For someone who keeps denying he’s a Scientologist, Will Smith sure keeps finding ways to align himself with the religion — this time dropping thousands of dollars to open a new Scientology-themed school in Calabasas. According to TMZ

The New Village Academy’s website indicates that their model of learning is something called “Study Technology” — a method created by none other than L. Ron Hubbard. The school also emphasizes the teaching of ethics and survival — again, big topics in Scientology. While Smith is not mentioned per se on the school’s site, his reps did not deny his involvement.

You know how that old saying goes — if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and swims like a duck, well, then, you probably shouldn’t have sex with it. Those little bastards bite and carry the bird flu. The more you know…

The Church of Scientology is going on the legal offensive after video of Tom Cruise ranting about saving the world through Scientology made its way online, claiming the footage was stolen from their website and threatening to sue anybody who posts it (see the letter they sent Gawker Media after the jump). I personally give it about two hours before they pull the above footage of him talking to and saluting L. Ron Hubbard’s portrait, because this new footage sure isn’t going to help Tommy in his attempts to resurrect what’s left of his career and marketability. The Daily Mail says

[Cruise] has had trouble sleeping and been tearful at times [because he] is entrenched in a crisis… spearheaded by this week’s leaked internet video, on top of the stress caused by the publication of a scandal-drenched biography and his continually misfiring career.

But it is perhaps even harder for him to live down the humiliation of being dumped from a producing deal with Paramount by media mogul Sumner Redstone - because women, including Redstone’s wife, Paula, found him creepy. “He turned off all women and a lot of men,” Redstone said. “Paula and women everywhere had come to hate him.”

If I understand this correctly — and I’m pretty sure I do — you could have a Nazi Klansman child pornographer and Tom Cruise vying for the same role in a movie and there’s 99% chance that the studio would go with the Jew-hating pedophile in Grand Wizard costume. I mean, you can at least relate to that kind of crazy. It’s been around for a couple thousand years. But volcanoes full of hydrogen bombs and operating thetans and past lives and secret levels, well, that doesn’t make any goddamned sense. I’m pretty sure that’s why they invented electroshock therapy and straight jackets in the first place.

Katie arriving at The Late Show With David Letterman, plus some vintage crazy Tom Cruise and after the jump:

(more…)

Princess Di biographer Andrew Morton has another tell-all book about to hit the presses, and this one targets Hollywood-Heartthrob-Turned-Scientology-Overlord Tom Cruise. Morton makes several shocking allegations against the star, namely (via the NY Daily News)

Cruise, 45, is second-highest leader in his controversial Church of Scientology, and… 20-month-old [daughter] Suri may have secretly been fathered by late church founder L. Ron Hubbard. Fanatical Scientology insiders wonder if third wife Katie Holmes “had been impregnated with Hubbard’s frozen sperm. In her more reflective moments, Katie might have felt as if she were in the middle of a real-life version of the horror movie ‘Rosemary’s Baby,’ in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil’s child.”

I imagine the time for “reflective moments” came when she found herself waking in a metal tube without her short term memory or her original hair. That’s a scary fucking couple of minutes, believe you me. Nobody’d cut my hair and I didn’t wake up in a metal tube, exactly, but there was this one time I came to beneath a willowy gray figure staring down with silver eyes and a mouth that spoke without moving. I couldn’t remember anything past four o’clock the day before and I had a distant feeling that I had once been wearing pants and not bleeding from the anus. Luckily, the alien turned out just to be a parking meter and I hadn’t been inseminated with anybody’s demon seed. I’d just taken a bunch of Klonopin and passed out near Broad and 4th. See, you can’t make babies in the butt! Science is almost always on my side.

Katie shopping with the devil child on her birthday: