PHOTO CREDIT: ONEXONE.org

The going rate for a hot lesbian kiss with Charlize Theron? $140,000. The actress auctioned off a trip to South Africa, a meet-and-greet with Nelson Mandela, a safari, World Cup tickets and a chance to lay one on her at a live auction for OneXOne charity last night. Us Magazine says

Theron raised the stakes when bidding [for the South Africa package] stalled at $37,000, far below the $280,000 Jeremy Piven had just raised.

To sweeten the pot, she offered up a 7-second kiss for $130,000.

After one man bid $135,000, a woman upped the stakes to $140,000 — ascending the stage for a 20-second smooch as the audience counted down.

You just don’t see enough hot lesbian action when it comes to combating childhood illnesses. I, for one, am glad to live in a world where and “masturbation” and “acute pediatric lymphoblastic leukemia” can be finally used in the same sentence!

Speaking of charity cases, pics of Lindsay Lohan shopping with her tits hanging out:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

John Mayer wants you to know he didn’t kiss a guy at a gay bar in Palm Springs.  US Magazine explains,

The singer, 31, took to his Twitter page to clarify tumors.

“Rumor check: went to gay bar in Palm Springs, yes. Had a blast. Danced my face off,” he began. “Someone there planted a kiss on me? No.”

Mayer — who once locked lips with celeb blogger Perez Hilton - then added, “I don’t like the story painting gays as unable to control themselves. Found the crowd even more respectful than in a straight club. You know who the most flamboyant crowd is? Straight, drunk girls. They’re like a bunch of little Charles Nelson Reillys.”

He is a goddamned LIAR. How do I know? He said he danced his face off, but from what I can tell, his fugly mug is still intact. Zing!

Several anonymous Transformers 2 crew members posted an open letter about Megan Fox on director Michael Bay’s official website — and they were, uh, less than complimentary, to say the least. The NY Daily News says

“We’ve had the tedious experience of working with the dumb-as-a-rock Megan Fox on both Transformers movies,” read the letter, which was taken down from the site after being read by thousands of fans. “And yes we’ve had the unbearable time of watching her try to act on set, and yes, it’s very cringe-able.

Megan is the queen of… trailer trash and posing like a porn star… [and] a thankless, classless, graceless, unfriendly [bitch].”

Boy, that’s practically word-for-word the toast I used at my stepmom’s bridal shower. Except I closed with “And you’re not the fucking boss of me, Tina!” and slammed the door so hard a picture fell off the wall. I always like to aim for a strong finish.

At NY Fashion Week, plus bonus stills of her making out with Amanda Seyfried in Jennifer’s Body after the jump:

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Megan Fox loved getting her lezzie on with costar Amanda Seyfried in the new Diablo Cody movie “Jennifer’s Body,” but Amanda was obviously intimidated by making out with someone so unbelievably hot and rife with raw insecurity sexuality. At least that’s the way Megan saw it. She told Us Magazine

“I felt more comfortable kissing [Amanda] in the movie than kissing any of the other people that I had to kiss. [But] I think she was extremely uncomfortable. I don’t think that — I know that. She was not comfortable and there was a lot of laughing — like, giggling fits that happened in between takes.

[But] I’m pretty sexy in it.”

Because God forbid anybody think anyone other than Megan Fox is sexy in this movie. Especially not Amanda Seyfried. Only Megan can be confident in her sexuality! That’s kind of her schtick, you know? So is being insipid, over-compensatory and one-dimensional — and I’m not just talking about Diablo Cody’s screenplay! Ba-dum chish!*

^{* That’s TWO in one day! I better go lay down now before I hurt myself.}

Even more Jennifer’s Body stills:

Robert Pattinson really flexes the old acting chops with this guy-on-guy kiss in a scene from his upcoming movie, “Little Ashes.” Yep, I’m sure it was a real stretch for him to play gay. Expect to see him in other equally challenging roles such as “angst-riddled teenage fop” and “Pillsbury Dough Boy come magically to life.” I think I smell an Oscar!^*

_{*Or perhaps that’s just Javier Beltrán’s upper lip.}

You know how I know that you’re gay? You’re looking at these pictures of Robert in GQ:

Since ratings are down on ABC’s abysmally boring “Desperate Housewives,” what better way to spark the interest of the coveted 18-34 year-old demographic than a same-sex kiss between Susan (Teri Hatcher) and Gabrielle (Eva Longoria-Parker) ? Us Weekly says

Teri Hatcher kissed a girl — and she liked it.

“I did not kiss [Eva Longoria-Parker]. She kissed me,” Hatcher told Us. “We had fun.”

Oh, it sounds fun, alright. If by “fun” you mean “like watching two scraggly old hens try to peck each other’s eyes out in a barnyard fight.” No thanks.

At the lauchy of the Extra Douchey Juicy Season 2 DVD Edition:

Lindsay Lohan was photographed “necking” with rumored girlfriend Samantha Ronson at P. Diddy’s yacht party in Cannes yesterday. The Sun says

In one shot Lindsay nuzzles the DJ’s neck, while in another they’re holding hands leaving at 5:30 a.m. A fellow guest said: “They looked like proper lovebirds. And they didn’t care who saw them draped over each other.”

Rumours that Lindsay and Samantha were lovers started last year.

In Lindsay’s defense, it’s pretty hard to resist the call of a pork pie hat. Next to a heartfelt ballad played on the didgeridoo or a your collection of mint-condition Star Wars action figures, it’s practically the only thing guaranteed to moisten a girl’s panties. Well, maybe a good kick in the bladder, too. But that’s just not as sexy.

Yielding to the pork pie call in at Dolce & Gabbana in Cannes:

Britney Spears has been getting an awful lot of attention lately, so Paris Hilton decided to swing the limelight her way with a fake lesbian make-out session with “House of Wax” co-star Elisha Cuthbert. Page Six says

Revelers at Tenjune in the Meatpacking District Tuesday night spotted Paris making out with “24″ star Elisha Cuthbert. “They were drinking and dancing, and all of suddenly they just started kissing,” said the onlooker who told us the liplock lasted “about a minute.” Cuthbert’s rep denies the story, although several witnesses confirmed they saw the face-suck.

That’s one of those things that sounds sexy until you get up close. Sorry, but those two are just gross. Paris Hilton looks like a combination of the Goon from Popeye and claymation Gumby and Elisha Cuthbert might as well be my seventh grade gym teacher with that haircut. It’s just like that time I rented this flick called “From Pole to Pole” and ended up with a documentary about the Earth’s inconstant magnetic field instead of the penis-fest I was expecting. Needless to say, I won’t be hitting up PBS for porn anymore. That goes double for the Discovery Channel and TLC. “Wild Down Under” my ass.

Paris arriving at the TRL Tuesday and Elisha shopping at Bristol Farms over the weekend: