Larry Birkhead plunked down three grand at an auction this weekend for lingerie worn by Anna Nicole Smith in a Playboy shoot before she died. According to Us Weekly

Birkhead paid $1,800 for a pink bustier and $1,000 for a white negligee because he wanted to give their 1-year-old daughter Dannielynn a keepsake of her mother.

“I have a lot of history I have to put together that she doesn’t really know about,” he told the Associated Press. “Playboy was such a big part of Anna’s career.”

Nothing makes a better keepsake for child than some of momma’s used lingerie. Not to mention the panache a hot little crotchless number mounted over the crib brings to a one-year old’s room! All Larry needs to do now is pipe in Motley Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls” and stack a couple of gin-soaked singles by the crib, and — except for the noticeably absent puke — you’d almost swear Anna Nicle was right there in the room with you.

Fashion designer Calvin Klein has chosen DIY abortion champion Eva Mendes to be the new face — well, new ass, technically — of their 2008 underwear ad campaign. OK! Magazine says

The advertisements, which will debut in the fall, will focus on “seductive comfort.” She will also be the face of a-yet-unnamed Calvin Klein fragrance.

Sorry, but in what kind of bizarro world do the words “seductive” and “comfort” go together? Comfort = flannel with butt flap; seductive = underwire and g-string burn. It’s a simple mathematic principle known as inversely proportionality. If one of the variables is directly proportional to the multiplicative inverse of the other, or if their product is a constant, it means that as the absolute value of one variable gets bigger (seductiveness), the absolute value of the other gets smaller (comfort). Or as Dr. Love says, “the longer it takes to put it on and the more it pinches, pulls, chafes and/or itches, the sexier it actually is.” Did I mention Dr. Love is in my pants? She’s really the authority on all things boudoir.

Eva departing JFK March 8th: