Lisa Rinna debuted her new less-hemorrhoidy lip at a Borders in New York yesterday while promoting her latest book “Starlit.” She said of her new mouth (via Nine MSN):

“I had never thought I could do anything about [my old lip] — you have silicone put in and that is that,” she [said]. “When I found out you could reduce it I said, ‘Yes, lets do it.’”

Lisa said she was surprised at how much she got bagged out for having a giant pecker.

“For 24 years I had this lip… I think everyone guessed it but I just never said it was true, and when I came out and said it, it just opened the floodgate.”

But don’t worry — Lisa’s old lip has been given a new home, where it can have lots of room to roam free and be outside. It’s the “farm upstate” for discarded collagen pouts. Just look at how happy it is to be with its own kind!

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Despite proclaiming that she loved the end results of her 1986 silicone injection, Lisa Rinna had her top lip surgically reduced on August 26. According to People magazine:

“My lips started to define who I am,” Rinna, 47, [said] about why she decided to undergo the procedure. “That bothered me.”

Public reaction to her plastic surgery confession last year also upset her. After finally admitting that she had silicone injected into her upper lip, Rinna says, “I took a big hit for being honest. It gave everyone online permission to lambaste me. It hurt my feelings.”

[But Rinna] is ready to keep a stiff upper lip about her new upper lip. “It doesn’t matter what other people think,” she says. “I did it for myself.”

People who make a point of saying they’re doing something “for themselves” and that they don’t care what other people think are always full of shit. She just said the reason behind her surgery was that she didn’t like PEOPLE defining her by her lips and she didn’t like PEOPLE making fun of her hemorrhoid mouth. Ergo, it was completely because she cares what other people think. The defense rests, your honor!

See Lisa and her pucker naked here:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

I don’t know if Amy Winehouse is constipated or just trying to stave off a bout of explosive diarrhea from spraying out of her bottom. But what I DO know is that her ass should probably be measured with a protractor from here on out, because it makes a damn near perfect 45-degree angle. Isosceles triangles everywhere must be so jealous!

Amy outside a pub in Kentish Town; Britney Spears in a bikini in Hawaii. I figure one crazy bitch’s as good as another:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

Anyone who saw the original Karate Kid and ever owned a Swatch watch will remember Taylor Dane’s dance-pop turds “Tell It to My Heart” and “Don’t Rush Me.” If you don’t remember them, it’s mostly likely because your generation sucks and you are the end result of the exponential decay of Western society. Oh, sorry — let me translate that 4U: that’s “ur gnr8n sux EOT KMA 4Q hannah montana ^URS!!!!” Anyway, Taylor Dane’s lips are goddamn disgusting. The end. ::poof::

I guess this is one mistake she hasn’t made before:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Everyone keeps saying how Sophie Monk has gone and ruined her face with a bunch fillers and injectable-plumpers, but I don’t know if I believe that. Maybe she just had a permanent allergic reaction to some bad shellfish. Or maybe she wore a hornet’s nest like a sombrero while shotgunning tabasco and habanero chilis. What am I, psychic?

In Cosmo next month:

Lindsay Lohan wants you to know that her lips are 100% natural. Naturally full of Juvederm, I assume. She posted the picture above on her Twitter and wrote

“See! my lips are just as they’ve always been lol-it’s nuts that i feel the need to give proof! what is this world coming to!!”

There’s no denying there’s a big difference between her lips six years ago and her lips today (see pics below), but who knows? Maybe she’s telling the truth about not going under the needle. God only knows how many cocks those things were wrapped around over the past six years. Maybe all that shaft-swallowing works as a natural lip plumper.

^{PHOTO SOURCE: Awful Plastic Surgery}

Jessica Biel and Jennifer Garner team up in a best friends-y photo shoot for next month’s issue of Marie Claire, and seeing them side by side like this makes you wonder — which one got the better fake lips? (The last two thumbs below are before-and-after pics of both actresses for your reference.) I’ve been looking at them all morning and I still can’t decide. I think the only way to settle this is with science, by which I mean a good ol’ fashioned girl-on-girl kiss-off. You know, to measure, uh, lip density and overall volume and… um, pressure per square inch and then map it on a graph for an accurate and fair comparison. Or we could just go with a full body contact naked oil wrestling match. See, the great thing about science is that it’s pretty impartial.

After her three-second trip to India to make a BBC documentary about child trafficking, Lindsay Lohan took to the interwebs to claim that she personally helped rescue 40 child workers in one day. She tweeted (which has since been removed, btw):

“Over 40 children saved so far…Within one day’s work. This is what life is about…Doing THIS is a life worth living!!!…traffiking [sic] is a big issue here, I’m doing what I can, and I will continue to do so as long as life when time permits it.”

But that’s not exactly how it went down. At least not according to the charity and local magistrates who led the actual raid after two months of careful planning. The NY Daily News says

Neither Lohan nor the British Broadcasting Corporation were present at the time of the rescue.

“She was not even in the country when this raid happened,” social activist and lawyer Bhuwan [said].

The operation took place hours before Lohan landed in India and a day before the actress and a BBC Three film crew visited the rehab centre.

Bhuwan [added, "Lindsay Lohan would not even] know where these workshops are.”

So Lindsay Lohan saved forty kids all by her lonesome? Ooh, I bet Al Gore and his internet are soo effing jealous right now!

Paying lip service in LAX:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online