I’ve always found Carey Mulligan very refined and lady-like and intelligent, by which I of course mean “inescapably boring.” However, that was before I saw this W Magazine cover with her in her bra. Now I might have to re-think everything. I’m like the Aristotle of boobs.
Remember how I told you that the 2012 Kelly Brook calendar only had six months instead of twelve? Turns out I was wrong. I was also never probed by aliens and I don’t have a tracking device in my head. What a difference a day and 240 volts make!
The tags on these photos of Candice Swanepoel said they were new, but I could neither confirm nor deny this, mostly because finding out would have involved me not looking at the pictures. I just figured I couldn’t run the risk of them not being new, because it wouldn’t be fair to you if they were. That’s just how much I care. Better to err on the side of of caution, I always say.
Just in time for Christmas, UK glamour model Kelly Brook’s super-sexy 2012 calendar is here. Only it seems the Kelly Brook calendar year is divided into six months instead of your traditional Gregorian twelve and the year apparently ends with June, because that’s all the scans I could find on the interwebs. I didn’t think it really mattered. I’ve never believed in the concept of linear time, anyway. Particularly when there’s boobs involved.
This is isn’t part of the calendar, but it provides a hearty does of WTF? to your day:
It’s exactly thirty-seven days, eleven hours and forty-three minutes until Christmas, so I thought that pics of Adriana Lima in Victoria’s Secret’s Christmas catalog would help get us in the holiday spirit. And for the record, I was almost ten before I learned that “getting in the holiday spirit” didn’t mean “stumbling around drunk in a red velvet suit with a visible erection and vomit in your beard.” Yeah, my dad made a pretty shitty Santa. You don’t even wanna know what I though “decking the halls” was.
When my kid starts bitching about taking tennis lessons this summer, I’m gonna march him right over to the computer and pull up these pics of Sports Illustrated model Brooklyn Decker and then smack him upside the head with his own racquet. Don’t ever question your mother, dumbass.
Tennis star Andy Roddick’s wife for La Senza lingerie:
The thing that sucks about winter is you get way less hot bikini action than you do in the summer. Fortunately, Victoria’s Secret has taken it upon themselves to rectify that injustice by putting pics of Candice Swanepoel in a bikini in their holiday catalog. Which ultimately begs the question, is that a yule log in your pants, or are you just happy to see me? Beats the hell outta ten lords a-leaping, I can tell you that.
Victoria’s Secret supermodels Candice Swanepoel and Erin Heatherton were aptly dressed for the launch of their latest Angel fragrance and the Dream Angels bra at the Victoria’s Secret in SoHo yesterday. All I know is if I’m ever on the operating table and I code, this better damn well be what I see when I go into the light. Anything else will make heaven a giant disappointment.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Cintia Dicker is 25, but she looks about fourteen in these pics, which is why I find looking at her in her underpants uncomfortable. And that’s exactly what I told the cops when they seized my hard drive in the raid.
These pics of Candice Swanepoel in the latest Victoria’s Secret catalog don’t have anything to do with anything, but they’re not Lindsay Lohan, so here you go. Consider it a little something to wash down the taste of that last post. Besides, I figured you might have wanted to see someone whose hair is blonde instead of her teeth for a change.
Hey, what’s the exact opposite of Kristen Stewart in a full suit of armor? Candice Swanepoel in a sexy cowgirl outfit. Meet the yin to her yang. Now I have brought balance to the internet, just as the prophecy foretold!
Okay, so you can’t actually see her boobs, but she’s still technically topless. Therefore I can in good conscience title this post “Kate Upton Topless,” because as I previously established, she is, in fact, topless. And just how many times can I drop the words “Kate Upton topless” in one post? Enough times to boost my Google ranking a couple of notches? I’m afraid that one still remains to be seen. Maybe you should google it.
