There’s a new penis in Paris Hilton’s life, and this one comes attached to her ex-BFF-turned-BFF-again boyfriend’s brother Benji Madden! But how will we know if this love’s for real, you ask? Easy. The ring she’s wearing says it all.

Or maybe it says nothing. Oooh! Page Six says

The celebutante showed up with the new bling for the launch of celebrity stylist Kim Vo’s Salon at The Mirage in Las Vegas. The event’s organizer, Ben Russo… asked the heiress what the BM ring meant, [and] Paris said: “It means what it means.”

Your first instinct is to assume she’s being cryptic about the new penis, but the fact is there’s a whole lot out there that can lay claim to the initials B.M, so I don’t want to go around putting words in the heiress’ mouth. Especially when her mouth is probably already full of wiener to begin with. So I’m just going to make a couple of educated guesses as to the meaning of her mystery ring and let you all decide.

10. Bowel movement. Obviously.

9. Butt munch. Look, I never said this list was sophisticated, asswipe.

8. Boston Massacre. It smells like American Revolution!

7. Ball masticator. Fancy talk for nut-sack gobbler. See #9.

6. Blind Mice, 3. See how they run!

5. Barry Manilow. Because he writes the songs.

4. Branson, Missouri. Come visit the Baldknobber’s Motor Inn!

3. Beaver maggots. We’re talking Paris Hilton here. Self-explanatory.

2. Bacterial Meningitis. Because she’s dirty, and not in a good way.

and the number one thing Paris’ BM ring might possibly stand for:

1. Braying moron. Because she is one.

You didn’t think I’d let you go all day without another Britney update, did you? Ho, ho. Let’s not be silly. Today’s Daily Britney is all about her new fabulous ‘do, courtesy of celebrity colorist Kim Vo. People says

Vo arrived at her Beverly Hills home on Thursday afternoon – the day after her early release from UCLA’s psych ward – and worked with the troubled pop star for four hours in a spare bathroom.

Finding her scalp and hair in great shape – and “her skin is glowing, like a young girls,” says Vo – he streaked her dark brown locks with a caramel color. “We wanted to brighten it up a bit. She’s ready for something new,” he says.

“Brightening it up a bit” must be stylist speak for “scabby patches of visible scalp, like mange on an Irish Setter.” Note to self: no more hair cuts at Pet Smart.

Britney and her new hair “glowing” outside of Millennium Dance Studio this weekend: