Charlie Sheen is practically incapable of making a bad decision here lately. Like this one, where he decided to film a pilot for his own porn franchise using a dozen porn star hookers he rented from a Hollywood madam. And the best part is, he’s calling it “Charlie’s Devils!” The man’s untouchable! Radar Online says:

The madam, who goes by the name ‘Felony,’ describes the night she spent practicing different positions with Charlie and one of her clients [before] making a demo tape.

So where’s the tape now?

“Charlie’s got the tape. I gave it to him afterwards,” the madam said. “He was keeping it so he could practice. He’s getting jazzed about this whole project about starting his own line of porno.

He likes to explore his sexuality. He likes fetish, spanking, role play, really kinky stuff.

He likes a lot (of women)… he doesn’t just like one (at a time),” Felony said. “Sometimes he will be finicky and likes just one, but he generally likes to be surrounded by women.”

Given reports of his sexual prowess, you can understand why he’d want to put his exploits on tape. It’s not like you can just go out and buy a tape of some guy crying and apologizing for three minutes before he barfs in your hair. That’s precisely why the security footage from my senior prom is gonna make me a fortune on eBay one day! Charlie and I definitely have a lock on the market.

If there’s one thing NY Yankee Alex Rodriguez can’t pass up — other than a syringe full of testosterone, that is — it’s a good tranny whore. Kristin Davis, the she-male Manhattan madam who supplied disgraced New York governor Eliot Spitzer with hookers, claims A-Rod was her loyal customer over a span of several years. The NY Daily News says

Davis met Rodriguez in June of 2006 in a gym in Philadelphia, shortly after she opened a branch of her call-girl service [there].

Davis told a friend the then-married Rodriguez asked her, “What are you doing tonight?”

“I said, ‘I’m having dinner with my boyfriend. But if you’re looking for someone to hang out with, here’s a number.’ I gave him my agency’s card.”

That night, Davis told a friend, Rodriguez booked a two-hour “date” with one of her girls. Rodriguez soon became a repeat customer of one of Davis’ three Manhattan agencies. Two former employees said [that] A-Rod hired prostitutes more than a half-dozen times, often meeting them at the Four Seasons hotel on W. 57th St.

An an an e-mail exchange between Kristin and A-Rod provided by a former booker for Wicked Models proves that Rodriguez then began dating the madam while he was still married:

Rodriguez: “Thanks for setting me up with Samantha. She was gorgeous. But she is not you. When can I see you you are gorgeous . . .”

Davis: “Hi Alex. You don’t want to see me. I’m no fun. lol. Just because your (sic) so sweet, here are some pics of me and I appreciate the compliments. Your (sic) a doll. Thanks, Kristin”

Rodriguez: “You have been playing hard to get for a year now, your (sic) killing me.”

Davis: “It’s not playing I am hard to get. Maybe you should try harder.”

Rodriguez: “Kristin, I definitely will and I love the pics. I put the one on my cell so I can look at you all the time. Alex.”

Davis: “You are too sweet. I’ll let you know when I get someone you like.”

Rodriguez: “My sexy blonde girl. When can I see you again? I am addicted to you. Did you get the flowers I sent?”

Rodriguez’ persistence is said to have paid off with the buxom, 32-year-old Davis. Though Davis’ agencies typically charged clients more than $1,000 an hour, Davis told a friend: “Alex didn’t pay me… I went out with him just because he was so flattering. I couldn’t not give in.”

Davis told a friend she and Rodriguez grew apart “when he found out I had a new boyfriend. He got upset. What was I supposed to do? He was married.”

Well, you know what they say about dipping your “pen” in the “company ink” — you can dip all you want, but that don’t mean you can use your wiener to sign a check. People get all “freaked out” when you do. Definitely something to think about, Alex.