Katy Perry was front and center at the Louis Vuitton fashion show in Paris yesterday in this sexy little number. Rowr. Now, don’t speak French, but I think it’s pretty obvious “haute couture” must mean “massive cans.” Everything sounds fancier when you say it in the language of love.

The latest Madonna Louis Vuitton ad has made its way online, a seamless blend of vintage glamour and gritty film noir sexuality (click banner pic for full-size). Of course, I’m presuming “film noir” is French for “from inside the seventh circle of hell.” I don’t know because I don’t speak the language of surrender, as it were. But Frog or not, you have to admit that Louis sure knows what he’s doing. Nothing makes me think “leather bag” like a 50-year old woman’s hoo-ha. Except maybe a catcher’s mitt that’s been left out in the rain or an old bean bag chair that’s been partially deflated and trampled by children, but those things just don’t have the same kind of artistic resonance.

What Madge would look like without all the plastic surgery and placenta wraps — her 4-years-younger sister Melanie: