Buddy the Elf had to cross the seven levels of the Candy Cane Woods and go through the Sea of Swirly Twirly Gum Drops before he made it to the Lincoln Tunnel. Kelly Osbourne must have taken the Bologna Forest and Italian Sausage Meadow shortcut.

Nearly drowning fiance Luke Worrall in Miami:

Kelly Osbourne was arrested yesterday for allegedly slapping some broad in a Soho nightclub last summer. The Daily Mail says

Witnesses claim [Osbourne] flew into a rage after gossip columnist Zoe Griffin said her fiancé, Luke Worrall, was stupid.

Griffin is said to have taunted Osbourne, 24, that Worrall, 19, did not know what an earthquake was. The incident occurred in the Punk nightclub in August.

Call me naive, but I did not see Kelly Osbourne as the violent type. She struck me as more of a “chasing sour cream around a dinner plate with nacho while standing in line at the buffet for the third time” kind of girl. Perhaps that’s what they mean when they say “you can’t judge a book by its cover.” No matter how fat and disgusting its cover might happen to be.

At the Fox All Stars Party with her family: