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The teenage girl who accused Justin Bieber fathering her bastard child has quietly dismissed her paternity lawsuit against him, mostly because he publicly announced he would take a paternity test and counter-sue her for defamation. TMZ says:

The suit was quietly dismissed late last week. What’s more, Mariah Yeater’s lawyers have withdrawn from the case.

Justin not only planned to take a DNA test when he returned to the U.S., he was going to sue Yeater and her lawyers for making a bogus claim. Justin’s lawyer called the [Yeater's] attorneys and informed them a suit was looming.

Apparently, they got the message.

It’s a well-known fact that teenage girls are total liars. The only thing they do more than lie is steal. That’s why you can’t trust them. And also because half of them turn out to be undercover police officers once you meet them outside the internet.

UPDATE: Not exactly.

19-year old Mariah Yeater filed papers in court yesterday alleging that she had sex with 17-year-old Justin Bieber after his October 25th concert in Los Angeles, and now she wants him to take a paternity test to “scientifically confirm” he is the father of her three-month-old son. So Justin doesn’t have pubes, but he has a son. Yeah, right. Adding to the drama is the fact that he’s been dating Disney starlet Selena Gomez this whole time. The Daily Mail says:

In an affidavit, [Yeater] allegedly said a security guard working for Bieber approached her and ‘asked if I wanted to meet Justin Bieber’ backstage.

‘Immediately, it was obvious that we were mutually attracted to one another, and we began to kiss. Shortly thereafter, Justin Bieber suggested that I go with him to a private place where we could be alone.

‘He told me he wanted to make love to me and this was going to be his first time.’

She said he led her to a bathroom where ‘immediately his personality changed drastically’.

She allegedly claimed: ‘I asked him to put a condom on for protection, but he insisted that he did not want to.’

In court papers filed on Monday, she is also demanding Bieber ‘provide adequate support for my baby’.

Californian Yeater also claims that her sexual encounter with Bieber was ‘brief, lasting only approximately 30 seconds’.

Justin Bieber is a one-pump chump? That sounds about right. Everyone’s awful at sex when they’re seventeen. All the awkward fumbling and poking and prodding. It’s almost like being examined by a vet.

Girlfriend Selena Gomez at The Fulfillment Fund’s 2011 Stars Gala November 1st:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Opportunely timed for the announcement of his upcoming mewling spawn with Beyonce, a bombshell has dropped on Jay-Z with the news of a secret lovechild.  The Daily Mail says:

The 41-year-old rapper, who has been married to the Crazy In Love singer for three years, allegedly has a secret child.

The 99 Problems singer reportedly fathered a young boy nine years ago with Trinidad model Shenelle Scott, according to Star magazine.
Jerard Andrews says his son Malik Sayeed was wrongly identified as the father, and DNA tests prove that Jay-Z is the boy’s biological dad.

‘At the time [he] was born, my son Malik thought he was his child, but they did DNA tests,’ he told the publication.

‘It’s been determined that [the child is] Jay-Z’s baby.’

According to the magazine, friends urged Sayeed to get a paternity test after the baby’s arrival because Scott had been seen around Jay-Z.
A source told the magazine that the child posses many of Jay-Z’s features, and that the rap mogul is currently paying Scott child support.

He is said to have even helped the new mother set up a home in Trinidad to raise the child.

‘Shenelle told me that Jay-Z gave her $1 million to keep her mouth shut,’ Jerald told Star.

‘My understanding is that he’s paying her child support.

‘Shenelle took the money and bought herself a really nice house in Trinidad that the whole family lives in now.’

According to the magazine, Jay-Z’s 30-year-old wife Beyonce, who is currently pregnant with their child, is well aware of boy and while at first furious, she has come to accept it.

It is unclear if the baby was conceived before Jay-Z met Beyonce, who has has been with for close to ten years.

Her husband is also reportedly still in contact with Scott, and has expressed interest in being a part of his son’s life.

‘She says he’s a good father and he has a lot of interest in [the boy],’ he told Star.

‘It was a big old mess at one time, but I think once they resolved the issue of fatherhood, of paternity, I think things started to level off.’

I’d be surprised if he didn’t have at least 5 bastard children tucked away, living off welfare. Black men make random sperm deposits as regularly as depositing paychecks–that is, if black men actually had jobs, aside from selling drugs or raping white women.

Beyonce channeling medieval times in her trunkhose, because Jay-Z’s face scares the kids:

 

Arnold Schwarzenegger (seen here with his housekeeper mistress and bastard son in 1999) announced yesterday that he would be pulling out of all future film endeavors — including a role in the fifth installment in the Terminator series — in the wake of his affair and illegitimate child scandal. His lawyer said in a statement:

“At the request of Arnold Schwarzenegger we asked Creative Artists Agency to inform all his motion picture projects currently underway or being negotiated to stop planning until further notice.

Governor Schwarzenegger is focusing on personal matters and is not willing to commit to any production schedules or timeline, [including] Cry Macho, The Terminator franchise and other projects under consideration. We will resume discussions when Governor Schwarzenegger decides.”

Terminator 2 was the first R-rated movie I was allowed to see as a kid, and one of my favorite sci-fi movies of all time, so I think it’s really for the best that Terminator 5 doesn’t happen. Nobody wants to see a 63-year old terminator. What’s he gonna do, chase kids off his lawn and complain loudly about the travails of irregularity?

More details and unflattering photos are being released on what seems like an hourly basis in the Arnold Schwarzenegger affair scandal, the latest of which shows the striking similarities between Arnold as Conan the Barbarian and his then 11-year old son. While most news outlets are blurring the child’s face, you’ll note that I’m not plagued by things like “restraint” or “scruples.” No charge for awesomeness, folks.

Anyway, Maria Shriver reportedly hired divorce attorney Laura Wasser yesterday after it was revealed that the maid’s bastard child and Shriver’s own son were born less than a week apart. The Daily Mail says:

It has emerged that Mildrid Baena, who worked as the Schwarzeneggers’ housekeeper for 20 years, gave birth [to Schwarzenegger's illegitimate son] just five days after Maria Shriver gave birth to the couple’s second son.

Baena’s son was born on October 2, 1997, according to documents unearthed today.

The actor and his wife welcomed their second son Christopher on September 27 that same year.

A birth certificate lists Baena’s then-husband, Rogelio Baena, as the father; however divorce documents filed in February 2008 state the couple have ‘no minor children’, which suggests her husband had discovered she had been unfaithful.

And then there’s this disturbing, bunny-boiling tidbit from TMZ:

Mildred Patty Baena had an obsession with Maria… Patty felt she was naturally “gorgeous” and wanted to look just like Maria.

Sources say Patty would dress in Maria’s clothing and even wear her jewelry around town.

And there’s more. When Maria would leave the house in the morning, [Patty] would crawl into the marital bed and do the deed with Arnold.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is an international movie star, a world-class body builder and the former governor of the third-largest state in the Union, and this is the woman he chooses to have an affair with. He could have been caught having sex with an actual goat and it still would have been less embarrassing for him.

Brooklyn Decker and Vanessa Hudgens at the MyHabit.com party in NYC last night, because I can’t look at any more pictures of Patty before lunch:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

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