The Daily Mail has pictures of Lisa Marie Presley and husband Michael Lockwood leaving L.A. restaurant Madeo last night. Although that hideous circus tent of a dress is just begging for a wimple or thirteenth-century barbette and crespin, we can’t forget about Kid Rock’s gay cousin up there. When asked for comment, Michael reportedly said “Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple” and then broke into an acoustic version of “Don’t Come Around Here No More.”

Large version (pun INTENDED) of the header photos after the jump

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Singer Kid Rock attempted to make good on his October 2007 Waffle House arrest by returning to the scene of the crime as a short order cook for charity. The Associated Press talked with the throngs of fans outside the Dekalb County Waffle House yesterday morning:

First in line: Ashley Miles, 21, from West Virginia and her mother, Terri. They arrived at 8:30 p.m. Monday and waited all night. “I love him; he is gorgeous,” the daughter said.

Next in line: Alisha Mullen and husband Wes, who arrived at 3:30 a.m. from Point Pleasant, West Virginia. They brought sons Carson Taylor, 7, and Brady Taylor, 10. When asked what he would say to Kid Rock, Carson smiled and said, “I’m a cowboy, baby.”

You could get the same elite collective by scraping the bottom of your boots outside Gwinnett County Wal-Mart or emptying the local drunk tank on a payday. Fact: if it smells like Skoal Long Cut, Old Grand Dad and Stetson Aftershave, you can bet your sweet bippy it’s a Kid Rock fan. Run fast, run far.

How do you know when to address someone as “esquire?” You could look for a top hat and gilded cane, of course, or maybe white gloves and a British accent. But the easiest way to come across an esquire is to wait in a Waffle House parking lot for a fight to erupt and voilà! Esquires all around. NY Daily News reports

Kid Rock, whose real name is Robert Ritchie, and five members of his entourage were charged with simple battery after the predawn fight with a man police identified as Harlen Akins. The fracas erupted as Kid Rock and his crew pulled up at the Waffle House restaurant about 5:15 a.m. after a gig in Atlanta. Akins, 39, got into a shouting match with a female friend who was accompanying Kid Rock’s posse and then got into a physical fight. Kid Rock, 36, and his pals jumped into their tour bus and drove off, but cops said they stopped the bus nearby and arrested them.

It’s pretty much a fact that the mullet is the modern-day man’s princely crown. His F150 is his noble steed, his roadie crew his band of merry men, and his gonorrhea a coat of shining armor. Being with Kid Rock is just like living in a fairy tale! Only with more Boone’s Farm and burning when you pee.

Kid Rock’s disproportionately attractive girlfriend May Andersen:

UPDATE: Now with mug shot!