The secret behind Jennifer Aniston’s smile these days is a little industry phenomenon known as “John Mayer’s wiener.” A friend of Mayer’s told OK! Magazine:

“John is good in bed. Not just good, but sensational. Every girl I know who has slept with John says it was the best sex of their life. I’m not sure what exactly he does, but after girls sleep with him, they’re ruined. Whatever John’s secret is, he should market it. He could retire from the music industry.”

So Johnny boy has some signature moves, huh? Well, I have a few signature moves of my own. Like pulling up my pants and apologizing, for starters. Or clamping my hand over my mouth with my eyes squeezed shut and shaking my head back and forth while dry-heaving. Call me, boys!