The National Enquirer broke a story earlier this week that former “Cosby Show” star Raven-Symoné is a lesbian and dating “America’s Next Top Model’s” AzMarie Livingston. Never one to back down from a fight (or a buffet), Raven took to Twitter to set the record straight. Kinda. She said (via MTV.com):

I’m living my PERSONAL life the way I’m happiest. I’m not one, in my 25 year career to disclose who I’m dating and I shall not start now. My sexual orientation is mine, and the person I’m datings to know. I’m not one for a public display of my life.

It is my right as a HUMAN BEing whether straight or gay. To tell or not to tell. As long as I’m not harming anyone. I am a light being made from love. And my career is the only thing I would like to put on display, not my personal life. Kisses!

Forget the whole lesbian thing — I’m still reeling from “I’m a light being made from love.” Are you fucking kidding me with that shit? You can’t say something like that and NOT expect a public outpouring of derision and contempt! It’s the same reason you don’t wear a fanny pack or tuck your pants into your socks. It’s an open invitation for an ass-kicking.

If you felt a great disturbance in the Force this morning, it’s probably because Rihanna’s a lesbian now. The NY Daily News says:

“I’m on my first date in almost 2 yearz,” the singer tweeted, adding that her “lover for the night” was longtime friend Melissa Forde.

[Rihanna] and Forde were photographed holding hands after having dinner at Giorgio Baldi [and] making their way over to Roxbury nightclub.

Photos that Forde posted online earlier in the night may not help squash the speculation either.

Though Rihanna is usually the one tweeting scantily-clad photos of herself, Forde was the photographer behind a series of risqué images of the singer that have since been deleted from her account.

Jesus, that chick is heinous. It’s not just the angle, either. She looks equally repulsive from the side. I guess after two years, just about anything becomes fuckable. Just ask that dude that got his wiener stuck in a park bench or that guy who was busted porking his own bicycle.

Those aforementioned “risque photos” + some from her photo shoot for Harper’s Bazaar (more after the jump):

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Picture Source: Radar Online

Maybe having her face punched in by her last boyfriend was enough to turn her off to boys, because it looks like Rihanna is playing for the other team now.  Radar Online says,

Apparently it’s not just boys who are welcome under Rihanna’s umbrella.

“I’m on my first date in almost 2 yearz,” the 24-year-old singer tweeted late Thursday night, prior to revealing her date was with a gal pal named Melissa Forde — and RadarOnline.com has photos of the two holding hands.

The duo painted Los Angeles red, holding hands as they grabbed dinner at Malibu’s Giorgio Baldi before hitting up Hollywood’s famed Roxbury nightclub. The We Found Love singer looked stunning in a long white dress, and Melissa was no slouch either, clad in a sexy get-up that revealed a pair of mile-long legs.

The Caribbean queen continued tweeting through the night, dropping some hints her relationship with Forde is anything but platonic.

“Beautiful is great, submissive is even better. Bawse b***h who’s submissive yet the captain of the ship n HONEST…#priceless #marryME,” she wrote, adding, “But she bad… So maybe she won’t…. But s**t, then again maybe she will.”

The singer was having a good time, uploading photos to her social media account of her table at the club covered in bottles of booze — and continued to tweet well into the early morning hours of Friday.

Rihanna posted a photo of her and Forde with the caption, “#datenight my lover for the night.”

They might have chemistry, but something tells me they’re bound to have disagreements about firearms.

Porn star Jenna Haze burrowed her face deep into Taylor Momsen’s crotch while she performed “Make Me Wanna” die with her band The Pretty Reckless at the House of Blues last night (FF to the 2:50 mark or it WILL make you wanna die), and all I could think when I saw it was “eh… whatever.” It’s a fully clothed porn star and the best you get is a little over-the-pants-groping and some halfhearted thrusting. I’ve seen Hanes Her Way commercials that were more risque than this crap.

How come in Hollywood, lesbians look like Amber Heard, but every dyke I know look like this?

I just assumed that Ashton Kutcher’s infidelity was the impetus behind Demi Moore’s filing for divorce, but mysterious sources have since cropped up like warts on the taint of the tabloid media, and they’re alleging that Demi and Ashton had an open marriage the entire time they were together. The Daily Mail says:

It is believed Moore and Kutcher embarked on an ‘open marriage’, with suggestions hinting that the 49-year-old actress is bisexual.

An insider [said]: “Demi is attracted to women just as much as men, so she didn’t always get all she needed from Ashton.”

“Everyone in Hollywood knows about their arrangement, but they’ve managed to keep it a secret from the general public… she was cool with Ashton having flirtatious relationships too. Somehow they made it work all these years. Both of them were respectful of each other. It was a lot of fun for them.”

However, it all changed when Ashton’s affairs became public and that has been the reason for their separation.

Look, I’m about as free-minded as a girl can be, but everybody knows open marriages and threesomes just do not fucking work. As a rule, people don’t like to share. You have to be taught the concept of sharing as a child. It goes against the most basic aspects of human nature. If you were hungry and had a big slice of chocolate cake, you wouldn’t give it to the next dude that walked by, would you? And you sure as hell wouldn’t then stand there watching him eat your cake, waiting for your turn to tap in so you could maybe get a bite of your cake that wasn’t already covered with spittle or semen or your own bitter tears? Of course not. That kinda thing only works out in late-night cable movies.

On vacation in the Caribbean awhile back:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Amber Heard showed up to the premiere of The Rum Diary in a fire engine-red gown slit up to here and towering spike stilettos. The great thing for her about being a lesbian is that she can go home and bitch about how much her shoes were killing her, and her girlfriend can actually sympathize with her instead of giving her a blank stare and the question, “Then why do you wear them if they hurt so much”? I suppose there are benefits to being in a peen-less relationship.

Because “being bisexual” is this year’s “adopting a third-world orphan,” True Blood actress Evan Rachel Wood has come out as a part-time lady-lover in the May issue of Esquire magazine. Radar Online says:

In a new interview with the magazine, Wood [says], “I was always into very androgynous things. Guys, girls… I’m into androgyny in general. I’m up for anything. Meet a nice guy, meet a nice girl…”

So is she switching teams?

When asked by Esquire if she dates women, she proudly stated: “Yes!”

“I’m more kind of like the guy when it comes to girls. I’m the dominant one. I’m opening the doors, I’m buying dinner. Yeah, I’m romantic.”

How is this news, exactly? We already knew she was bisexual. For chrissakes, she dated Marilyn Manson for the last three years. The only way that assclown has any balls is if they’re attached to a big black guy in a gimp mask drilling him from behind.

A 3 minute clip from Tila Tequila’s yet-to-be-released lesbian threesome sex tape has leaked online (watch it here), and mother of God is it disgusting. I actually have a vagina, and even I don’t know what I’m seeing in half of the pics. Like (NSFW) here, for instance. What the fuck IS that? Is it the tip of an elephant’s trunk? The all-seeing eye of Sauron? Am I looking into the Sarlaac in the Great Pit of Carkoon? I don’t know whether to be terrified or aroused, so I’m going to go with my gut and just start drinking.

Puppy thumbnails are extremely NSFW screen caps:

There were rumors Kendra Wilkinson was sitting on (no pun intended) a yet-to-be released lesbian sex tape when she released her first sex tape with Justin Frye last year, and now those rumors have been confirmed. According to Radar Online:

“Kendra has sex in the video with Taryn Ryan,” a source close to the situation [said]. “It’s a long tape, about 45 minutes. And there is nothing left to the imagination.”

The tape was shot by Justin Frye, Kendra’s ex boyfriend and partner in last year’s sex tape.

“Kendra and Taryn started fooling around and then Kendra wanted the light turned off,” the source [revealed]. “But the camera that was recording them had night vision, so it looks like the Paris Hilton porn tape. Everything is completely clear.”

There’s $39.95 I won’t be spending. I am NOT a fan of night vision porn. I don’t like what it does to people’s eyes. Having big glow-y green retinas make you look like some kind of hairless raccoon caught rummaging through an overturned trashcan. And who wants to beat off while thinking of raccoons? Forest rangers, maybe, but I’m not Smokey the fucking Bear. Come on. You gotta work with me, people.

Revisit her first sex tape pics here.

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

Following in the skanky footsteps of Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus before her, some risque pictures of Disney star Demi Lovato pulling down her shirt and sticking her tongue in another girl’s face surfaced today. I don’t know what the hell’s going on at Disney here lately. At this rate, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised to see a video of the Imagination Movers gangbanging Daisy Duck before the year’s over.

“Zombieland” and “Pineapple Express” star Amber Heard officially outed herself at the GLAAD 25th anniversary bash in Hollywood Friday night when she walked down the red carpet with girlfriend of two years Tasya van Ree. Radar Online says:

Amber [explained her decision to come out, saying] she had to ask herself if by being closeted, she was part of the problem in denying “millions of hard-working, tax paying Americans” their rights.

“I think GLAAD is one of the many reasons that I, as a 24-year-old, can come out,” she explained.

Tasya Van Ree is a photographer and artist. She and Heard have quietly been together since 2008 but the GLAAD celebration was their formal coming out as a couple.

I think we all should embrace these brave young women and their courageous decision to come out of the closet. Embrace, and then maybe tickle, and then maybe playfully spank before we disrobe and oil each other up in a bout of frenzied sexual ecstasy. I don’t know any real live lesbians per se, but I know that’s how they do it in the movies my dad watches on Pay-Per-View.

Pics of Amber from Maxim and another almost naked photo shoot: