Here’s Lindsay Lohan and little sister Ali Lohan at LAX. Is Lindsay afraid that she’ll have to make a sudden ditch from the aircraft? I don’t know why else she’d be wearing a fancified flight suit. Maybe that red thing she’s holding is her parachute. Hopefully Ali cut some holes in it for the culmination of her master plan to outshine and replace her big sister’s slut star with her own. Why she’s dressed like she’s taking a ride back to 1994 is beyond me, though.

I think I saw this girl in LA this weekend, but I assumed she was some nobody who had hit on some hard times. Unfortunately for Tara Reid, she is a nobody. With wonky boobs, bad liposuction (both mercifully hidden here) and nasty bottle-blonde hair. If I had known it was her, I would’ve hit her with my car and put the poor thing out of her misery.

Wandering LAX:

I don’t know what these two are worried about. Here are attention superwhores Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag returning from wherever they were on their honeymoon (and I refuse to Google it to find out–I DO have some standards) wearing face masks. Of course the obligatory photo ops ensue. At least we can’t see their shit-eating grins. But as I was saying. I don’t think they have a thing to worry about in all this swine flu crap. I’m pretty sure you could drop a gazillion-ton atomic bomb on them and they’d still be there, like little cockroaches, searching for a camera lens to pose for.

What will protect US against THEM? At LAX:

Zac Efron is such a gentleman. He likes to accost poor unsuspecting security guards, “fall” on them, and have his way with them. But it’s okay because he feels bad about it later. According to Digital Spy, he has apologized for a little tumble he had with a security guard at LAX.

Zac Efron has admitted that he “felt terrible” after falling on top of a security guard as he attempted to outrun the paparazzi at Los Angeles International Airport.

Speaking to Extra, the 17 Again star admitted that he had decided to run up and down an escalator in a bid to escape, but ended up tripping over the other man.

“There were so many paparazzi. It was crazy. When there’s that many paparazzi, you can’t see. People start yelling. People get hurt,” he explained.

“While I was running, the guy in front of me kind of fell and then I fell on top of him. It was kind of weird. The guy was not a bodyguard – he was just a guy from the airport helping out. I felt terrible.”

He then continued, “It was crazy–I just got caught up in the moment. I’d never been with a black man before. I just couldn’t control it when my hips started thrusting. You just can’t control the motion of my ocean, baby.”

The tender moment:

Stupid is as stupid does, people. What’s the #1 thing you never, EVER, bring to the airport? An incendiary device! DING! DING! DING! But if you’re Johnny Knoxville douchebaggery comes naturally. MSNBC gives the details of what happened:
Johnny Knoxville, star of the “Jackass” TV show and movies, was detained Thursday at Los Angeles International Airport for allegedly possessing an inert hand grenade in a carry-on bag, an airport official said.

Knoxville, 38, of Malibu, was going through passenger security screening when a Transportation Security Administration officer saw the image of a hand grenade in his carry-on bag, said Nancy Castles of Los Angeles World Airports.

Airport Police and the Los Angeles Police Department Bomb Squad were called, and it was determined the grenade had no explosives or firing pin, she said.

Knoxville whose real name is John Philip Clapp, told Airport Police the hand grenade was a prop from one of his photo shoots and that he had forgotten it was in his bag, Castles said.

I would normally say I hoped he got a full cavity search, but then again, he’d probably actually enjoy it, then do it again so he could get it on video.

Out shopping last month at Saks Fifth Avenue: