53-year-old Madonna reveals that she kissed 29-year-old rapper Nicki Minaj on tomorrow’s episode of “Anderson.” Be still, my pants. The Daily Mail says:

Madonna [said], ‘It was [Nicki's] birthday and it was actually the end of one of those long days of shooting and we were all giving a birthday toast to her. After a few sips of champagne I kissed her, yes.’

The pair recently collaborated on Madonna’s upcoming single, Give Me All Your Luvin’, which also features rapper M.I.A.

Madonna will perform [the song] at Sunday’s Superbowl.

I think I speak for everyone when I say “no thanks.” There’s no footage of the kiss, so you’ll just have to use your imagination, I guess. And if the visual your brain conjures up is just too awful, think about that three-year-old boy with the partially-developed remains of his twin tangled up in small his intestines. Experts agree, it’s still significantly less revolting than thinking about Madonna kissing Nicki Minaj.

I thought this was a photo of Zac Efron having his “High School Musical” co-star Ashley Tisdale get a bird’s eye view of his hair to better check for any unsightly split ends, but a photo of them kissing at her 26th birthday party has since surfaced, so I guess we’re supposed to think he’s not gay anymore. NY Daily News says:

The two stars have long insisted they are noting more than best buds, [but] in one of many hands-on moments, the 23-year-old Efron carried a bikini-clad Tisdale in his arms as he kissed her neck.

In another, the two exited the water together holding hands.

Not exactly family-friendly material, though that’s what Tisdale still claims they are.

“So happy zacary made it to my party,” she tweeted. “He’s my brother/best friend!!!”

The only time you can legitimately make out with your brother is if you’re a resident of West Virginia or Arkansas. They aren’t. You do the math. Unless you’re a resident of West Virginia or Arkansas, in which case math is largely considered a myth, like literacy and dentistry before it.

At her party/beach:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Charlie Sheen is reportedly in business talks with Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, so his cameo during Jimmy Kimmel’s interview with Cuban yesterday didn’t exactly come as a surprise. The lingering man-kiss, however, probably was. Radar Online says:

Upon making his grand entrance, the former Two and a Half Men star, 45, planted a huge kiss on Kimmel, and took the first seat.

“I can’t stay… I can’t stay sorry — silence! I have a show to write damn it!” he said, referring to his stage show.

Sheen then pulled out a few bags of his t-shirts — emblazoned with phrases like “Tiger’s Blood” and “Winning” — and tossed them out to the studio audience.

Sheen then gave Kimmel a coffee mug with a picture of a fox on it, telling the late night host, “I’ll let you figure it out.”

In case you didn’t pick up on the elusive fox-on-a-mug riddle, Charlie Sheen is also reportedly in talks with the Fox Network. The Daily Mail says:

The Hollywood Reporter said Sheen met with senior executives at rival network Fox last week for talks.

The actor sent a cryptic Tweet over the weekend reading ‘perhaps a new lair…? A Fox and a Warlock? epic’ accompanied by a picture of a Fox television logo.

Okay, back to that kiss. Jimmy Kimmel wasn’t wearing a dental dam when it happened, so he probably has full-blown mouth herpes now. Possibly even Hepatitis A and early-onset gingivitis. You can’t be Ground Zero for Charlie Sheen contamination and not suffer any long-term oral side effects.

Before you choke on your retainer and pre-pubescent angst, you should know this kiss between Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson was totally staged for the honeymoon scene in the upcoming Twilight flick “Breaking Dawn.” I’d pretend I cared about this, but I just figured out I could trick my Pokéwalker into leveling up my Pokémon just by shaking it around in my fist for a while, so I’ll be understandably indisposed for the next thirty minutes. I’m sure you could find an ugly fat girl to squeal with outside of Hot Topic.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Hi guys, it’s Sonya again for today, but Abby will be back tomorrow. The MTV Movie Awards were last night, but if you’re like me, I refuse to watch an award show where New Moon wins anything besides a steaming pile of crap. So, the big news was that Sandra Bullock kissed Scarlett Johansson, Mark Wahlberg humped Will Ferrell as they were suspended in harnesses, and Tom Cruise reprised his Les Grossman role from Tropic Thunder while dancing with Beyonce. It’s kind of nice to see him taking himself a little less seriously, but he’s still a creepy midget nutjob, and his “funny” falls kind of flat.  But all I really care about is what everyone was wearing, so down with Xenu and let’s check out the clothes.

100 crows had to die for Christina Aguilera to look this good bad:

Jessica Biel got a few of her leftovers:

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In the wake of a month of non-stop split rumors, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie put on a very public display of affection while she was on location shooting “The Tourist” yesterday. Star Magazine says

After their four older kids begged them to stop fighting, Angelina and Brad have made peace and traveled together to Europe — where Angie’s filming for the next three months to mend their fractured relationship.

In between takes, the couple shared a very public kiss — in front of the crew and waiting photographers — making it clear that, after months of fighting, they’re working it out.

Or Angie has found a new way to orally vacuum Brad’s balls straight out through his mouth like some kind of testicle-hungry Dementor from Harry Potter. It wouldn’t be right to make assumptions when we don’t actually know what’s going on here.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

Adam Lambert wants you to know that’s he not sorry about his controversial performance at the American Music Awards Sunday night; he’s sorry for you and your pathetic close-minded hate-mongering square-iness that can’t look true artistic greatness in the eye and accept it for what it is. He told Access Hollywood

“I’m not an artist that does things for every single person. I believe in artistic freedom and expression, I believe in honoring the lyrics of a song. If [my performance is] edited [for west coast viewers], that’s discrimination. There’s a big double standard, female pop artists have been doing things provocative like that for years, and the fact that I’m a male, and I’ll be edited and discriminated against.

People are scared and it’s really sad, I just wish people could open their minds up… it’s really not that big of a deal.”

Simulating oral sex and S&M isn’t pushing the envelope musically. It’s just a trite and pedestrian attempt at disguising crap as art. You really want to cross boundaries, try working free form jazz and the spoons into a couple of your songs. Now that would be a true testament to talent!

PHOTO CREDIT: ONEXONE.org

The going rate for a hot lesbian kiss with Charlize Theron? $140,000. The actress auctioned off a trip to South Africa, a meet-and-greet with Nelson Mandela, a safari, World Cup tickets and a chance to lay one on her at a live auction for OneXOne charity last night. Us Magazine says

Theron raised the stakes when bidding [for the South Africa package] stalled at $37,000, far below the $280,000 Jeremy Piven had just raised.

To sweeten the pot, she offered up a 7-second kiss for $130,000.

After one man bid $135,000, a woman upped the stakes to $140,000 — ascending the stage for a 20-second smooch as the audience counted down.

You just don’t see enough hot lesbian action when it comes to combating childhood illnesses. I, for one, am glad to live in a world where and “masturbation” and “acute pediatric lymphoblastic leukemia” can be finally used in the same sentence!

Speaking of charity cases, pics of Lindsay Lohan shopping with her tits hanging out:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

John Mayer wants you to know he didn’t kiss a guy at a gay bar in Palm Springs.  US Magazine explains,

The singer, 31, took to his Twitter page to clarify tumors.

“Rumor check: went to gay bar in Palm Springs, yes. Had a blast. Danced my face off,” he began. “Someone there planted a kiss on me? No.”

Mayer — who once locked lips with celeb blogger Perez Hilton – then added, “I don’t like the story painting gays as unable to control themselves. Found the crowd even more respectful than in a straight club. You know who the most flamboyant crowd is? Straight, drunk girls. They’re like a bunch of little Charles Nelson Reillys.”

He is a goddamned LIAR. How do I know? He said he danced his face off, but from what I can tell, his fugly mug is still intact. Zing!

Several anonymous Transformers 2 crew members posted an open letter about Megan Fox on director Michael Bay’s official website — and they were, uh, less than complimentary, to say the least. The NY Daily News says

“We’ve had the tedious experience of working with the dumb-as-a-rock Megan Fox on both Transformers movies,” read the letter, which was taken down from the site after being read by thousands of fans. “And yes we’ve had the unbearable time of watching her try to act on set, and yes, it’s very cringe-able.

Megan is the queen of… trailer trash and posing like a porn star… [and] a thankless, classless, graceless, unfriendly [bitch].”

Boy, that’s practically word-for-word the toast I used at my stepmom’s bridal shower. Except I closed with “And you’re not the fucking boss of me, Tina!” and slammed the door so hard a picture fell off the wall. I always like to aim for a strong finish.

At NY Fashion Week, plus bonus stills of her making out with Amanda Seyfried in Jennifer’s Body after the jump:

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Megan Fox loved getting her lezzie on with costar Amanda Seyfried in the new Diablo Cody movie “Jennifer’s Body,” but Amanda was obviously intimidated by making out with someone so unbelievably hot and rife with raw insecurity sexuality. At least that’s the way Megan saw it. She told Us Magazine

“I felt more comfortable kissing [Amanda] in the movie than kissing any of the other people that I had to kiss. [But] I think she was extremely uncomfortable. I don’t think that — I know that. She was not comfortable and there was a lot of laughing — like, giggling fits that happened in between takes.

[But] I’m pretty sexy in it.”

Because God forbid anybody think anyone other than Megan Fox is sexy in this movie. Especially not Amanda Seyfried. Only Megan can be confident in her sexuality! That’s kind of her schtick, you know? So is being insipid, over-compensatory and one-dimensional — and I’m not just talking about Diablo Cody’s screenplay! Ba-dum chish!*

^{* That’s TWO in one day! I better go lay down now before I hurt myself.}

Even more Jennifer’s Body stills:

Robert Pattinson really flexes the old acting chops with this guy-on-guy kiss in a scene from his upcoming movie, “Little Ashes.” Yep, I’m sure it was a real stretch for him to play gay. Expect to see him in other equally challenging roles such as “angst-riddled teenage fop” and “Pillsbury Dough Boy come magically to life.” I think I smell an Oscar!^*

_{*Or perhaps that’s just Javier Beltrán’s upper lip.}

You know how I know that you’re gay? You’re looking at these pictures of Robert in GQ: