I wonder if they made Lisa Rinna’s lips RSVP to the premiere separately. She looks like she was hosed down with flesh-colored latex paint before she hit the red carpet.

How to Maximize Your Own Lips’ Volume and Lushness WITHOUT the Use of Dermal Fillers and Collagen Implants:

1. EXFOLIATE: Just like your skin, your lips needs exfoliating, too. Sloughing away dead cells will make the lips appear plumper because smooth lips reflect light more evenly. Smoother lips also appear more hydrated, and moist always = youthful. Whereas dry and wrinkled always = old. ALWAYS.

  • Tarte Maracuja Lip Exfoliant ($16) is a
    skin-softening scrub that sloughs away dryness with raw sugar and replenishes with pure maracuja oil for soft, smooth lips.

2. ANTI-AGING TREATMENT: Before you do anything, see Step 1. It’s a must. Exfoliating your lips will also allow for better penetration of any lip treatment you use, which will give you better results. And you want to use lip treatments. They can boost your own collagen production and accelerate cell turnover for added smoothness and suppleness.

  • Peter Thomas Roth Un-Wrinkle® Lip ($30) is a patent-pending blend of eight powerful anti-aging peptides and neuropeptides that increase lip volume and improve the definition of the lip line, leaving lips fuller, smoother, and more youthful looking. Yes, yes and YES, please.

3. MOISTURIZE: Um, duh. But you’d be surprised how many people don’t think to do it. After exfoliating and applying your lip treatment, slather on a heavy-duty moisturizer to seal everything in overnight.

  • La Mer The Lip Balm is a potent concentration of Crème de la Mer’s Miracle Broth™ — marine extracts, botanicals and vitamins — that seals dry lips and keeps lips from cracking. ($50)

4. PROTECT: Lips take UV damage, too. Find a gloss with a built-in sunscreen for added pout protection.

  • Miracle Skin Transformer’s Lip Rewind Advanced Peptide Lip Treatment Broad Spectrum SPF 20 ($24) injects your lips with hyaluronic acid and boosts collagen while broad-spectrum sun protection and antioxidant-rich butters help prevent premature aging.

5. COLOR: Lighter shades always make lips appear fuller than dark colors, and the shinier and glossier the color, the fuller your lips will seem. Some glosses to try:

  • Givenchy Gelée D’Interdit Smoothing Gloss Balm Crystal Shine has dehydrated hyaluronic microspheres that slip into the lips’ fine lines and increase their volume by up to 50 times for an instantly smoother and plumper lips. ($29)
  • Buxom® Full-On™ Lip Polish tingles and makes lips look plump and shimmery. ($19)
  • Fail-safe: Dior’s Addict Lip Glow is a universally flattering shade that adjusts with every skintone to create a unique color on the lips while also moisturizing and smoothing and generally being awesome. ($30)
  • Bobbi Brown’s Lip Gloss ($24) is formulated with avocado, jojoba and chamomile oils and a hint of vanilla so your lips actually taste as delicious as they look. Easily the broadest range of pinks of any cosmetics line. One of my faves!

I thought Lindsay Lohan’s lips were all swollen from getting busted in the mouth the other night at the Standard Hotel, but those wiser than me suggest that pout is just the aftermath of too much filler. And when I say “those wiser than me,” I of course mean “the British tabloids.” The Daily Mail says:

Lindsay Lohan certainly has cause to pout after recent allegations of vicious bar brawl surfaced, but perhaps the actress has gone slightly to far trying to perfect her pose.

The 25-year-old actress stepped out with swollen lips, sparking rumors she may have gone too far with plumping injections.

As well as sporting swollen lips the actress looked like she had a double chin as she was heading out in LA yesterday.

After I read that little bit in the Daily Mail, I almost felt bad for her. No, seriously. Think about it. Okay, so she’s a compulsive liar and a thief, and yeah, she’s self-entitled and skeezy and completely fucking unlikable in every sense of the word, but she was raised by alcoholic drug addicts who routinely beat the hell out of each other and sacrificed her on the altar of Hollywood before she was even out of diapers. Maybe tearing her apart isn’t helping matters. Maybe I should step back, gain a little perspective and stop judging.

Nah, I’m just kidding. Fuck Lindsay Lohan.

Apparently The Captain was here at Coachella, too:

I’ve always thought “Transformers 3″ star Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s lips were fake, so I did a little digging for some good before-and after-pics to put up with this shoot. Turns out they’re 100% real. I found this pic of her at 17 toking on a water pipe, and her lips are as gigantic as ever. So logically, that would have to mean that one of her biological parents is part grouper (see last 5 thumbs below). It’s the only way to explain her mouth that doesn’t involve autonomous migratory hemorrhoids or a serious allergic reaction to bees.

Something’s really off about Kim Kardashian’s mouth. The last time I saw lips like that, they were made of waxy candy and in my trick-or-treat bag. Next time she should just go that route. It’d be a lot cheaper but would still give her the fake look she’s apparently after.

Photo source: Fame Pictures

Despite proclaiming that she loved the end results of her 1986 silicone injection, Lisa Rinna had her top lip surgically reduced on August 26. According to People magazine:

“My lips started to define who I am,” Rinna, 47, [said] about why she decided to undergo the procedure. “That bothered me.”

Public reaction to her plastic surgery confession last year also upset her. After finally admitting that she had silicone injected into her upper lip, Rinna says, “I took a big hit for being honest. It gave everyone online permission to lambaste me. It hurt my feelings.”

[But Rinna] is ready to keep a stiff upper lip about her new upper lip. “It doesn’t matter what other people think,” she says. “I did it for myself.”

People who make a point of saying they’re doing something “for themselves” and that they don’t care what other people think are always full of shit. She just said the reason behind her surgery was that she didn’t like PEOPLE defining her by her lips and she didn’t like PEOPLE making fun of her hemorrhoid mouth. Ergo, it was completely because she cares what other people think. The defense rests, your honor!

See Lisa and her pucker naked here:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

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