31-year-old reality whore Kim Kardashian confirmed today that the upcoming season of Keeping up with the Kardashians would feature her new boyfriend Kanye West. Because featuring her last boyfriend worked out so well last time, you see. The Daily Mail says:

‘I’m not going to be taking a bubble bath and drinking champagne or on a sex swing [on camera] like Khloé and Lamar do,’ Kim told E! News. ‘It’s not going to be like that.’

But Kim said fans can expect to see Kanye on the show, with Kim saying: ‘I want to show my life.’

I wish Tupac Shakur were still around. Then he could bitch-slap Kanye for agreeing to star on a fucking E! reality show. After he’d pistol-whipped him for that extended director’s cut of “Runaway,” of course. I figured that really went without saying.

Kanye West was at the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala Monday night, but noticeably absent was his famewhore girlfriend Kim Kardashian. That’s because she was BANNED FROM ATTENDING by legendary Vogue editor Anna Wintour herself. Buuuuuuurn! According to Radar Online:

“Anna hates Kim,” a source says. “Why would she be invited to the event? It is all the biggest stars in the world and Kim doesn’t fit that bill at all. The Met Gala is $25,000 a ticket, but Kim can’t even buy her way in, Anna Wintour does NOT want her there!”

“Kim and her camp will deny that she wasn’t invited by saying that she had business in L.A., but that is a lie,” the source says. “She would of done anything to be there with all the A-listers.”

And if banning Kim from the Gala weren’t reason enough to stand up and applaud Anna Wintour, she ices the cake of cuntery with this glove slap to the cheek:

“Anna Wintour would allow Kim Kardashian on the cover of Vogue over her dead body… as long as Anna in charge you will NOT see Kim on Vogue.”

Also invited to the Gala that Kim was banned from attending? Victoria’s Secret model Anja Rubik. And after seeing her dress, you can rest assured that it’s no coincidence her last name rhymes with “pubic.” That dress is one misstep on a hem away from being full-frontal on the red carpet.

I see London, I see France, I see Anja’s… wait, no I don’t:

According to Radar Online, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are already talking marriage, with mom Kris Jenner practically shoving them down the camera-studded aisle. Insert appropriate gagging noise here.

Things are heating up at a breakneck speed for Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, with wedding talk already on the table for the new lovebirds, but will Kim walk down the aisle a second time on camera? Yes, if her momager Kris Jenner has anything to do with it, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

Kim has already backtracked on her vow to keep her romantic relationships private, enjoying a PDA packed night with the hip hop mogul last week, all caught on camera for her reality show, and now it looks like history will be repeating itself again, as Kim considers putting yet another wedding out there for all to see.

“Kris Jenner is ecstatic that Kim is dating Kanye; she can see their celebrity stock and wealth rising by the day,” a source close to the Kardashians tells RadarOnline.com. “She is pushing hard for Kim to get her claws into Kanye and would love it if he proposed. She has already told Kim that if they make it down the aisle they are going to do it on camera again; there’s just too much money to be made for Kris to allow this to be done privately.

“You would think most moms would be keen for their daughter to take it slow, especially seeing as Kim’s divorce still isn’t finalized from the last fiasco. But, Kris just marks Kris Humphries down as a major mistake to be forgotten and is eager for Kim to move on to bigger and better things, which, she believes, Kanye definitely is.”

Kim Kardashian is undoubtedly the most over-exposed famewhore this planet has ever seen. I went outside yesterday and I saw a spider’s web that had an intricately woven message that read, “Fuck you, Kim K”. True story.

With sister Kourtney at the E! UpFront premiere presentation:

A trip to our nation’s capitol wouldn’t be complete without trying to find some way to pimp your daughter; at least that’s what Kris Jenner thinks. She thinks her darling daughter Kim Kardashian would do a bang-up as mayor. Seeing as how politicians are generally sleazy and narcissistic, she does kind of have a point. OK! Magazine says,

At the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, Kris Jenner chatted about the intersection of politics and entertainment. That is, she commented on Kim Kardashian as the potential mayor of Glendale, Calif.

The momager told The Hollywood Reporter, “I think somebody in Glendale was talking to her about holding the mayor position. I think Kim is so busy right now, but who knows? Stranger things have happened.”

And would have to keep happening, since Glendale does not elect its mayor! The honorary post is awarded annually to a member of the city council.

Still, Kris added, “Actually, she would be amazing at holding office, because she’s so smart and she’s got the kind of personality that she can handle something like that, but I think right now, we’ve got our hands full at the moment.”

Yes, she’s got the ability to really get down on her hands and knees, and do whatever it takes to take one for the team. Just think of the impact she could have on her fans to get out there and cock rock the vote.

At the D.C. Correspondents’ Dinner:

It’s gonna be a real who’s who of useless twatterdom at the annual Washington Correspondents’ Dinner this weekend, because in addition to Lindsay Lohan, reality whore Kim Kardashian will also be in attendance. TMZ says:

Kim Kardashian and Lindsay Lohan will be seated at the same table Saturday night at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.

Kim and Lindsay were both invited by Fox News Channel and they will be face-to-face at the table, sources planning the event [revealed].

I bet it didn’t take much to convince Kim Kardashian to show up. All Fox had to say was, “There’s gonna be a black guy and lots of cameras.”

What the hell kinda outfit is this:

Want to know what’s wrong with our society today? Just read this story. Seriously, it makes me want to disown American society as a whole. TMZ reports,

The Kardashian family has just signed on for 3 more seasons with E!, and it’s the richest deal ever in reality TV … TMZ has learned.

Sources connected with the deal tell us, the family will get more than $40 million for 3 more seasons of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”

The 6th season of the show averaged 3 million viewers. The 7th season begins airing May 20.

Our sources say the $40-plus million deal does not include product endorsements and other items associated with the show that Kim, Kris and the rest of the brood are able to hock.

I could go on and on about how it’s possible that a family of famewhores who have no real purpose other than to think of how else to whore themselves out could be paid $40 fucking million dollars, but then I just look at Kim Kardashian’s face and it’s like God damn, what the fuck is up with the layers of makeup? I can almost hear her pores crying out for oxygen. It’s as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

A “pal” of the couple’s (i.e. Kris Jenner) went blabbing to the tabloids that Kanye West is “genuinely head over heels” for reality harlot Kim Kardashian. I’m assuming that’s referencing some sorta Armenian sex position. Us Magazine says:

“It’s not a PR stunt,” the source insists of the rapper and reality star. “They’re perfect for each other. He thinks she’s his Beyonce!”

Indeed, after years of a flirty friendship — West pursued Kardashian “for a long time,” another source says — the stars were finally aligned for the twosome (who share a fondness for luxury and the spotlight) to finally get romantic.

Is there a word for the searing rage and white-hot vitriol that the mere sight of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West incites? Ah, yes — tequila. BRB.

At LAX with her sisters:

As a guy who’s “been there, done that” with Kim Kardashian (booyah!), Kris Humphries has a few words of advice for Kanye West: Better you than me, bro! Radar Online reports,

Kim Kardashian’s soon-to-be-ex-hubby, Kris Humphries, has some words of advice for the reality star’s new boyfriend, Kanye West. Humphries is telling his friends that the rapper is going to need a lot of patience and luck in his new relationship with Kim, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

Despite reports that say Kim and Kanye started dating just two weeks ago, our sources tell us that Humphries says that it has been on again-off again between his estranged wife and the Grammy award winning singer for much longer.

“Kris knows for a fact that this dalliance between Kim and Kanye has been going on for at least the last two years. Kim kept in touch with Kanye after she married Kris and promised him that she would cut off communication with him, but she never did. Kris is suspicious of the timing of Kim deciding to go public with the relationship because the new season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians is premiering in May, and Kanye has released a new album,” an insider tells us.

“Kris knows that Kanye NEVER would have recorded those lyrics about Kim without her permission, period. Kris wonders if Kanye is going to drink the ‘Kardashian Kool Aid’ as he calls it, because if you aren’t a family member and don’t fall in line with what Kris Jenner dictates, you are persona non grata.

“When Kris found out about Kim going public with Kanye, he told his friends he wanted to tell West, ‘good luck dude, you are going to need it.’ Kris knows that while he was with Kim, he was completely faithful, and he has serious doubts that she could say the same,” the insider adds.

Well, no shit, Sherlock. You don’t pick a flower that’s been peed on and then expect it to smell nice, now do you?

The Kardashian / Jenner clan going to church on Easter like good Christians:

Kim Kardashian talked about those rumors of her and Kanye West hooking up on The Today Show this morning. And by “talking”, I mean, “doing what I assume is her ‘pretty laugh’ and batting her eyelash spiders and lying between her teeth”. Radar Online says,

Kim Kardashian played it coy on The Today Show Friday when asked about her blooming romance with Kanye West, as the media-saavy reality TV star left her comings and goings to the public’s imagination, a day after she and the controversial rapper spent the day in New York taking in The Hunger Games.

When Today host Ann Curry asked her about the rumored hook-up with the 34-year-old hit-maker, Kim played her cards close to the vest.

“I completely respect and understand that you have to ask these questions … Kanye and I have been friends for years,” the E! Star said. “You never know what the future may hold.”

As we previously reported, in Kanye’s new single Theraflu, he holds little back, rapping about how he “fell in love with Kim.”

Of course, RadarOnline.com readers will recall we reported in January about Kim and Kanye’s paths crossing, following Star magazine’s exclusive chat with Kanye’s ex Amber Rose.

“They were both cheating,” Amber told Star exclusively, saying Kanye and Kim hooked up while they were both in high-profile relationships: Kanye with her and Kim with NFL running back Reggie Bush. “They were both cheating on me and Reggie with each other.”

I have to admit, that video is the first time I’ve ever watched Kim talk. I think a little part of me died. My innocence is gone, and I’ll never get that back. Thanks a lot, Kim.

Trying not to be photographed together after having a lunch date:

Photo source: Fame Pictures

Kim Kardashian, according to a “source”, is ready to move on from her marriage to Kris Humphries to more narcissistic grounds. Namely, Kanye West. This is also know in theological circles as, “The Whore of Babylon and The Beast pairing in a culmination of ultimate abomination”. Says Digital Spy,

The two, who were first spotted on a date on Wednesday (April 4), have been romantically linked a number of times.

“They’ve been friends for years,” a source told Us Weekly.

“Kim is ready to give it a try now,” the insider added.

The alleged couple enjoyed lunch together on Thursday, eating at the Serafina restaurant in New York City, according to TMZ.

In March, Kardashian laughed off rumors that she was involved with the rapper.

I don’t even want to think about the implications of the combined power of their narcissism could bring. I heard that in the Apocrypha, that upon hearing of their unholy joining, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse curl up in little balls, rocking back and forth, wailing for heaven to come down on their heads. It’s that bad, people.

Strange, I never knew you could actually work out ass implants. I figured when you got them, your anus was converted to act as the air valve, and a few pumps with the bicycle pump would perk up you right up. Well, I suppose a bike pump in your ass would perk anyone up, but that’s beside the point.

Welcome to nylon and spandex purgatory, or else this is part of some scared-straight program for wayward bikini fabrics. Either way, I’m done with cottage cheese for the next few weeks. Ugh.

Kim and Kourtney Kardashian in the Dominican Republic this weekend: