Because “having a face that should be staring up at you from the seafood counter” will only get you so many jobs, Lisa Rinna has taken up selling adult diapers. Hey, beggars can’t be choosers. Thanks, Oops I Crapped My Pants! Says Daily Mail,

Lisa Rinna is known for making headlines on account of the gravity defying 48-year-old body she has managed to maintain years after her rise to stardom in Days of Our Lives.

But now, the soap star is lending her tabloid power to a slightly less glamourous cause in an advert for Depend incontinence pants.

The endorsement of such a young, attractive celebrity will be a surprise to anyone who remembers Depend as a product advertised by older folk on golf courses.

But, in a staged interview with a Depend host, Ms Rinna appeared eager to share the reason she agreed to wear and promote the diaper for charity.

‘I am a champion of the positive self-image for women, and what I love about the new Silhouette is it makes a woman feel confident,’ she says twirling on the rake red carpet. ‘And it’s fashionable.’

Ms Rinna is joined by her husband of 15 years, actor Harry Hamlin, who gives his own review of the product after sliding his finger over her famous curves.

‘I cannot even feel it,’ he concludes rather lasciviously.

The television star joins a handful of other more youthful famous faces in the new campaign aimed at baby boomers for the Silhouette for Women and Real Fit for Men.

In the video, she talks about the charity that the Kimberly Clark brand agreed to donate $225,000 to on her behalf.

‘I’m doing it for Dress for Success which is an amazing charity that helps women get their confidence back so they can go back out in the workplace and get their lives back together,’ she explains.

Wearing a stunning, tight-fitting black evening dress, the svelte star exclaims: ‘I’m wearing an evening gown for God’s sakes and you can’t tell I have it on. Check out the booty!’

In a rather more rehearsed plug for the product she says: ‘It feels great and they’re so soft.’

‘This product shows women you can still look and feel fabulous,’ she gushes.

Well, I for one am relieved that I won’t have to see Nana’s bulky diaper anymore when I drop her off at her pole-dancing class down at the senior center.

Lisa Rinna debuted her new less-hemorrhoidy lip at a Borders in New York yesterday while promoting her latest book “Starlit.” She said of her new mouth (via Nine MSN):

“I had never thought I could do anything about [my old lip] — you have silicone put in and that is that,” she [said]. “When I found out you could reduce it I said, ‘Yes, lets do it.’”

Lisa said she was surprised at how much she got bagged out for having a giant pecker.

“For 24 years I had this lip… I think everyone guessed it but I just never said it was true, and when I came out and said it, it just opened the floodgate.”

But don’t worry — Lisa’s old lip has been given a new home, where it can have lots of room to roam free and be outside. It’s the “farm upstate” for discarded collagen pouts. Just look at how happy it is to be with its own kind!

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Despite proclaiming that she loved the end results of her 1986 silicone injection, Lisa Rinna had her top lip surgically reduced on August 26. According to People magazine:

“My lips started to define who I am,” Rinna, 47, [said] about why she decided to undergo the procedure. “That bothered me.”

Public reaction to her plastic surgery confession last year also upset her. After finally admitting that she had silicone injected into her upper lip, Rinna says, “I took a big hit for being honest. It gave everyone online permission to lambaste me. It hurt my feelings.”

[But Rinna] is ready to keep a stiff upper lip about her new upper lip. “It doesn’t matter what other people think,” she says. “I did it for myself.”

People who make a point of saying they’re doing something “for themselves” and that they don’t care what other people think are always full of shit. She just said the reason behind her surgery was that she didn’t like PEOPLE defining her by her lips and she didn’t like PEOPLE making fun of her hemorrhoid mouth. Ergo, it was completely because she cares what other people think. The defense rests, your honor!

See Lisa and her pucker naked here:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Not content to let Demi Moore be the only over-the-hill chick to post pictures of herself in a bikini, silicone nightmare Lisa Rinna put up her own bikini pics on Twitter yesterday. She tweeted:

Doin the Demi! Power to the 47yr olds!!!!! She is my idol!

And then there was this photo she put up a couple days ago of herself in a sports bra with the caption:

Here is the Situation- I look better when I don’t do anything no work out no nothin! What’s up with that?!

I guess Twitter’s 140 character limit kept her from writing what she really wanted, which was, “Hey, everybody — look at me!! Look at me!! Look at me!! Look at me!! Look at me!! Look at me!! Look at me!! Look at me!! LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”

^{PHOTO SOURCE: Nine MSN}

It’s weird, but I actually think Lisa Rinna looks better without all the makeup and lip grease. Don’t get me wrong — it’s still disgusting no matter how you slice it (plastic surgery pun intended!), but in more of a “nurse, clean that afterbirth off the floor” versus “please pass the grilled placenta to Daddy” sort of way. You gotta try to see the good in every situation.

In a bikini (and in full makeup) this summer:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

You’ve already seen her completely naked in Playboy, but here’s some pictures of Lisa Rinna in a bikini in Malibu yesterday anyway. It’s kinda like opening up the present “Santa Claus” left and discovering that it’s actually the BMX bike your parents gave you for your birthday before dad lost his job, only repainted with primer and one of the pedals replaced with a ping pong paddle and a wad of old newspaper where the seat’s supposed to be. Merry fucking Christmas, ingrates.

^{PHOTO CREDIT: Nine MSN}

Lisa Rinna went on the Today Show yesterday to plug her new book “Rinnavation,” and naturally the talk turned to her comically oversized lips. She said:

“I went out and had silicone put in my top lip 23 years ago. Period, end of story. I had a small top lip, my girlfriend and I went and did it together [after seeing Barbara Hershey in "Beaches,"]… but what happens is, after years and years, you form some scar tissue.

But I like [them]! I’ve always been okay with [them]. I’ve always felt good about [them].”

She might have said she was going for the “Barbara Hershey” look, but it’s pretty obvious her doctor heard the (NSFW) “bulging hemorrhoid” look. It’s an easy mistake to make. That’s why you never want to talk to your plastic surgeon with a mouth full of saltwater taffy from a distance of 50 paces.

The first of 45-year old Lisa Rinna’s Playboy pics have leaked online, and let me be the first to say that god damn her body is fantastic. The face, not so much, but the rest is masturbatory gold. You can see lots more of her nakedness by joining Playboy’s Cyber Club, which you have to admit is a fantastic name for a bunch of naked lady pictures. It sounds futuristic and highly exclusive, like a kind of Jetsons-meet-the-Kennedys sort of thing, like maybe you’d sit around in leather wingback chairs with a snifter of brandy inside a starship equipped with a warp drive and a hologram deck. I can see why “Jerk Off Team” and “Meat Beaters Convention” didn’t make the cut.

UPDATE: Now with even more meat-beating action!

The Grammy Awards were last night, and they were a total snoozefest.  Admittedly, I was powerfully hungover all day yesterday, but I watched the Grammys and they were so boring that I swear I fell asleep at least nine times before they finally ended.  Every performance that wasn’t Radiohead sucked, and  nearly everyone looked like ass on fire.  The header pic is Coldplay, who (naturally) showed up looking particularly jackassy.  Nothing awesome happened at all, and if there were any funny acceptance speeches then they were during my bouts of unconsciousness.  Here’s a round-up of the shiny, the slutty, and the strange.

Carrie Underwood looked super boring, but otherwise okay I guess:

Miley Cyrus was dressed like she was attending the funeral of her own dignity:

Taylor Swift was in mourning with Miley, apparently:

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Meryl Streep and Sean Penn were the big winners at last night’s 15th annual SAG Awards, along with “Slumdog Millionaire” and oh, Jesus Christ, who fucking cares anymore. People Magazine says

The SAG Awards – which are voted on by the union celebrating actors and are broadcast from Los Angeles’s Shrine Auditorium – are considered by many in the industry to anticipate Oscar winners.

The cast of Slumdog Millionaire was named outstanding cast in a motion picture, foreshadowing a probable Best Picture Oscar win.

Kate Winslet was named best female actor in a supporting role for her part in the Holocaust drama The Reader. In the supporting male category, Heath Ledger earned another posthumous trophy for his role as the macabre Joker in The Dark Knight.

But everyone agreed that the biggest surprise of the evening was learning that SAG stood for “Screen Actors Guild,” not “Self-absorbed Ass-kissing Gasbags.” Acronyms can be so misleading sometimes!

Eva Longoria in a shitty orange dress with shitty orange hair:

Lisa Rinna looking like a blow-up doll that was hosed down with turpentine and left in the sun:

Teri Hatcher in a ridiculously fluffy dress and the always impeccable Marcia Cross:

Hell yes Jack Bauer:

Obligatory Brad and Angelina:

Kate Winslet showing off her Golden Globes:

The eh-sultry and eh-spicy Penelope Cruz:

The complete list of winners, along with more pics of Tina Fey, Christina Applegate, Olivia Wilde and additional Brangelina for your viewing pleasure after the jump.

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Lisa Rinna is going to let you in on a little secret — those aren’t her real lips! Who know? Her secret: injectable Juvéderm. Gallons of it. She tells In Touch Weekly

“We all know everyone does it! We go on Jenny Craig and do all these things to change ourselves, so why can’t we get a little filler?”

But while a little is one thing, Lisa admits she recently overdid it. “I saw a picture of myself and thought, ‘Uh-oh,’” admits Lisa. “You have to be careful. I’m a perfect example of that!”

She thought, “uh-oh?” What the hell is that? “Uh-oh” is what you say when a four year-old spills his milk in the floor. “Uh-oh” is what you say when your shoe comes untied. “Uh-oh” is NOT what you say when you realize you’ve mangled your once-beautiful face and turned your mouth into a greasy pulsating hemorrhoid that talks. What she should have said is “Oh, God, NOOOOOOOO!” before smashing every mirror in the house and using the broken pieces to hack away at her sausage lips in front of her terrified children and housekeeper. You gotta make it mean something, Lisa. Otherwise, people will never understand the dangers of Juvederm addiction.

In a bikini, because it helps distract from her lips:

A rainbow-bikinied Lisa Rinna frolicked in the waves on the beach in Malibu yesterday, and why wouldn’t she? Her whole fucking life is practically a vacation. It’s one of the many perks of playing pretend for a living, besides the money and the sense of entitlement. Not that I’m bitter or anything. See, I have my own ways of escaping reality. They’re called “World of Warcraft” and “grain alcohol.” Lisa Rinna can suck it!