Lindsay Lohan showed up at the Nu Pop Movement party at Kitson Men over the weekend with a gigantic back brace wrapped around her midsection. She must have somehow thrown her back out, bless her heart. I guess having your ankles pinned to your ears six hours a day really isn’t good for the ol’ lumbar as you might think.
More of Michael Lohan’s phone tapes were released this week containing a conversation between him and ex-wife Dina in which she claims that daughter Lindsay was secretly dating Heath Ledger when he died. Radar Online says
In the recorded audio tape of a phone conversation between Dina and Michael Lohan, Dina says, “She was dating Heath when he died. I don’t know if you know that, but I know cause I would drop her off and they were friends, very very close, ok? [His death really] f—d her up.”
Dina told Michael about the relationship because she was afraid for Lindsay’s life too: “When she’s drunk or takes an Adderall with it [I'm afraid] she will do something like Heath Ledger did in a second without thinking,” adding, “She cannot be alone… [she's an] irrational person who has a problem with her DNA and alcohol and Adderall and asthma and every other things she’s got wrong with her.”
Well, Heath Ledger’s overdose is starting to make a lot more sense now. You could jack off a hairless chihuahua in front of your grandmother while taking it up the ass from a fat guy in a gimp mask and still not experience as much shame as you would after spending the night with Lindsay Lohan. I’m actually surprised that Ryan Adams, Benicio del Toro, Joaquin Phoenix, Adam Levine, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brett Ratner, Brody Jenner, Stavros Niarchos, Jamie Burke, Harry Judd, Hayden Christensen, Harry Morton, Rhys Ifans, Calum Best, Johnny Knoxville, Jared Leto, Wilmer Valderrama, Shaun White, Jude Law, Sean Penn, Gerard Butler, Ben Holz, Tony Allen and various others haven’t taken their own lives yet. I guess being drunk to the point of blackout helps you convince yourself it never happened.
Lindsay Lohan was photographed going into Leonardo DiCaprio’s house late Saturday night, refueling rumors that the two of them might be having a fling. Back in February of this year, Rush and Molloy said
Lindsay Lohan was working her charms [on] Leonardo DiCaprio Tuesday night at a West Hollywood club. Lohan made her way over to the table where Leo was partying with Kevin Connolly and Lukas Haas. “She was very flirty with Leo,” says our spy.
If it’s true, then Leo went from tapping supermodel kitty like this and this to a big ol’ pile of genital slop that’s housed more penis than Andy Dick at a Village People convention. That’s like trading in your Porsche for a monkey-drawn wheel barrow and your yacht for an inner tube mounted with an oscillating fan. Welcome to rock bottom, Leonardo DiCaprio. Some of us have been living here most of our adult life.
Hiding her face arriving at Leo’s house — and hiding it again on the way out Sunday morning:
Michael Lohan’smission to get daughter Lindsay into rehab has now progressed into a shock-and-awe media campaign, complete with his airing a list of all the prescription drugs she’s currently using. According to Page Six
[Michael said], “She is taking Adderol, Xanax, Paxil. She’s a beautiful girl but she looks 100 years old.”
For those of you who didn’t regularly buy pills from your RA’s boyfriend freshman year, Paxil is used to treat depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Adderall is used to treat attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and narcolepsy. Xanax is prescribed for anxiety disorders and panic disorders. So unless she’s a hyperactive narcoleptic Korean war vet with polycystic ovarian syndrome and compulsive hand-washing issues, she’s taking waaaay too much goddamn medication. I bet the words “Glaxo-Smith Kline” and “Pfizer” are permanently branded into her liver by now.
And now, for someone who doesn’t look 100 years old — Megan Fox in VIP magazine:
Michael Lohan claims to have numerous phone tapes and messages left by ex-wife Dina that prove that daughter Lindsay is an out-of-control drug addict, and he’s going to be releasing them to the media next week. According to the NY Daily News
“I have proof that Dina has told me Lindsay is on death’s doorstep, that she doesn’t have much time left. There have been frantic calls. And I’m going to prove that Dina is the liar, not me.”
The whole world is about to hear it: A source confirms that Michael is set to air the numerous voice-mail messages she’s left on Monday’s “Entertainment Tonight.”
“She has expressed to me that Lindsay is in dire, dire need of an intervention,” Michael said. “My lawyers told me to keep every single conversation - and I did.”
Who exactly is he trying to convince she’s an addict with all this? It’s not like the rest of the goddamn world doesn’t already know. If he really wants to reach his daughter, blathering on Maury and Entertainment Tonight isn’t going to cut it. He needs to put his message about knee-level in an L.A. nightclub’s men’s bathroom or on the bottom of a bottle of vodka. It’s the only way she’ll ever see it.
Leaving — you guessed it! — an L.A. nightclub last night:
Lindsay Lohan’s dad Michael did what any good father fearing for his daughter’s well-being would do yesterday — he went on the Maury Povich show to talk about what a used-up dead-inside whore she is. If only more dads would follow in his footsteps! TMZ says
First Mike called Lindsay a “hollow person” … then claimed there was “nothing left in her” — and finally said he “couldn’t even look at her.”
The show was called “You’re 14 … Stop Lap Dancing and Trying to Get Pregnant.”
You just can’t beat Maury Povich for a good episode title. Just for fun, I made a little test to gauge your Povich-prowess. Only three of the following ten episode titles are made up. The rest are all too real. See if you can guess which ones are the fakes! Answers after the jump.
10. Can You Save Me? I Am Terrified of Cotton Balls and Frogs!
9. I’ve Had Plastic Surgery 60 Times… I Want More
8. My Fiancee Needs to Know… I’m a Bisexual Elvis-Impersonator!
7. Shot In The Face And Set On Fire…I’m Lucky To Be Alive
6. I’m an Overweight Teen with Parkinson’s and I Won’t Stop Having Sex
5. 36 Men Tested… I’ll Prove You’re The Father Today
4. My 5 Year Old Weighs 212 Pounds
3. Violent Teen Girls Who Beat Their Families…Caught on Tape!
2. I Need to Tell You… I Was Born with Both Male and Female Genitalia
1. My Fear of Mustard and Pickles is Ruining My Life
A group of spoiled rich teenage girls living in Calabasas were arrested on late last week in connection with the robberies of Lindsay Lohan (here), Paris Hilton (here), Audrina Patridge (here) and Orlando Bloom (here) over the last year. People magazine says
Rachel Lee, 19, Diana Tamayo, 19, Courtney Ames, 18, Alexis Neiers, 18, and Nicholas Prugo, 18, launched into a year-long crime spree in which thousands of dollars of designer clothes, jewelry, bags and other luxury items were taken [from the aforementioned celebrities]. All fingers point to 19-year-old Lee as the alleged ringleader, who had an apparent fascination with Hollywood fashion.
The gang allegedly located the addresses of celebrities using Hollywood star maps and the Internet, and calculated when the stars wouldn’t be home based on their appearance schedules.
Giving the arrests another Hollywood twist, after Neiers posted bail, she was picked up by her sister, Playboy model Tess Taylor, who showed up at the jail early Friday morning with a camera crew in tow. Taylor and Neiers are the subject of a reality show pilot for E!.
My hard-hitting journalistic flair for truth makes it easy to cut through all the “background information” and “facts” in this story and get to what really counts: boobs. Namely, that one chick’s Playboy model sister’s boobs. I can almost smell the Pulitzer from here!
Check out more of Tess naked at Playboy’s Cyber Club (all thumbs NSFW):
The going rate for a hot lesbian kiss with Charlize Theron? $140,000. The actress auctioned off a trip to South Africa, a meet-and-greet with Nelson Mandela, a safari, World Cup tickets and a chance to lay one on her at a live auction for OneXOne charity last night. Us Magazine says
Theron raised the stakes when bidding [for the South Africa package] stalled at $37,000, far below the $280,000 Jeremy Piven had just raised.
To sweeten the pot, she offered up a 7-second kiss for $130,000.
After one man bid $135,000, a woman upped the stakes to $140,000 — ascending the stage for a 20-second smooch as the audience counted down.
You just don’t see enough hot lesbian action when it comes to combating childhood illnesses. I, for one, am glad to live in a world where and “masturbation” and “acute pediatric lymphoblastic leukemia” can be finally used in the same sentence!
Speaking of charity cases, pics of Lindsay Lohan shopping with her tits hanging out:
Since court-ordered paternal conservatorship worked out so well for Britney Spears, Michael Lohan is hoping he’ll be able to rehabilitate daughter Lindsay through the magic of the California legal system. But if the courts won’t give him control of her estate, it’s not going to stop him from saving her the only way he knows how: a class B felony. According to MSNBC
“If I can’t get a conservatorship, then I’m going to take her to an undisclosed location and get her straight,” Michael Lohan [said]. “But I know I’m going to get charged with kidnapping.”
Not if Lindsay Lohan gets her way. LiLo plans to file a restraining order to keep her estranged dad far outside of kidnapping range.
“[My ex-wife] Dina is the one that told her to get a restraining order,” Michael Lohan said. “But you know what? I’m still going to try to do everything to get Lindsay better.”
And if kidnapping and forcibly institutionalizing her doesn’t work, he could always hook her up to a car battery and electroshock her straight himself. You don’t win Father of the Year without being a hands-on kind of dad, my father always used to say! Mostly while he was beating us with a roll of seat belt or the bag of oranges he kept in the freezer.
Lindsay Lohan’s pairing with French design house Emanuel Ungaro didn’t go over so well with the critics at Fashion Week, but not to worry — it drew rave reviews from meth-addicted exotic dancers with bastard children. The Daily Mail says
The collection prompted only lukewarm applause when Lohan and [new head designer Estrella] Archs came out onto the catwalk after the show.
Fashion critics looked aghast at Lohan’s bra tops and stripper-inspired nipple pasties.
The thigh-skimming dresses in peach, hot pink and white [and] the sparkling nipple pasties flashing from underneath loose blazers were a reminder of Lohan’s own occasional wardrobe mishaps.
‘It’s not good to show your nipples so they should be covered,’ Lohan [said], referring to the heart-shaped pasties.
Lindsay Lohan thinks it’s “not good to show your nipples?” Am I taking crazy pills? What about this? Or this? Or this, this and this? It’s almost impossible to find a picture of Lindsay Lohan where she’s not showing her nipples. You know what they say — people who live in glass houses shouldn’t call the kettle black. Frankly, that’s just being racist.
Pics of her at the show, plus bonus video of her rapidly aging before your very eyes thanks to the magic of cigarettes and purging after the jump:
You might think it’d be impossible to top “leggings with kneepads” in the slutty department, but you’d be underestimating the skankiness of Lindsay Lohan. She debuted the spring 2010 collection of her leggings line 6126 this week, which includes this charming little cutaway number. Scientifically speaking, the only way those pants could be any sluttier is if they were studded with RU486 and came with detachable D-cell batteries.
It turns out that the dude arrested for allegedly burglarizingLindsay Lohan’s home earlier this month was actually a friend of hers. What a surprise! TMZ says
Several people who worked with her on the movie “Labor Pains” — which was shot last year — [said] they saw Nick Prugo hanging out on the set with Lindsay. One person who worked on the set estimates she saw them together at least 10 times.
Prugo — who is 18 — was arrested for cocaine possession last February. He plead guilty and was placed in a drug diversion program. He was also arrested last month for DUI.
Boy, theft, DUI, cocaine arrest — throw in throat gonorrhea and he could be Lindsay’s long-lost twin brother. They’re so alike, it’s almost spooky!
