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At yesterday’s hearing, Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer petitioned Judge Marsha Revel to allow Lindsay to undergo random alcohol testing rather than fit her with the SCRAM bracelet because Lindsay would be filming a movie in Texas and it would “interfere” with her work. Reasonable argument, except the Texas Film Commission has no permits connecting Lindsay to any film whatsoever and her IMDb profile currently shows no projects in development. Good thing the judge said no, then. According to TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan made it clear to the court that she didn’t wanna wear a SCRAM bracelet because she thought it would get in the way of an upcoming movie shoot in Texas — problem is, no such shoot exists.

The producers of the only two motion picture projects Lindsay is currently attached to — “Machete” and “Inferno” — tell us there ARE additional ["Machete"] scenes being shot in Texas, “but they don’t include [Lindsay].”

As for “Inferno,” a rep tells us it’s not being shot in Texas — so the SCRAM bracelet would have no affect on that film either.

I thought lying in court was called “perjury” and against the law, even if you had your attorney do it for you. But then again, what do I know? I thought possessing a controlled substance and operating a motor vehicle under the influence of alcohol and not showing up to court was against the law, too. Apparently the laws in Los Angeles aren’t so much “laws” as they are “general guidelines.” Sorta like the Code of the Brethren set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew, except for celebrities instead of multiple amputees with scurvy.

Video from her hearing after the jump:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

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Just who is this Rachel Uchitel, the New York club manager accused of having a fling with Tiger Woods that sparked a battered husband’s desperate escape-turned-car-crash? Well, first of all, she wants you to know that she’s not a homewrecker, even though she fucked “Bones” star David Borneaz all through his wife’s pregnancy. That was before, you see. And the whole Tiger thing was made up by two “drug-abusing hookers” that sold the story to the tabloids for money, making her the victim in all this. Except maybe not. The Enquirer says

Rachel has been caught in outright lies.

Rachel traveled to Australia to meet with Tiger while he played earlier this month in the Australian Masters, but Rachel initially told us she traveled there with a boyfriend.

In a later conversation, however, she admitted she had lied about going to Australia with a boyfriend. She said she was in the country “for business.”

She also said she was not in Tiger’s hotel. But an Enquirer reporter eye witnessed her IN the hotel.

She then said she did not go to the floor of the hotel where Tiger was staying.

But an ENQUIRER reporter in Melbourne watched as Rachel checked in to the posh Crown Towers hotel, and went up to the 35th floor, which houses the hotel’s ritzy VIP Suite [where Tiger was staying].

Sir Walter Scott famously said, “Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive,” but that seems a little pretentious given the situation. “Liar, liar, pants on fire” really sums it up a whole lot better.

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