Country music icon Dolly Parton graced the red carpet at the premiere of her new movie with Queen Latifah, “Joyful Noise,” a flick that promises to have plenty of oh-no-she-di-int sassiness and various odd couple/fish-out-of-water hijinx. And after all these years, Dolly Parton’s still got it. “It” of course being “a face that made my three-year old nephew turn his head and say, ‘Make that scary lady go away.’” True fucking story. Kids and dogs, man. They know when something’s not right.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Lindsay Lohan wants you to know that her lips are 100% natural. Naturally full of Juvederm, I assume. She posted the picture above on her Twitter and wrote

“See! my lips are just as they’ve always been lol-it’s nuts that i feel the need to give proof! what is this world coming to!!”

There’s no denying there’s a big difference between her lips six years ago and her lips today (see pics below), but who knows? Maybe she’s telling the truth about not going under the needle. God only knows how many cocks those things were wrapped around over the past six years. Maybe all that shaft-swallowing works as a natural lip plumper.

^{PHOTO SOURCE: Awful Plastic Surgery}

Jessica Biel and Jennifer Garner team up in a best friends-y photo shoot for next month’s issue of Marie Claire, and seeing them side by side like this makes you wonder — which one got the better fake lips? (The last two thumbs below are before-and-after pics of both actresses for your reference.) I’ve been looking at them all morning and I still can’t decide. I think the only way to settle this is with science, by which I mean a good ol’ fashioned girl-on-girl kiss-off. You know, to measure, uh, lip density and overall volume and… um, pressure per square inch and then map it on a graph for an accurate and fair comparison. Or we could just go with a full body contact naked oil wrestling match. See, the great thing about science is that it’s pretty impartial.