The talk of the evening at last night’s 2011 Billboard Music Awards was supposed to be Britney Spears2003 VMAS-esque lesbian kiss with Rihanna during their S&M performance. It wasn’t. All anyone can talk about this morning is Beyonce’s spectacular Run the World performance. Honestly, it was so choreographically impressive and well-staged that you almost forget the song sounds like someone stuffing a kazoo in and out of a hippopotamus’ ass while reenacting “Stomp” in wooden clogs.
Beyonce’s Millenium Artist Award tribute + Run the World performance (FF to the 3:07 mark to skip the tribute video):
The interwebs are exploding this morning (and by that I mean a bunch of unemployed 40-something-year-olds who spend all their time looking for nude celebrity pictures are all simultaneously masturbating) to new nude pictures of Vanessa Hudgens. I, of course, am excluded from the pathetic rabble in their perverted exultation. I post these pictures purely to comment on the sad state of today’s youth and their need for exhibition. That being said, you can count on me to post the uncensored pictures when they become available. I’ve been combing the internet for them since the wee hours of the morning.
Also seen kissing Nickelodeon star Alexa Nikolas. It seems the Disney whore factor is catching:
Saying Rachel Bilson had a steamy lesbian kiss with someone I don’t know on a show I’ve never watched last night might make me sound woefully unprepared, until you consider the eight other low-quality screen grabs I also threw into the mix. “Facts” and “details” are for pussies, man. Just like portion control and turn signals.
The much ballyhooed lesbian kiss scene between Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman in “Black Swan” found its way on the interwebs today, and I don’t really even mind the crappy quality. It’s almost like I’m looking through a high-power telescope into a girl’s bedroom from a tree three yards over. Or as I like to call it, “my element.”
Miley Cyrus thinks everyone’s ridiculous for making a fuss about her simulated kiss on TV, then makes things even better by dressing like a hooker during her latest performance in London. Us Magazine quotes Miley as saying,
“I performed ‘Can’t Be Tamed’ this week on one of my favorite shows here in the UK Britian’s Got Talent. Which is totally true, there were some amazinnnggg acts (but of course no one could focus on that.) I had such a blast and was so honored to be on that stage. That being said during my performance I supposedly ‘KISSED A GIRL’ and this is the newest thing to cause controversy.
“I promise you I did not kiss her and it is ridiculous that two entertainers cant even rock out with each other without the media making it some type of story. I really hope my fans are not disappointed in me because the truth is I did nothing wrong. I got up there and did my job which is to perform to the best of my ability. I just want to put an end to this right now and just say one thing to everyone out there making this performance such a big deal.
“GET OVER IT! NOTHING HAPPENED. THERE ARE WAYYYYYYY MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN THE WORLD. Let’s start focusing a little less on making up ignorant rumors and focus a little more on world peace! We gotta a lot of work to do if we wan this earth to be here much longer. Let’s make a change! It wouldn’t hurt the world to show a little more love. X M”
Hey guys, it wasn’t for realsies, so it’s okay. Dressing like an underage hooker is just her job! Let’s show the world more love by doing a little bump-n-grind with the backup dancers, ‘kay? That’s the way they settle things in Kentucky! Yee-haw!
Aw, remember when Miley Cyrus was an innocent, albeit obnoxious be-wigged little girl on Hannah Montana? It warms the cockles of perverts’ hearts everywhere to see her trying so very hard to bust out of that pure image. First it was dating a 20-year old underwear model, then it was pole-dancing, then being a great older sister by cheering on her little sister’s way inappropriate dance number, then lap-dancing on some old queen’s lap. To top it all off, on Britain’s Got Talent, Miley gives the impression of kissing a girl dancer. Niiiiice. And I’m guessing this is also okey-dokey hillBilly Ray. Something tells me he’s rubbed one or two out to his daughter’s shenanigans. Forward to the 1:20 mark to avoid hearing any more of her singing than necessary.
Nobody watches Gossip Girl no matter how much they push the envelope or gay it up. Point in question: Hilary Duff and Jessica Szohr’s “lesbian kiss” on Monday night’s episode. You won’t find word one about it in any magazine. I’m sure some outraged parents sent in a few spittle-flecked emails to the CW, but everybody knows that what old people say doesn’t count. Besides, I’m pretty sure I’ve kissed my own stepmother with more erotic verve and passion. And no, I don’t want to talk about it. It was late night and I had been drinking, okay? Who are you to judge me?
Hayden Panettiere wants you to know she’s so current and so Now. Nothing says “I’m relevant!” like a little lesbian action. Snore. From Celebrity Rush:
The 20-year-old actress had no problem locking lips with Madeline Zima, who plays Hayden’s character Claire Bennet’s roommate Gretchen Berg on US TV show
‘Heroes’, as she thinks it’s something lots of girls do.
Hayden said: “It’s very exciting! When you are young, you experiment and you have fun. It truly is a person that she just falls in love
with, because she fulfils her and she is her best friend.”
Hayden has previously spoken about her own lesbian experiences, admitting she “experimented” with her female pals when she was younger.
She said: “It’s great to be single. It’s great to have boyfriends. Or girlfriends. There are occasions when you kiss your best friend growing up, having fun and goofing about. Like perfecting your technique.”
I’ll have you know that I got plenty of practice perfecting my technique, and I didn’t need any girls to help me with it. Well, I couldn’t exactly get any girls to help me with it. Or boys, for that matter. But it was all good, I had my good ol’ trusty pillow to help me with that! Suck on THAT, Hayden Panettiere!
Since it’s been all Megan, Megan, Megan, Jan BradyAmanda Seyfried had to get in her two cents about sucking face with co-star Megan Fox in the cinematic craptacular “Jennifer’s Body.” GQ writes
Getting it on with [Megan] Fox [in "Jennifer's Body], gratuitous as it was, turned out to be good preparation for Seyfried’s next project, “Chloe,” in which she plays an escort who seduces both Liam Neeson and Julianne Moore. “I had to make out with Julianne,” Seyfried says. “I was like, ‘I’ve already done this! This should be easy!’”
No, you haven’t already done this. You made out with Megan Fox. Julianne Moore is an actual actress. It ought to be a whole new experience working with someone whose modus operandi doesn’t consist of cloying come-hither stares and screaming while running away from robot explosions.
There’s been so much hype about Megan Fox’s lesbian kiss with Amanda Seyfried in the colossal stinkbomb “Jennifer’s Body,” but now that I’ve actually seen it, all I can think is “How the hell did I never notice all those acne scars on Megan’s face?” Jesus Christ. It looks like someone set her chin on fire and tried to put it out with an icepick. Megan should really hold out hope that Ray Liotta or Richard Belzer need a skin double in their next movie, or that “ambulatory flesh-colored relief map of Chile” is a full-time job.
The blokes across the pond will recognize Anna Friel from her role as Beth Jordache on the Channel 4 programme “Brookside,” on which she made British soap opera history by being the first ever to indulge in a lesbian kiss on the airwaves. Now here she is in next month’s Vanity Fair, breaking even more ground by not wearing a shirt while being photographed. It’s two bare breasts for man, one giant leap for womankind! Sandra Day O’Conner and Susan B. Anthony can suck it.
The much bally-hooed “Desperate For Ratings Housewives” lesbian kiss between Teri Hatcher and Eva Longoria aired last night, and it was every bit as un-erotic l as I’d said it’d be. The only thing drier than that kiss right there is maybe your 401K or your grandmother’s puss. I find it’s best not to think about either of those things too much.
