe and Lamar WILL make occasional appearances on the reality mother ship,”Keeping Up with the Kardashians” — but that’s it. No mas.

Surprise! Outside the magical land of reality television, you can’t sit on your ass doing nothing and expect to make it big. You have to actually, you know, do something worthwhile. Why do you think the Kardashians naturally gravitated toward reality shows?

Leaving their hotel with Kim Kardashian in New York:

Photo source: Fame Pictures

Want to know what’s wrong with our society today? Just read this story. Seriously, it makes me want to disown American society as a whole. TMZ reports,

The Kardashian family has just signed on for 3 more seasons with E!, and it’s the richest deal ever in reality TV … TMZ has learned.

Sources connected with the deal tell us, the family will get more than $40 million for 3 more seasons of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”

The 6th season of the show averaged 3 million viewers. The 7th season begins airing May 20.

Our sources say the $40-plus million deal does not include product endorsements and other items associated with the show that Kim, Kris and the rest of the brood are able to hock.

I could go on and on about how it’s possible that a family of famewhores who have no real purpose other than to think of how else to whore themselves out could be paid $40 fucking million dollars, but then I just look at Kim Kardashian’s face and it’s like God damn, what the fuck is up with the layers of makeup? I can almost hear her pores crying out for oxygen. It’s as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

After stripping down for their “I’d Rather Go Naked” campaign three years ago, Khloe Kardashian has decided to end her relationship with PETA. She wrote on her official blog:

I’m sure you all heard [that Kim was flour-bombed last week], and I just received word that the woman responsible has very close ties to PETA, despite PETA publicly stating otherwise. Not only has PETA lied to the public, but they have proved that they support this kind of behavior. I’ve been a vocal supporter of PETA for a long time but I have also been very vocal about anti-bullying, so this was a huge disappointment for me. As you all know, I don’t condone violence and bullying and what happened last Thursday was just that. I am absolutely disgusted by their behavior. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions — I personally don’t wear fur but that doesn’t mean I am going to force my views on anyone else, ESPECIALLY by violating them. I am a very proud sister right now, because Kim handled last week’s incident like a champ. She got cleaned up and was back out there in a matter of minutes. Go Kimmie!

We all need to practice what we preach. I will still continue to NOT wear fur, but I will no longer support PETA. Bullying and harassment is NEVER a solution, and I won’t be a part of any organization that thinks otherwise.

Oh, come off it already. PETA has been flour-bombing people since 1985. The word “flour bomb” is practically synonymous with PETA. Throwing red paint and flour on people is what they do. What Khloe’s actually saying here is that none of that really mattered until it happened to her personally.

The Kardashian Klan is being sued for $5 million because, like everything that comes from that family, the diet pills they were hawking are Krap. Yeah, shocker, right? Says TMZ,

Kim Kardashian and her sisters waged a campaign of LIES when they claimed they got their rock hard bikini bodies from a diet pill called QuickTrim … this according to a new $5 MILLION lawsuit.

The point of the suit — a bunch of people in NY claim there’s no POSSIBLE way QuickTrim could’ve helped Kim, Khloe and Kourtney lose weight … because the main ingredient is caffeine. According to the suit, “The FDA has determined [caffeine] is not a safe or effective treatment for weight control.”

Enter the Kardashians … celebrity spokespeople who are featured on just about every single product QuickTrim sells.

According to the suit, filed in NY by Bursor & Fisher, the Kardashians fed lies to the public through commercials, magazines and social media since 2009 … like when Kim went on Twitter and said, “Our QuickTrim cleanse will be massive! Khloe has already lost so much weight.”

The plaintiffs claim they would NEVER have purchased the QuickTrim products if they would have known the truth … and claim the Kardashian testimonials were completely unsubstantiated.

Now, the Kardashians, QuickTrim and various companies that sold the products are being sued for more than $5 million in damages.

So far, no comment from the Kardashian camp.

I don’t know what’s more amusing about this article: That anyone would be idiotic enough to believe that the Kardashians aren’t all plastic surgery and Photoshop, that people would out themselves as said idiots, or that the Kardashian’s bodies are being described as rock-hard. Soft-boiled, yeah. Rock-hard–not so much.

Kim at QVC’s “Buzz on the Red Carpet Cocktail Party”:

If Bigfoot falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? This is a perplexing question to consider as you watch Khloe Kardashian attempt to ride a sex swing she installed in her bedroom. Of course, I suppose that’s a moot question since she and her other God-forsaken sisters don’t take a shit without cameras rolling. Says Too Fab about the incident,

Khloe Kardashian is many things — wife, reality star, entrepreneur — but sex swing installation expert isn’t one of them.

During last night’s season premiere of “Khloe & Lamar,” the Kardashian sister decided it was time to spice things up with hubby Lamar Odom in the bedroom.

Instead of hiring someone to hook up a swing over her bed, Khloe decided to do it herself … with disastrous consequences.

Right as she and Lamar were about to put it to the test, the swing crashed down — with Khloe in it!

“I’m embarrassed and I’m trying to push the limits and do something new,” she said after. “But I’m not a handyman.”

So, she’s embarrassed to call a handyman, but not to tape herself in what should have been a private moment and air it on TV? Bitch, please.

Oh look, Kim K doing the only thing she’s good for: showing off her body in a bikini:

Khloe Kardashian fervently denied allegations that she was the product of an affair that mom Kris Jenner had with her hairdresser twenty years ago, maintaining that Robert Kardashian, and not Alex Roldan, was her father. Which is weird because today, her 14-year-old sister Kylie posted a photo of her with Alex Roldan with the caption: ‘First official photo of my sister and her dad! Like father like daughter!” I can kinda see the similarities, but I’m more inclined to believe Khloe was the product of an affair Kris had with a Sasquatch. A brow ridge like that is really more cryptid than human.

You already knew that Kim Kardashian was a vapid self-absorbed twat, but even I hadn’t fully grasped the voracity of her own ego until now. The Daily Mail says:

Kim Kardashian was seen reading a Google Alert about herself on her Blackberry when she ran errands in Los Angeles earlier this week.

The system notifies users when a particular name crops up in the news, so that the person in question can keep up with the world is saying about them.

And 31-year-old Kim was seen stopping as she checked out what the press was saying about her that day.

As Kim clutched her phone a message clearly reading ‘RE: Google Alert – Kim Kardashian’ was legible on her screen.

Before we judge, maybe it wasn’t the display of insatiable vanity and abject narcissism that it appeared on the surface. She was probably just checking her Google Alerts to make sure she was still famous. She knows as well as you do that her 15 minutes are long since up.

Photoshopped into another dimension in their krappy denim kollections for Sears:

This will neither shock nor surprise you, but it turns out the overpriced shit the Kardashians hawk at their stupid Dash stores is actually manufactured in overseas sweatshops. Who could have ever fathomed the Kardashians were soulless money-grubbers? I know this is certainly the first I’m hearing of this. Radar Online says:

Items in the family’s high-end K-Dash by Kardashian label and the Kris Jenner Kollection, and ShoeDazzle, a company that Kim cofounded and endorses, are all manufactured in… squalid factory-run dormitories filled with the stench of sewage while toiling up to 84 hours during seven-day work weeks to produce some of the goods that helped the rest of their family earn $65 million last year.

Shockingly, the impoverished workers earn just a paltry $1 an hour, with temperatures inside non-air-conditioned factories soaring to over 100˚F. Workers in the region can come out with as little as $15 a month once rent and food debts have been paid to their bosses.

“You can’t talk during working hour… You can’t listen to music; you can’t stand up and stretch. You can’t even put your head up and look around, or you will be screamed at. If you get permission to use the toilet, you get four minutes. If you’re highly specialized, you cannot even go to the bathroom.”

The allegations about Kardashian products in this post have nothing to do with their products sold at Sears.

See, this is exactly why you don’t want to get your associate’s at the Kathie Lee Gifford School of Business.

At the Kardashian Khaos store at the Mirage Hotel & Casino in Vegas last week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

There’s one thing that popped into my head when seeing these pictures of the Kardashians and the Jenners gussied up in their tacky finery for the launch party of The Kardashian Kollection at Sears. Scarlett from Gone with the Wind quoting what Mammy said about her and Rhett: “She said we could give ourselves airs, and get ourselves all slicked up like race horses but we were just mules in horse harness and we didn’t fool anybody.” I know, that’s a little harsh. Mules are fine, dependable creatures in the animal kingdom with a useful purpose. Comparing them to this crowd is an insult to hard-working mules everywhere.

The Kardashian Kollection doesn’t officially arrive in Sears stores until August 25th, but you can buy it online today as part of a special pre-sale to celebrate its launch. In case the name didn’t give it away, though, the line’s komplete krap. A lot of lycra and synthetic fibers and Kambodian sweatshop finesse. “Highly flammable” will probably be the nicest thing any product review will have to say about it.

Kim and Kris and the kamera krew, milking her father’s grave for ratings:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Kim Kardashian is a woman with something to prove. And no, it isn’t that she has a viable excuse for being alive, it’s that her ass is real. Digital Spy reports,

Kim Kardashian has revealed an X-ray of her bottom to prove that it’s real.

The Kourtney & Kim Take New York star’s sister Khloe posted a photograph of Kim posing next to an X-ray of her famous behind on her official website this week.

An accompanying message reads: “Hey dolls. The PROOF is in the X-ray. Kim’s ass is 100% real!!! (sic)”

Kim wrote on her own Twitter feed: “Haha! The things my sisters have me do! Proof baby!… See, it’s REAL!!! LOL.”

Oh yes, I absolutely believe it’s real. But let’s expand on the term “real”. Technically, the tissue that I stuff into my bra is real; tissue is a real, tangible object, making my larger (if somewhat lumpy and misshapen) bustline real. It’s all how you spin it. Fat injected into your ass is absolutely real. Kim K, you’re going to get up awfully early in the morning to outsmart this D-cup!

Khloe Kardashian made the mistake of wearing a see-through shirt and no bra when she went on Fox & Friends with sister Kourtney this morning, and of course the inevitable happened: she slipped a nip on live TV (Fox has since pulled the video). But according to my copy of “Hog-Farming for Beginners,” pigs have anywhere from eight to twelve nipples, so one of Khloe’s teats was bound to pop out sooner or later. I just hope this doesn’t mean we get another six weeks of winter.