Former French president Jacques Chirac was rushed to hospital yesterday after “being mauled by his own clinically depressed pet dog.” No, not this thing. That’s a Bull Mastiff. This. The eight pound hamster with the bow on its head. The Daily Mail
The 76-year-old statesman was savaged by his white Maltese dog – which suffers from frenzied fits and is being treated with anti-depressants. The animal, named Sumo, had become increasingly violent over the past years and was prone to making ‘vicious, unprovoked attacks’, Chirac’s wife Bernadette said.
Jesus, no wonder France gets its ass handed to it on a regular basis. The only way this story could be any gayer is if it suddenly started menstruating and asked you if those pants made its butt look big.
The only known antidote to this kind of gayness, Alessandra Ambrosio: