I hated the dress that Angelina Jolie wore to the Screen Actors’ Guild Awards last night — it looks like a “Project Runway” challenge with Hefty bags — but you just can’t escape her smoldering beauty or not get lost in her eyes. If only she’d worn Lea Michele’s dress instead. Fortunately, my mad photoshop skillz and I have already set about rectifying that situation. I don’t like to brag, but that only took me fifteen minutes. Plenty more where that came from, baby!

If you care about the winners, click here:

Even though she was too sad about her failed marriage to show up, Katy Perry was still the big winner at the 38th annual People’s Choice Awards last night. It still doesn’t explain why Demi Lovato’s wearing a lounge singer’s bejeweled quinceanera dress, but we’ll get to that in a minute. People Magazine says:

Perry was honored in five categories, as favorite female artist, tour headliner and for song of the year for “ET” with Kanye West, music video for “Last Friday Night” and TV guest star for How I Met Your Mother.

Among the other winners in the 43 categories, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2 took four awards – favorite movie, action movie, book adaptation and ensemble movie cast, although no stars from the film attended.

Other honorees included Ellen DeGeneres, Lea Michele and Demi Lovato, as well as favorite movie actress and actor Emma Stone and Johnny Depp.

I’m glad to see the tailor outside Castle Greyskull is still cranking out those built-in-breast-plate dresses so popular with the ladies on Eternia. This is why She-Ra’s dumpy overweight sister never made it into the cartoon.

For a complete list of winners, click here:

Nina Dobrev:

Lea Michele:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Charlie Sheen surprised everybody when he presented the Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series at the Emmy Awards last night, and not just because he appeared to have recently bathed and taken his meds, but because he had nothing but kinds words for his former cast members (video of his speech after the jump). The Daily Mail says:

Sheen stunned the audience when he declared: “I want to take a moment to get something off my chest and say a few words to everybody at Two and a Half Men.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you nothing but the best for this upcoming season. We spent eight wonderful years together and I know you will continue to make great television.”

So naturally, right after he presented the award, the network had already arranged for “Two and a Half Men” stars Jon Cryer and Ashton Kutcher to take the stage. Gotta have that water cooler moment carefully orchestrated, because drama equals ratings! Except that Charlie Sheen didn’t precipitate any drama — he stopped short of crying and apologizing while pulling up his pants — so it sorta just made Cryer and Kutcher look like jackasses:

The two poked fun at Charlie with Cryer opening their bit by joking: ‘Hello, I’m that guy from Pretty in Pink.’

Then Kutcher chimed in saying: ‘I am not Charlie Sheen’, as he looked at Cryer he added: ‘Jon, I want to tell you something. I do not think that you are a troll,’ referring to a insult Charlie levied at his former co-star a few months ago.

But both they and the audience had been wrong-footed by the sincere, and incredibly sad words from the man who once branded himself a ‘warlock.’

Juxtaposed with this contrite monologue, their routine almost seemed like a cheap dig – proving that Sheen still knows how to steal a show when you least expect it.

Charlie even told Matt Lauer last week that he was “open” to the idea of returning for a cameo on the show. Talk about a complete 180. He must have found out the hard way that he couldn’t pay for whores and cocaine with #WINNING t-shirts and trash bags full of fake tiger blood.

And now, for some of the worst dresses of the night, starting with Gwyneth Paltrow:

Heidi Klum:

Katie Holmes:

Lea Michele:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

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If you squint hard and lean in from the left while tilting your monitor at a 45 degree angle, you can almost make out an eighth of Lea Michele’s nipple in these outtakes from her Glamour magazine photoshoot. By my calculation, that’s still 1 and 7/8ths nipples too few for me to ever watch an episode of Glee.

We almost made it three weeks without a self-congratulatory celebrity ass-kissing ceremony. Almost. People Magazine says:

The Screen Actors Guild Awards [were] Sunday night L.A.’s Shrine Auditorium, a reliable prognosticator of the Feb. 27 Oscars.

Black Swan’s Natalie Portman and The King’s Speech’s Colin Firth, along with The Fighter’s Melissa Leo and Christian Bale [were the big winners of the night].

In TV honors, leading comedy actress [went to] Hot in Cleveland’s Betty White. 30 Rock’s Alec Baldwin won his fifth SAG Award as that show’s leading actor in a comedy.

Modern Family took the best comedy ensemble cast award, while newcomer Boardwalk Empire won double honors, for leading actor in a dramatic series, Steve Buscemi, and for its ensemble cast.

Thank God for Sofia Vergara, or the night would have been a total loss. Everyone else might as well have been dressed as Jay Cutler.

For a complete list of winners and nominees, click here.

Sofia, Lea Michele and Christina Hendricks here; January Jones, Natalie Portman, Nicole Kidman and Winona Ryder after the jump.

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

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“Glee’s” Lea Michele is in her underpants on the cover of next month’s GQ, along with some other ones whose names I can’t be bothered to look up (henceforth referred to as Less Attractive One and One That Doesn’t Have Boobs And Is Therefore Immaterial.*) I spent a lot of time of high school in my underpants, too. Only mine were usually carving a four-inch crevasse out of my taint as they held me aloft from the flag pole. Fortunately, GQ wasn’t interested in any of those pictures.

^{* See “Assigning Value in a Western World: A Multi-Dimensional Look into the Dynamics of Cultural Estimation,” available hardcover and paperback, Simon & Schuster)}

Lea with Less Attractive One and One That Doesn’t Have Boobs And Is Therefore Immaterial:

The 2010 Golden Globe Awards were last night.  We could kill some time talking about them, but nobody really cares about the actual awards.  Let’s just cut to the chase and take a look at what all the ladies were wearing, shall we?

Halle Berry:

Christina Hendricks:

Jennifer Aniston (with Gerard Butler):

Nicole Kidman (with Mo’Nique):

Diane Kruger (with Joshua Jackson):

Mariah Carey (with her wife Nick Cannon):

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