My psychotic instincts may have been a little off yesterday, because it turns out that mock-turtlenecked and be-Burberried-dog-flanked “Sex and the City” star Kristin Davis is in fact the one gobbling a wiener in the picture in yesterday’s post. However, technically, I’m still right, because there isn’t any sex tape — just a slew of naked photos sold by an angry ex-boyfriend. TMZ says

The photos were snapped in 1992 by an ex-boyfriend. We’re told the ex-boyfriend was pissed at Kristin and then sold the photos to a third party.The third party got involved in a business venture with another guy and we’re told that guy pilfered the pics and they ended up online.

Being the classy and distinguished site that we are, I can’t post lewd nekkid pictures here. I can, however, link them. For instance, you could look at this mother-of-God-in-the-name-of-all-that-is-holy NSFW picture here, or you could just look at this picture of a sea squirt and not get fired from your job. They basically look the same. And (NSFW) this? What this fuck is (NSFW) this? I don’t know whether to throw up or touch myself. I guess I could do both, just to save time. It can be just like my wedding night all over again, only with less crying and threatening to kill myself.

An explicit photo of what is believed to be “Sex and the City” star Kristin Davis tongue-bathing some fat guy’s wiener made its way online yesterday. The source of the photo claims the picture is actually a screen cap from the actress’ soon-to-be-available sex tape, but I find that a little hard to swallow¹ because A) Kristen dresses her dogs in little sweaters, as evidenced above, and B) anyone who starred in two Tim Allen flicks back-to-back is clearly into masochism and not your run of the mill fellatio. There should be doilies and cat figurines and maybe a gimp mask somewhere in the background. It just doesn’t add up.

¹_{Pun intended!}

See the NSFW photo made magically LSFW via my mad Photoshop skillz after the jump.

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Are you prepared to get “Carried away” this way May? Yeah, me neither. The official Sex and the City movie trailer finally arrived online today. To be honest, I liked this movie better when it was called “Golden Girls” and aired in syndication on the Lifetime Network. This version has way too many Blanche Deverauxs. It’s like watching those women in television commercials who sit around the table discussing the trouble with their brand-name denture adhesives/irregularity/bone density talking about waxing their beavers and doing anal instead. In New Line’s defense, “cinema gold” and “cinema old” sound a lot alike. Of course, so does “cinema gold” and “enema mold,” but that doesn’t always translate to a box office success, either.

Kristin Davis was photographed on the set of the Sex and the City movie yesterday, wearing a prosthetic pregnant belly — as it seems her character, “the least ugly one” is knocked up in the upcoming film. Oh, whoops — I guess I should have issued a “spoiler alert” to all of the gay men and lonely 45 year old women out there reading. Sorry, but the only thing that could possibly make me give an iota of a shit about the plot of this movie is if Kristen Davis has got a killer mutant baby brewing in there that goes on a killing spree moments after birth, bloodily killing the entire cast. Starting with Sarah Jessica Parker.

More photos after the jump in which (spoiler alert!) no one is messily eviscerated. Unfortunately.

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