Lady Gaga is in this month’s issue of L’Uomo Vogue magazine. I have no idea what this magazine is about, but it looks like they rolled her around in the garbage compactor aboard the Tantive IV. All I can say is, spray her with gold paint and she’d have C-3PO short circuiting.
Rumors are flying that 25-year old singer Lady Gaga has started bathing in blood as part of a Satanic ritual meant to ward off evil spirits (no, really) after maids found the bathtub in her London hotel room covered in what appeared to be blood. The Daily Mail says:
Staff at the plush Intercontinental Hotel in London were shocked when they went to clean Gaga’s room and found blood in the bath.
However, the red substance has not been identified as blood.
One housekeeper [said]: ‘Lady Gaga left large amounts of blood in the suite during a stay this summer. The incident was reported to the concierge, who was told to put it out of her mind.’
‘All of the hotel’s staff are convinced she was bathing in it or, at the very least, using it as part of one of her new costumes or weird stage routines.’
Gaga is believed to be terrified of evil spirits and reportedly has every hotel and tour venue scanned by a team of paranormal investigators before she will agree to stay there.
The Edge of Glory singer allegedly splashed out £30,000 on state of the art Electro Magnetic Field meters to detect spectres.
Now, we don’t know that she was bathing in blood for sure. Maybe she just put on her meat dress and rolled around in the tub for a while. Because what else is she gonna do with a fucking meat dress? Making cliched and trite political statements at the MTV Video Music Awards and rolling around in your bathtub is really all a meat dress is good for. That’s why you’ll never see me in one after Labor Day.
Blah blah Lady Gaga blah blah ridiculous costume blah blah Barneys:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Lady Gaga’s former personal assistant has filed a lawsuit against the singer saying that she is owed thousands of unpaid overtime. I figured if she was going to be sued for anything, it would be auditory damage from being required to listen to her songs on a regular basis. Go figure. The Daily Mail says:
Lady Gaga’s former personal assistant has launched legal action against the Poker Face singer, claiming she was overworked and underpaid.
Jennifer O’Neill, from Long Island, was employed by the star for 13 months, accompanying the 25-year-old her on her Monster Ball world tour last year.She alleges that she put in 7,168 hours of unpaid overtime and is now owed more than $380,000, according to a report in the New York Post.
The 41-year-old claims she had to cater to the singer’s at times unreasonable demands around the clock.
She insists she had to ensure ‘the promptness of a towel following a shower and serving as a personal alarm clock to keep [Gaga] on schedule.’
She was not given breaks for meals ‘or, at times, even sleep,’ and needed to be available at the star’s ‘earliest waking hour’ or for ‘spontaneous, random matters in the middle of the night,’ according to the court papers.
O’Neill, who was paid $75,000-a-year, also had to ensure ‘the availability of chosen outfits’. Gaga is, of course, famous for her eccentric wardrobe and once wore a meat dress to MTV Video Music Awards.
She filed the lawsuit in Manhattan federal court last week against the superstar’s Mermaid Touring company for unpaid overtime.
My math skillz may be off a tad, but I’m not sure how you can work 7,168 hours of overtime in 13 months. In any case, for $75,000, even I’d hand Lady Gaga a towel for her freshly-washed penis and keep her on schedule with a blowhorn to the ear. Hell, I’d tell her that she’s the greatest, most original artist in the history of the world for that much money. I may loathe her, but principals are for the wealthy.
Lady Gaga introduces Japan to flapjacks:
I swear, I am so fucking over Lady Gaga and all her stupid alter egos and her stupid-ass costumes and birthing pods and prosthetic bones. The whole schtick is tired. I wish God would finally do some of that smiting he’s always talking about in the Old Testament. No way the Almighty’s just gonna let that bitch slide.
Lady Gaga’s “Marry the Night” music video is out, and it’s full of the pretentious batshit insane stunts that you’d expect from her. Nudity, getting up close and personal with a box of Cheerios, a hospital ward and ballerinas all happen before the stupid song even starts (way at the 8:13 mark). And when the actual song starts, it all becomes clear why she goes through so much length to dazzle you with crazy–the song is mediocre shit. The only way this video could have been redeemed would be to veer into a creepy snuff porno where someone plugs her mouth with Cheerios to shut her up and she chokes to death. Now that is what I would call art.
Lady Gaga bemoans her inability to be “truly cherished” by a man in the January issue of Vanity Fair. What naked single leg hip extensions have to do with that I’m sure I don’t know. The Daily Mail says:
In a stunning admission she told Vanity Fair: “I have never felt truly cherished by a lover. I have an inability to know what happiness feels like with a man.
I have this effect on people where it starts out good… and then they hate me.”
Gaga said she’s endured emotional break-ups that have been followed up with impromptu proposals.
But her response is: “How fuckin’ romantic, you asshole. Sure pop a ring on my finger and make it all better. I can buy myself a fuckin’ ring!”
That’s right, she can buy herself a fuckin’ ring. And she can fuck herself, too, what with the penis and everything. So what the hell does she need you for? You’d really just be in the way.
25-year-old Lady Gaga is an oil-drenched mermaid in what I’m sure is some cliched political statement about gays or fat people or Mother Earth on the cover of Visionaire 61. I’d never heard of Visionaire 61, either but it seems it’s a pretentious magazine for insufferable artsy types, designed to “give iconic artists and image-makers the forum to take their visions to a massive scale.” The Daily Mail says:
The artistic photographs were shot by famed photographers Inez van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin and are accompanied by a quote from the singer saying: ‘There is no oil too thick as to destroy the imagination.’
The publication is limited edition and comes at a hefty price.
A Standard Edition of the magazine measuring 36 inches x 49.48 inches costs $375, with only 2,500 numbered copies available.
And a Deluxe Edition measuring 57.48 inches x 79 inches costs a pricy $1,500, with a minimal 250 numbered copies available.
Lady Gaga also won a bunch of shit at the MTV Europe Music Awards last night, but I didn’t bother looking up what she won because they were European. They don’t really count. They’re the awards equivalent of Canadian football.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
This gives a whole new meaning to the term “hair pie,” doesn’t it? Ugh. It’s what Cousin It would look like after gender-reassignment surgery and a week on “RuPaul’s Drag Race.”
Posing with fans in London last night:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Lady Gaga left her London hotel for the ITV studios today wearing a see-through dress and what appeared to be a pair of Mr. Potato Head glasses that a giant dog worked over for thirty minutes. On the plus side, though, the glasses help keep you from noticing her tits right away. It’s like someone filled two stretched-out old gym socks full of vanilla pudding and draped them over her shoulders.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
After playing her pretend boyfriend in the video for “You & I” back in July, “Vampire Diaries” star Taylor Kinney is now playing real-life boyfriend to Lady Gaga. The Daily Mail says:
[Taylor and Lady Gaga] have been seen together on three consecutive days, starting with drinks at [a] seaside bar where Taylor lives on Sunday.
A patron said, “I couldn’t tell it was her at first. It just looked like some hot couple making out, but then I realized it was Lady Gaga. Everyone went nuts.”
The next day the pair were spotted holding hands while walking along Mission Boulevard… and on Tuesday they were seen at the beach.
Congratulations, Taylor. You just went from being That Guy from the Vampire Diaries to Lady Gaga’s Boyfriend. If it’s fame and notoriety you seek, it’s definitely a step in the right direction. But if it’s “being the only one with testicles” you’re after, then you should probably run like hell.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Lady Gaga gets laid bare in the upcoming issue of Harper’s Bazaar in a supposedly makeup-free photo shoot that reveals her “natural” self. Natural except for the eye shadow, eyebrow bleach, lipstick, powder and wig she’s wearing, of course. The rest is all Gaga. The Daily Mail says:
Lady Gaga, 25, has stripped off the layers of foundation and modesty to talk candidly with Harper’s Bazaar about the person behind the costumes, while posing for a rare natural cover shot.
‘Whether I’m wearing lots of makeup or no makeup, I’m always the same person inside,’ said the singer.
Thank God for all the makeup. More makeup, I say. Keep that shit under wraps. I, for one, am glad we can’t see who she is on the inside. That’s where she keeps her shame and undescended testicles.
This new look is actually her latest persona “Nymph,” which she debuted in the first of five “fashion films” for “You And I” called “Haus Of U featuring Nymph” after the jump (no, seriously):
Lady Gaga has found a way to wrest the attention away from Beyonce’s scene-stealing fetus and back to her own VMAs performance as Jo Calderone: by telling everyone she used a fake wiener! No, not Beyonce. Lady Gaga. I’m pretty sure Jay-Z’s wiener is real. Us Magazine says:
The pop provocateur didn’t just wear men’s clothing (including Armani men’s underwear) and fake stubble in her “drag king” get-up: Gaga wore a prosthetic penis, an insider confirms.
The “You and I” singer stayed in character throughout the night.
I don’t know why she would use a prosthetic penis when she has a perfectly good penis already. Two penises just seems like overkill if you ask me.
This goes on about 7 minutes too long:
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