Yesterday was Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, and in honor of his dream and the entire Civil Rights movement, I did not work. Instead I laid around in a chair all day smoking blunts, which is exactly what Rihanna did, and she’s black. And speaking of marijuana and the Civil Rights movement, I’d like to add that now that we’re “all sitting down together at the table of brotherhood,” I call dibs on the seat next to Rihanna. Puff puff, give, sister!

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Scarlett Johansson was photographed smoking a joint between takes while on location in Scotland for her new film ‘Under the Skin.’ I assume from the way she’s dressed that it’s a movie about Missy Elliot’s twin white sister or a woman who turned one of those bite suits they use to train police dogs into a successful canine protection outerwear line. Either way, I won’t be seeing it.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

25-year-old Shia LeBeouf can’t hold his liquor for shit (see here and here), but he still makes it a point to get belligerently drunk wherever he goes. Including Canada, where he’s currently filming “The Company You Keep” and getting his ass kicked in street fights. Radar Online says:

The actor managed to get in not one, but three fights in the early hours of Friday morning. According to an eyewitness, Shia appeared visibly drunk.

“He got into a confrontation with a couple of people,” the witness said. “He took a few punches to the face. He was obviously pretty intoxicated.”

Shia had to pulled away from a bar patron by security when the pair clashed inside the Cinema Public House just after 12:30 a.m. However, once outside, the patron ripped off his shirt and unleashed a one sided attack on the star.

[The patron] ran up to Shia hitting him to the ground with at least three punches to his head… then Shia just put his hands up and gave up,” the witness said.

Photos taken over the weekend [show] a sore and sorry Shia sporting grazes and swelling to his left side of his face.

He gets drunk, starts fights, and then gets his ass kicked. So what. That’s every Christmas I ever had growing up. In other dumbassery-related news, rapper Soulja Boy was arrested in Georgia this morning after cops pulled him over for a traffic violation and found a shitload of weed, guns and cash in the car. TMZ says:

21-year-old rapper — real name DeAndre Cortez Way — was popped early this morning by Temple Police Department officers in Temple, GA at 3:15 AM.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … Soulja was riding in an Escalade with 4 other men, which was originally pulled over for a traffic violation.

We’re told … during the stop, cops found a “substantial amount” of marijuana and cash inside the vehicle.” Soulja and the 4 other men were all arrested. Soulja is still being held in Carrol County Jail.

Law enforcement sources tell us officers also found guns inside the car — though it’s unclear if any of the men had the proper licenses to be in possession of the firearms. We’re told an investigation is underway.

One source with knowledge of the situation tells us there was roughly $70,000 in cash and drugs in the car. all 5 men were arrested on charges of possession of marijuana, possession with intent to distribute, and possession of a firearm during the commission of a crime.

Boy, what are the odds that a Cadillac Escolade full of black guys would yield a cache of illegal weapons and drugs? That almost never happens!

Miley Cyrus continues to hone her new “bad girl” image by toking on a bong while somebody films her just days after her 18th birthday. Of course, it’d be a whole lot cooler if the bong was actually packed full of marijuana instead of cilantro, but then posturing and posing is what Miley does best. TMZ says:

The video was shot during a party at Miley’s L.A. area home 5 days after her 18th birthday.

According to a source connected with Miley, the smoke filling the bong is a natural herb called salvia which has psychedelic qualities. Possession of salvia is legal in California.

As for the video … the source tells us it was shot by one of Miley’s friends — and theory is that someone stole or copied the video from that friend’s camera.

The only thing Miley sucks worse at than music is doing bong hits. She can’t clear the chamber, for starters, and I’m pretty sure she drooled down into the bong at one point. Gross. It’s like watching a retarded kid try to drink from a juice glass without using his hands. Party FAIL.

Being 18:

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

Rapper T.I. and his wife Tameka “Tiny” Cottle were arrested for possession of a controlled substance last night after cops pulled them over because they “smelled marijuana.” Through their car, mind you. The cops somehow smelled marijuana through their car. Maybe the cop was part bloodhound. According to TMZ:

L.A. County Sheriff’s deputies pulled over the rapper and his wife in a Maybach on Sunset Boulevard around 10:18PM. Deputies say they smelled marijuana.

When searching the vehicle cops found a controlled substance. The controlled substance was not cocaine, but rather the class of controlled substance that includes methamphetamines and ecstasy.

Law enforcement sources say both T.I. and Tameka were booked on felony possession of a controlled substance.

Smelled marijuana my ass. That cop saw a black guy in a pricey car and figured he’d turn up a gun, maybe, or at the very least some dope, because he’s a black guy in a fancy car. Strangely, even though the cop “smelled” marijuana, he never actually found any marijuana. So one could contend that the cop really had no probable cause to search the vehicle in the first place, which would mean the evidence against them should be thrown out, as it was obtained under false pretenses. I didn’t go to law school or anything, but I used to deliver sandwiches to this one firm downtown and I’ve been to court lots of times, so I’m practically an expert.

UPDATE 1: TMZ is now reporting that the drug the cops found is a purple drank called Sizzurp — aka codeine syrup — that is all the rage in the hip-hop community. The Kool-Aid man must be so pissed.

UPDATE 2: TMZ just changed their story — now it’s ecstasy the cops found, not purple drank.

Paris Hilton was busted with pot in South Africa earlier this month, and now she got caught smuggling it into France. Two guesses as to whether she actually suffered any legal consequences for it. Us Magazine says:

Paris Hilton was briefly detained on the French island of Corsica Friday after local authorities found less than a gram of marijuana in her purse.

The Corse-Matin newspaper reports the heiress, 29, was held after arriving at the Figari airport from Paris and released without charge. The paper adds Hilton was traveling with “people close to power in Malaysia” and was en route to Sardinia, Italy.

I couldn’t understand how Paris Hilton could smuggle dope into two different countries and not get her passport yanked, but then I got a hold of the Motion to Dismiss documents her attorney filed and it all made sense. And now, in a Yeeeah! exclusive, I present Paris Hilton’s previously unseen legal defense:

Motion To Dismiss: Paris Hilton Possession of Less Than One Ounce of a Class D Substance

Although the facts of the case are not in dispute, those facts heretofore do not prove a prima facie case of guilt. Therefore the defendant moves the court as follows:

1. To dismiss the action or in lieu thereof to quash the return of service of summons on the grounds (a) that the defendant is a United States citizen and was not and is not subject to service of process of France, and (b) that the defendant has not been properly served with process in this action, all of which more clearly appears in the affidavits hereto annexed as Exhibit A and Exhibit B respectively.

2. Defendant is in possession of a major wonky eye. Seriously, have you seen it? She’s only operating with 25% vision outta that thing, tops. How the hell would she know what’s in her purse when she can’t see out of the whole left side of her face? I really thought she had Bell’s Palsy this whole time. Honestly.

3. Helloooo…. wonky eye? I thought we covered this already. Heretofore pursuant other legal words blah blah blah fuck you, France!

The defense rests, your honor.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Wonk-eyed Big Bird Paris Hilton was hauled out of the Brazil vs Netherlands quarterfinal match and into a South African holding cell on drug charges Friday, but don’t get too excited, because she’s already out. The Daily Mail says

She and friend, former Playboy playmate Jennifer Rovero [seen in the photo above], were arrested when sniffer dogs found marijuana in a designer handbag.

Paris and the blonde ex-model were followed by undercover police after the Brazil v Holland game. Officers boarded their luxury coach and unleashed sniffer dogs, which went straight to them.

They were arrested and fingerprinted at a police station close to the Nelson Mandela Bay stadium after spending four hours locked down until they appeared before a special World Cup court.

However, at the hearing, Paris was told: ‘The charges have been withdrawn by the state. Please step down.’

Ms Rovero [was given] the blame. Rovero admitted possession and was given an £80 fine and a deportation order.

I can’t think of a better place to have Paris Hilton forcibly incarcerated than the Rape Capital of the World. Provided Roseanne Barr’s colon and Hoboken, New Jersey were already at maximum capacity.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame

A never-before-seen home video of Marilyn Monroe toking on a joint nearly 50 years ago can be all yours for the bargain price of $500,000. The NY Daily News says

The silent film was shot by an unidentified friend of the iconic movie star and had been sitting in an attic for years.

Monroe is passed a cigarette and takes a puff. She doesn’t inhale deeply and later sniffs her armpit and laughs.

The filmmaker, who kept the footage in the attic, confirmed the cigarette contained marijuana.

“I got [the pot]. It was mine. It was just passed around,” the filmmaker said. “It was not a party. It was just a get-together. You know, come over and hang out.”

New York-based collector Keya Morgan bought the film for $275,000 and plans to put it up for sale on eBay later this week.

Be sure to catch Marilyn is other cult classics such as “Some Like it Pot,” “Seven Year Ditchweed” and my personal favorite, “Gentlemen Prefer Blunts.”

Iconic 1949 swimsuit photoshoot:

“Harry Potter” star Daniel Radcliffe was photographed smoking pot at a London party thrown by a friend of his girlfriend Laura O’Toole’s. The Daily Mirror says

Giggling Daniel Radcliffe got off his face on dope – as a friend scrawled a [magic marker] mustache on him.

The party-loving Harry Potter idol, a spliff between his fingers, could barely stop chuckling.

The screen idol, 20, lit up the joint in front of guests and repeatedly took deep drags. He also walked around the flat blurting out: “I love weed.”

“I didn’t recognize him as he looked so different to what I expected from the films. When my friend told me who he was, I was shocked,” [said a partygoer].

Oh, come one — what’s wrong with the occasional social toke? Smoking one joint doesn’t make you a stoner. Eating Taco Bell more than eight times a week and celebrating 4:20 in every time zone makes you a stoner. Recognize!

Part two of Whitney Houston’s first televised interview in more than seven years airs on today’s Oprah, in which she reveals she regularly smoked marijuana and crack and was “addicted” to ex-husband Bobby Brown. The Daily Mail says

The 46-year-old singer described her drug use, saying it became ‘heavy’ after her 1992 movie ‘The Bodyguard.’ She said she would take marijuana combined with rock cocaine. “You put your marijuana, you lace it, you roll it up and you smoke it,” Houston explained to Winfrey.

“I didn’t do anything without [Bobby]. He was very much in control. I liked that. When he said something, I listened. I was very interested in having someone have that kind of control over me. It was refreshing.

He was my drug,” Houston added.

And everyone knows you don’t just quit a drug cold turkey. You have to be weaned off of it. Like methadone for heroin junkies, or in this case, Jenkem for Bobby Brown addicts. See, your rehab meds have to be spawned from the same chemical family as your actual drug of choice. I figure a big bottle of hot fermented butt hash is about as close as one gets to Bobby Brown’s actual molecular structure without killing inadvertently themselves.

This is Ashley Greene at the Rock & Republic Robertson store opening.  Ashley Greene is in those Twilight movies, where she plays Alice Cullen.  Twilight sucks hard like a Dyson vacuum, but you know what doesn’t suck?  Cleavage.  Everybody loves breasts, right?  Right.

I do have one question, though.  Why is Ashley having so much trouble just standing still?  Why the hell are all these Twilight chicks so damn clumsy and awkward looking?  When they’re in dirty jeans, Chuck Taylors & sloppy hoodies they do an okay job of keeping themselves upright, but stick ‘em in a dress and a pair of heels and all of a sudden they’re like giraffes with fetal alcohol syndrome.  How is it possible that every one of these bitches always looks like she’s about to tip the fuck over?  They can’t all be stoners, can they?  Listen, there’s nothing wrong with smoking up once in awhile, but there is a TIME and a PLACE for rendering yourself the mental equivalent of a squirrel after a frontal lobotomy, and public appearances for YOUR JOB are not it.

Whatever.  Boobs:

More bad news for Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps — Dophin Boy has officially been suspended from USA Swimming competitions for the next ninety days. USA Swimming said in a public statement:

“This is not a situation where any anti-doping rule was violated, but we decided to send a strong message to Michael because he disappointed so many people, particularly the hundreds of thousands of USA Swimming member kids who look up to him as a role model and a hero.”

To add insult to injury, Kellogg’s cereal manufacturers have decided not to renew Phelps’ contract when it expires at the end of this month. Kellog’s said

“We originally built the relationship with Michael, as well as the other Olympic athletes, to support our association with the US Olympic team. Michael’s most recent behavior is not consistent with the image of Kellogg. His contract expires at the end of February and we have made a decision not to extend his contract.”

Well, fuck Kellogg’s, and fuck USA Swimming. Who needs them anyway? There’s a whole world of opportunities and open doors just waiting for Michael Phelps. I can think of at least ten right now right off the top of my head.

TOP TEN MICHAEL PHELPS POTENTIAL ADVERTISING GIGS:

10. Magic Mushroom head shop — now carrying Michael Phelps brand Gold Metal pocket-sized pipes!

9. The Urinator — Michael Phelps says “urine luck!”

8. Goldenseal — Goldenboy Michael Phelps Stays Golden with this all-natural herb!

7. Funions: it’s a Michael Phelps munchies must-have!

6. Visine: Get the red out, keep the gold in

5. Downy dryer sheets: because Michael Phelps’ mom doesn’t need to know

4. Track and Field II for Super NES: because you’ll never be Michael Phelps, so you might as well get high and pretend

3. Ohaus Voyager® laboratory analytical scales: because Michaels Phelps knows that every little bit counts

2. High Times cover boy: Goldenboy brings the Golden Haze to the Cannabis Cup

and the number one Michael Phelps potential advertising gig:

1. Hydrofarm Hydroponic Grow System: because Michael Phelps only does it with water!

On his way to practice in Baltimore: