Kirstie Alley sat down with Oprah Winfrey yesterday to discuss her recent journey down the greasy, crumb-strewn path to complete fat-assery. Since being fired from her job as spoken person for weight loss company Jenny Craig, the actress has put on nearly 80 pounds due to what she calls “a lack of motivation.” The Daily Mail quotes her as saying

“[What caused the weight gain?] I just said, ‘I’m going to cut myself some slack.’ Big mistake. I thought, ‘You know what I need? You know what I haven’t had a lot of? I haven’t had a lot of dinner parties and company.’

But I’m going to lose 80 pounds [and] I’m going to be in a bikini again.”

It also didn’t help that she turned her home gym into a dining room. That’s like an alcoholic turning his home office into a wet bar or R. Kelly turning his studio into a middle school girls’ locker room.

Which face is the most nauseating? You decide:

To be sure, a muumuu-style sundress isn’t the best choice for making yourself look slim. But Kirstie Alley’s ankles don’t lie, my friends. Neither do those drive-on scales they use at trucker weigh stations or the load-bearing restrictions printed on the underside of a folding chair.

After working for Jenny Craig for the last three years, actress Kirstie Alley is “stepping down” as the spokesperson for the weight loss company. Translation: her fat ass got fired. According to People magazine

“Although Kirstie will not appear in future advertising endeavors for us, she does remain on Jenny Craig’s maintenance program and is confident that our program has helped her,” [says the] vice-president of marketing for Jenny Craig. “She’s proud to have been able to participate in the creation of Jenny’s award-winning advertising campaign, and says she’s thankful for the opportunity to help so many other people lose weight and keep it off.”

She’s also grateful for KFC’s big box variety meal and Sam’s Club bucket o’ bread pudding. And those Fresh Bath-Bathing Wipes for those days you’re too fat to bend over in the shower.