If you watched the Kids Teen Choice Awards last night, you’re either 1) in middle school; 2) gay; or 3) gay and in middle school. But that’s not the point here. The point is, even if you did watch the show, this little clip of Dane Cook telling Vanessa Hudgens, “Girl, you gots to keep yo clothes on! Phones are for phone calls, girl!” was noticeably absent. That’s because Fox cut it from the broadcast, which was actually filmed Sunday night. But thanks to the power of the internet, you still get to see Vanessa Hudgens’ stupid face when he calls her out for those topless pics in front of an entire theater audience of her peers. Interestingly, this marks the first time in my life that I’ve watched anything starring Dane Cook for more than 0.03 seconds. It has to be one for the books, people!

UPDATE: I mistakenly wrote “Kids Choice Awards” instead of “Teen Choice Awards.” To those of you who noticed and sent me outraged indecipherable text speak emails: you’re fags. Duly noted.

At the KCAs TCAs:

Despite an online petition with more than 2,166 signatures demanding his removal from the Kids Choice Awards’ “Favorite Male Singer and Favorite Song” category, Nickeloedeon had refused to remove Chris Brown’s name — until he voluntarily withdrew his own name yesterday. His rep said in a statement:

“Chris very much appreciates the support of his fans and the honor they have paid him in the way of nominations… Unfortunately, the controversy surrounding the incident last month has shifted the focus from the music to whether he should be allowed to be among those nominated.

While Chris would like to speak to his fans directly about this and other issues, pending legal proceedings preclude his doing so at this time. Once the matter before him has been resolved, he intends to do so.”

In response to the public outcry against Nickelodeon, their rep released the following statement:

“Like all our KCA nominees, Chris Brown was nominated by kids several months ago based on his work as a performer, and the kids who vote will ultimately decide who wins in the category.”

So Nickolodeon now stands behind teen pregnancy and domestic abuse? Well, good for them! This oughta open the door for a whole lot of new sponsors, including Skoal smokeless tobacco and Freedom Home brand double-wide trailers. There’s big money in that there Nascar demographic!