The American Country Awards is at best a dingleberry on the taint of music industry award shows, ranking right after the Kids’ Choice Awards in terms of watchability, so I can’t imagine why you would give a shit about any of this. It’s only been around for two years anyway. People Magazine says:
“Artist of the Year” [was] just one of the six awards [Jason Aldean] took home.
Carrie Underwood and Thompson Square each took home three awards, but Toby Keith [won] “Artist of the Decade.”
The ACAs are so phenomenally uninteresting I probably wouldn’t have even mentioned them in the Quickies this afternoon, were it not for host Kristin Chenoweth’s foresight to wear a dress that put her tits on display all night. It’s like the classic back-rank checkmate maneuver in chess. Except, you know, with areolas.
Actress Kristin Chenoweth collapsed Sunday night at the Emmy Awards shortly after winning Outstanding Supporting Actress for her role in “Pushing Daisies.” Page Six says
Chenoweth suffered a crippling migraine and had to lie down in the Lipton Lounge backstage after collecting her award. A source said, “People rushed to help Kristin, but once the paramedics had arrived, she said she was embarrassed.” Her rep says Chenoweth is “feeling better.”
I was all prepared to say her “migraine” was really the result of puking up every other meal and constant coke binges (what is she, 90 pounds?), but it turns out Kristin has a well-documented case of Ménière’s disease, an inner-ear disorder which can cause vertigo, nausea and crippling headaches. Everyone knows that legitimate medical conditions are not very interesting, and if there’s one thing my brief stint writing for the New York Times taught me, it’s that lying is awesome. And also that Republicans are the devil. Therefore, “Kristin Chenoweth is an anorexic meth addict on the verge of complete self-destruction, possibly voted for George Bush!” And you can quote me on that.
