Lindsay Lohan vehemently denied that she got into a shoving match with a girl at The Standard Hotel nightclub last week, claiming she was at home watching the 700 Club in her jammies or some shit like that when this unfortunate incident took place. Except the club has surveillance video, and the woman she shoved has already turned over photos of her injuries to the cops. D’oh! Radar Online says:
[The allegedly injured patron's attorney said]: “My client has given the West Hollywood Sheriff’s Department pictures of injuries that were inflicted by Lindsay Lohan. We are anxious to see the surveillance video which we feel will prove that Lindsay was at the nightclub and the evidence will speak for itself.”
“[My client] did nothing to provoke Lindsay, and she was shoved when her back was turned. Lindsay is blatantly lying, she was most definitely at the club that night… [she] came and left from the back of the hotel where there are no photographers. Just because she wasn’t photographed at the Standard doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.”
Lindsay Lohan doesn’t look all that strong, but then cocaine can give you the strength of ten bears. And apparently, the radiant complexion of a truck stop hooker suffering from hepatitis C and urine scalding. Lucky for you, she never took off the one-piece.
Lindsay Lohan’s strange salmon-colored 70′s men’s tuxedo pants are so distractingly hideous they almost make me stare at them more then her unfettered fun bags. You notice I said almost.I don’t care about fashion that much.
You may have spent your weekend gorging yourself on jelly beans and Cadbury Eggs and spending time with your family, but Lindsay Lohan had bigger fish to fry. Namely, going clubbing and shoving girls for daring to talk to one of her guy friends. Also known as to the rest of the world, junior high school. TMZ reports,
Lindsay Lohan has been off formal probation for less than two weeks and she’s already being accused of getting into an altercation with a woman in a nightclub earlier this week … TMZ has learned.
According to our sources, a woman filed an incident report ALLEGING BATTERY with the West Hollywood Sheriff’s Department last night. We’re told the woman claims Lindsay got into it with her at a nightclub on Thursday night. She claims Lindsay did not like the fact she was talking to a male friend of LiLo’s … and began pushing and shoving her.
Law enforcement sources say they will investigate the woman’s claims — like they would any other incident like this — to determine their validity.
Lindsay’s rep, Steve Honig, tells TMZ, “Lindsay was absolutely not involved in any sort of altercation whatsoever. This is clearly another case of someone looking for money and 15 minutes of fame.”
I like how outraged her rep sounds. He acts like his client isn’t a serial fuck-up. I’d be more inclined to believe him if he just said, “Hey, I know Lindsay keeps on screwing up, so I don’t blame you for thinking this is true, but this time she really didn’t do anything.” Otherwise you end up looking like an idiot by getting all huffy. It’s like when I accused my boyfriend of using me as a beard. Acting indignant when you get caught blowing the gardener just doesn’t ring true.
Lindsay Lohan is so strapped for cash that she did the equivalent of a mobile garage sale: she packed up her “designer” clothes and sold them to a high-end thrift store. Can I get a “wah-wah-waaaaah“? Female First reports,
The 25-year-old ‘Freaky Friday’ actress is apparently so cash-strapped following numerous stints in rehab that she has decided to sell off her designer clothes and accessories.
A source told Now magazine: “Lindsay’s got zero income and a shed-load of bills.
“She’s so desperate for cash she took a truck load of designer clothes, shoes and bags to Los Angeles’ Crossroads Trading Company, who agreed a price of £8,770 for the lot.
“She needed a huge lorry to transport it all to the company’s head office.”
But she hopes to make a comeback with her role as Elizabeth Taylor in Lifetime movie ‘Liz and Dick’ – and has even ruled out dating while she gets her career back on track.
A source said: “Lindsay wants to devote all her spare time to reading the script and getting Liz’s persona down pat rather than focus on a new relationship.”
She also wants to put her troubled past behind her and regain the trust of the public and entertainment industry.
She said: “People can say things all they want, but I think I still need to go through the process of proving myself.
“I could see where it could be scary for people to invest in me. And I don’t want people to have that reason to be scared anymore.”
Next thing she’ll be doing is blowing truck drivers at gas stations. For cash this time, mind you. She probably does that currently for free.
Pretending that she has money to spend at Eva Fehren’s Jewelry Show in West Hollywood:
In a stunning example of poor, blind Justice being bent over and savagely violated, Lindsay Lohan has been released from formal probation. TMZ reports,
Lindsay Lohan is a semi-free woman, after Judge Stephanie Sautner just declared, “She did it!” — she successfully completed her probation requirements.
The judge took Lindsay off probation altogether in what herhonor called “the endless” 2007 DUI case. If Lindsay had not completed the terms of her probation, Judge Sautner could have sentenced her to 270 days in the pokey. When the judge terminated probation, Lindsay cracked a big smile and breathed a huge sigh of relief.
As for the necklace heist case, Judge Sautner said Lindsay completed community service at the morgue, therapy and the shoplifter’s course — so her formal probation is now informal probation, and all Lindsay has to do is OBEY ALL LAWS for the next 2 1/2 years. Sautner said, “I know it’s kinda hard when people are following you all over the place … but that’s the life you chose.”
Judge Sautner gave Lindsay some good advice, “Stop nightclubbing and focus on your work.”
In the end, Lindsay and her lawyer, Shawn Holley, thanked the Judge. Lindsay said to the judge, “What you’ve done has really opened a lot of doors for me.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The only thing Lindsay heard when the judge was giving her advice was that sound the teacher makes in the Peanuts cartoons. I don’t think she was speaking of her own volition, either. That trout pout has to be self-aware by now.
Porn star Alex “Voodoo” Torres of sky-diving intercourse fame claimed on The Jim Richards radio show Friday that he had bedded actress Lindsay Lohan, even going as far as to insinuate that she had paid him for his services. I’ll pause here for dramatic effect. The Daily Mail says:
When Richards asked Torres for suggestions as to what questions he should dole out to Michael Lohan during an impending interview, the porn star said: ‘Ask him if he knows about that night I had with his daughter [Lindsay] while he was sleeping upstairs.’
As the radio host kept questioning the statements Torres was making, the porn star simply said: ‘I’m not joking… many of these Hollywood celebrities pay me a high price dollar to come and satisfy them.’
Richards attempted to clarify and pressed: ‘So you’ve been with Lindsay Lohan?’
Torres replied: ‘I’m saying that.’
Lohan’s representative Steve Honig [said]: ‘I don’t feel the need to respond to claims made by a porn star.’
I don’t buy it for a second. Not because I don’t think Lindsay Lohan would hire a hooker, but because there’s no way Lindsay Lohan could actually afford a hooker. Prostitutes get all kinds of huffy when you try to pay them in rock crystals and buddy brand cigarettes.
Arriving at the morgue for more community service last week:
Perhaps in an attempt to avoid being found in violation of her probation after her reported hit and run last week, Lindsay Lohan is putting herself on house arrest. Is this the equivalent to a toddler putting themselves in time-out? TMZ reports,
Lindsay Lohan is done gambling with her freedom — after another bout with trouble just this week, she is following the advice of her closest friends and putting herself on lockdown until her probation is up in two weeks … TMZ has learned.
Although she claims she did nothing wrong, Lindsay once again found herself in the news this week for all the wrong reasons … when a clubgoer claimed LiLo hit him with her car in Hollywood early Thursday morning.
According to our sources, the latest incident prompted people close to Lindsay to beg her to stop going out at night until her probation is over. We’re told Lindsay agreed and will now only leave her house when she really has to … like for her court ordered community service at the morgue.
Her probation is scheduled to end March 29.
Which is to say, that Lindsay’s not turning a new leaf and is ready to behave responsibly, it just means that she broke the bank with enough blow and alcohol to last her until the end of the month, and with gas prices these days, she just can’t afford to drive anywhere. She’s like a squirrel storing food for the winter, if squirrels were narcissistic cokeheads who spent all day looking for nuts. Bah-dum-BAH!
It goes without saying because it’s Lindsay Lohan, but of course she’s claiming she never hit any foreigners with her car yesterday, and she’s taken to the interwebs to denounce all the falsities and untruthitudes about her. She tweeted:
Scrape? This is all a complete lie. I’ve been at community service. Last night, I attempted to wish a friend happy birthday, which I didn’t even get to do because I was freaked out by all of the paparazzi. These false accusations are absurd.
And now an “eyewitness” has magically surfaced in Lindsay’s corner — a 16-year-old girl who was “moonlighting as a paparazzo” and just happened to be loitering in the alley behind a nightclub at one in the morning and caught the whole incident from start to finish. TMZ says:
The girl — Sarah — [claims] she went in the alley outside the Sayers Club to speak with Lindsay, who was already sitting in her parked car with a passenger. The manager of the adjacent hookah lounge appeared on his staircase and asked Lindsay what she was doing, and she replied, “Don’t worry we’re leaving.”
Sarah says she was trying to guide Lindsay out of the tight alleyway, which Lindsay successfully navigated and then left. Sarah says at no point did Lindsay strike a vehicle. Even more important, Sarah claims the hookah manager never left his staircase and was nowhere near Lindsay’s Porsche.
Sarah explains in the video how the manager then concocted a story that he and his car were struck, promising, “[Lindsay] is definitely going to pay.”
I know Dina Lohan found some naive teenage girl at a casting call and convinced her that she could become Lindsay’s new assistant if she would cover Lindsay’s ass “just this once.” It won’t be till much later that the teenage girl will learn that her assistant role was an unpaid internship and that being tethered to someone as histrionic and self-absorbed as Lindsay Lohan has aged her five years in the span of six months. And even after she quits, the residual narcissism and cuntiness will continue to affect her for a good two years, albeit with gradually decreasing intensity. I’m pretty sure it works like radioactive half-lives. That poor girl is doomed.
Despite tellingMatt Lauer she was “over the party scene” and a “homebody” now, Lindsay Lohan somehow hit a man with her Porche while leaving a Hollywood club last night and then of course drove off without so much as a glance in the rearview mirror. TMZ says:
The 26-year-old Hookah Lounge manager was standing by his car when Lindsay was attempting a 3-point turn and she grazed his knee and his car. We’re told the manager didn’t know who Lindsay was at first and he told the paparazzi on scene and police that he didn’t need medical attention. He was told the driver was Lindsay but he said he wasn’t from this country and didn’t know who she was.
[However], a short time later he began complaining he was injured [and went to] the emergency room and we’re told he is going to press charges and hire an attorney. Cops told us they will open a hit-and-run investigation if the manager files a report.
If the cops determine it was a hit-and-run, then that’s a direct violation of her probation and she could get sent straight back to jail. But we all know that’s not going to happen. Instead, she’s gonna blow that Hookah Lounge manager in the back of his AMC Pacer after her attempts at buying him off with sea jasper and moonstones fail. You just wait and see.
Walking around Hollywood with her nasty nicotine-stained fingers in her mouth the whole time:
25-year old Lindsay Lohan reportedly enjoyed a “steamy night of passion” with 46-year-old notorious pervert photographer Terry Richardson — I’ll pause for any involuntary retching you may experience after reading that — but it seems one night with Lilo was more than enough for Terry. Radar Online says:
“They had a major night of passion after they worked on this photo shoot together and now she’s going all out to get her claws into him,” a source [said]. “But Terry is just not interested in pursuing a relationship with Lindsay and totally regrets hooking up with her.
“Lindsay has been texting and phoning him nonstop and he’s actually kind of freaked out by how strong she’s been coming on to him; it’s all pretty unseemly. As Terry said, there’s nothing more unattractive than a desperate woman. It’s a difficult situation though as they move in the same circles and have a lot of mutual friends. He’s trying to work out a way to let her down gently without blowing their friendship.”
Terry Richardson is bird-chested, bald, middle-aged and looks like either a serial killer or a pedophile depending on the lighting, and the general consensus among the women he photographs is that he’s fucking disgusting. And yet even he’s passing on Lindsay Lohan. In the immortal words of Michael Kelso, “BUUUUURRN!”
Lindsay (or possibly Dee Snider) at the opening of Terrywood by Terry Richardson in L.A. last month:
Being mistaken for 56-year old Donatella Versace when you’re 24 is bad enough, but now even the people who are paid to follow Lindsay Lohan around and take her picture all day can’t tell the difference between her and 66-year-old Debbie Harry. The Daily Mail says:
Leaving her New York hotel yesterday, the Blondie frontwoman was mistaken for Lindsay Lohan, 25, by the throng of photographers outside. It was only when the paparazzi got a close-up, they realized it was actually a celebrity 41 years older.
Harry and Lohan are both staying at the Mercer Hotel in SoHo.
The only way to tell the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Debby Harry is the scent of Astroglide and regret that clings to Lindsay like an unrepentant fart cloud wherever she goes. But if you’re close enough to be within smelling range, there’s a good chance she’s already mounted you and moved on.
