Chloe Sevigny had the girls on full display at the launch party for Prada’s new book over the weekend, but for the love of God, you’d think she would have picked better lingerie for the occasion. What she’s wearing looks llike a cross between a nursing bra and an old gym sock. I’ve seen sexier lingerie hanging over the rail of my grandmother’s shower.

Arriving at Prada’s Beverly Hills boutique:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

“Gossip Girl’s” Leighton Meester spreads ‘em in a leather basque zipped down to there in next month’s issue of GQ magazine. Well, I assume it’s a leather basque. It might just be an old timey do-it-yourself Brazilian bikini waxer, or “boyfriend with braces” as it became known in the mid-1970’s.

This is Daiana Ygropoulou (pronounced “Nice Rack”) in the November ‘09 issue of Greek Nitro Magazine.  I’ve never heard of Dalailama Youngroupooloop or Nitro Magazine, but I didn’t see the point in asking questions and neither should you.

Boy, the last time I saw abs like these, it was this morning and I was looking in a mirror. But I can’t go around looking in a mirror all day, now can I? It’s just not practical. And you wouldn’t believe how hard it makes navigating a school zone. That’s why I’m glad that Mila Jovovich decided to show hers off in Italian Maxim. Involuntary manslaughter and vehicular homicide charges can really cramp a girl with rockin abs’ style.

Michael Lohan’s mission to get daughter Lindsay into rehab has now progressed into a shock-and-awe media campaign, complete with his airing a list of all the prescription drugs she’s currently using. According to Page Six

[Michael said], “She is taking Adderol, Xanax, Paxil. She’s a beautiful girl but she looks 100 years old.”

For those of you who didn’t regularly buy pills from your RA’s boyfriend freshman year, Paxil is used to treat depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Adderall is used to treat attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and narcolepsy. Xanax is prescribed for anxiety disorders and panic disorders. So unless she’s a hyperactive narcoleptic Korean war vet with polycystic ovarian syndrome and compulsive hand-washing issues, she’s taking waaaay too much goddamn medication. I bet the words “Glaxo-Smith Kline” and “Pfizer” are permanently branded into her liver by now.

And now, for someone who doesn’t look 100 years old — Megan Fox in VIP magazine:

Now here’s a costume that’s all trick and no treat! The trick of course being “an enormous shoehorn and two industrial-sized tubs of Crisco.” Mariah would have made a much more convincing Huttese crime lord or Outer Rim gas giant.

Cheesah beecha wonky Chewbacca:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News Online

Even MORE of Fatty Fatty Fat Fat after the jump!

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Fan of the Spice Girls or not, I think we can all agree on one thing here: Ru Paul never looked more convincingly female. I can’t even see a bulge or a tuck anywhere!

Mel B in ads for her new underpants line, plus bonus pics of Italian actress Lola Ponce in a see-through mesh dress at the Inglourious Bastards premiere in Rome after the jump:

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I still can’t figure out who Christina Milian is, and as a matter of fact I’ve become pretty convinced that she and Vanessa Minnillo are actually the same person.  Have you ever seen the two of them together?  EXACTLY, my friends.  Case closed.

Christina and/or Vanessa in the July ‘09 issue of Maxim:

Nothing’s official yet, but it looks as though Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are planning to get married. The Daily Mail says

23-year old [Kerr], who first started dating Orlando Bloom in late 2007, is now rumored to be engaged to the Lord of the Rings star. The couple looked extremely loved-up during a visit to Cannes earlier this week… and Miranda has been spotted wearing what looks like an engagement ring on her left finger.

Orlando Bloom might have starred in two of the most successful movie trilogies of all time and just laid claim to gorgeous lingerie model, but I’m not worried. Not at all. My day’s coming. Why, just last week my mom told me I was destined for a lifetime of fame and success. Only she used the expression “even a blind pig finds an acorn every now and then,” and instead of giving me a reassuring hug, she dumped my suitcase on the ground and peeled off in a cloud of dust and gin, but I know that’s what she meant. Sometimes you have to look past “words” and “actions” to discover the true meaning inside.

(Unretouched!) lingerie shoot and (retouched) VS swimsuit catalog pics:

I’ve never heard of Gemma Merna before, but apparently she’s a UK glamour model who’s in this week’s issue of Nuts Magazine.  She also has a gigantic rack, and I figured that was pretty much all you worthless pervs would care to know.

The February ‘09 issue of Nuts Magazine features a list of Britain’s 50 Sexiest Single Babes and topping the list is Gemma Atkinson, who the magazine dubbed “Britain’s Sexiest Single 2009″.  I’m not sure which criteria they used to sort their list, but considering the fact that Gemma’s biggest screen credit was “Hollyoaks” from three or four years ago, I’m guessing the state of contenders’ CVs had nothing to do with it.  I would imagine the focus was primarily on other… uhh, assets.

Victoria Beckham has stolen a page from husband David’s book by stripping down to her knickers for a new Giorgio Armani advert. Half-naked insect women must be 2009’s Birkin bag! The Sun says

Her… first ever underwear shoot [is] for the fashion house’s Spring Summer campaign. The 12 million modeling deal follows the huge success of David’s eye-popping Armani campaign last summer.

Only David did it much better. See, he’s an international superstar athlete with the body of a Teutonic god, and she’s a praying mantis with hideous fake tits and skin like a thirteen-year old boy. I could put a pair of cantalopes in a Cross-Your-Heart and hang ‘em from a stop sign and still it’d be more erotic than this shit right here.