The trailer’s up for Lindsay Lohan’s new turd of a movie, and boy is it everything you’d imagined it to be. Trite, painfully unfunny, bereft of any real effort or originality and packed with kind of no-name d-listers that ooze out of the bowels of SNL and cling to Hollywood’s listless asshole like a couple of metaphorical dingleberries. I guess what I’m really saying is that pretty much any “shit” metaphor works here. I’m also saying that you should keep a roll of Charmin near your desk if you plan on watching the whole thing. It’s the cinematic equivalent of doing cannonballs with Metamucil and Ex-Lax.
Boy, I don’t know about you, but I suddenly have a hankerin’ for cassava melons. And beef tips. Big, pink, puffy beef tips. Maybe it’s just one of those “sympathy” cravings that you catch from being around pregnant people. That totally explains all the uncontrollable gas and mood swings today!
More of Lindsay Lohan flexing the ol’ “acting muscle” (re: boob) on the set of Labor Pains:
Lindsay Lohan and girlfriend Samantha Ronson have patched things up after a very public lovers’ quarrel over the weekend. The Daily Mail says
The pair had a huge fight during dinner at Katsuya restaurant, with one onlooker [saying]: ‘Lindsay kept ignoring Sam all night long as they ate. Then she [Lindsay] made a huge scene and stormed off.’
However the pair had worked out their differences by yesterday afternoon. Samantha was spotted visiting Lindsay on set of her new film Labor Pains, where she received a very warm embrace from the actress.
It’s always nice when lesbians kiss and make up. Even better when they invite the rest of their lesbian girlfriends over for a little lingerie pillowfighting/nude oil wrestling and ask you to videotape it. Unfortunately, that usually only happens if your name is “Dirk” and you have a ten-inch wiener and a German accent. For such is the way of life!
Having dinner with Lily Allen and with Sam on the set:
Lindsay Lohan’s career managed to surface from the shitter and cling precariously to the rim of the bowl on Monday when producers of her new romantic comedy “Labor Pains” finally found someone stupid enough to insure her. According to Rush and Molloy
“Labor Pains” producer Rick Schwartz kept getting turned down by insurers. “[Schwartz] could only find one insurance company to cover her, and even then he really had to vouch for her.”
[A Plum Pictures spokesperson said] “Our insurance and bond reps have been impressed with her good behavior. Whatever personal issues she may have had in the past, it is clear to me that work is her total priority. She wants to make this role and this film a success, and I truly believe in her.”
Well, here’s one guy who has no problem attesting to her work ethic: Bobby Brown’s son Landon. Showbiz Spy reveals
Landon enjoyed a fling with Lindsay Lohan in a nightclub’s toilets [in 2006. Landon said,] “Lindsay followed me to the bathroom during a party and, well, we basically got together. We were just staring at each other and she walked by. I walked into the bathroom and she followed me in. I think she knew who I was.”
So would that be considered “working hard,” or “hardly working?” Ha ha! We all know it doesn’t really matter as long as the word “hard” is involved. Or the word “penis.” She’s a real workhorse when it comes to hard penis.
