Notoriously temperamental supermodel Naomi Campbell was arrested at Heathrow Airport yesterday for assaulting a police officer who attempted to remove her from the plane. The NY Daily News reports

The volatile vixen went bonkers when flight attendants on British Airways Flight 269 informed her one of her bags was missing. Witnesses said Campbell, 37, began berating staffers. [One passenger] said, “It was pretty violent. You could hear her screaming. It went on maybe 10 or 15 minutes. It was so bad they had to get three cops to take her away.”

Authorities said she spit on and took a swing at one male cop before being deemed unfit to fly and removed from the plane in handcuffs. The London-to-Los Angeles flight left more than an hour late without Campbell, who was detained at the Heathrow police station.

A hard lesson for any girl to have to learn. While it may be perfectly acceptable to spit on migrant workers and slap the homeless, one person you don’t want to attack is a uniformed police officer. Same goes for any type of circuit court judge or parole officer. I’ve found you can adequately convey your displeasure by the simple act of taking a dump in the backseat of the squad car. That way, it’s just “misdemeanor indecent exposure” instead of “felony assault on a police officer.” Just as effective, and only a third of the jail time! Look for more handy tips like these in my soon to be published autobiography “Turning the Tables: You Can’t Fire Me Because I’m Firing YOU!”

Naomi for Pinko: