46-year-old Sarah Jessica Parker poses with her two-year-old twin daughters Marion and Tabitha, son James Wilkie, and even husband Matthew Broderick in a Mario Testino photo shoot for next month’s Vogue magazine. Just to be clear, Sarah Jessica’s the one on the left in the above photo, not the one drinking out of the bowl the little girl is holding on the right. You’d think the editors at Vogue would know better than to put two horses in the same shot.

Mario Testino must have been knee-deep in Easter eggs and Marshmallow Peeps when he shot these pictures of Britney Spears for V Magazine. It’s amazing what a little overexposure and a new wig can do for a gal, isn’t it? Relatively speaking, of course. It’s like when your date walks into the restaurant wearing her prosthetic leg instead of just carrying it over her shoulder like a hobo’s knapsack.

PHOTO CREDIT: Mario Testino for V Magazine

Say what you want about Gisele Bundchen’s nose — there’s no denying that she’s got one of the most spectacular bodies on Earth. God really broke the mold when he made her. It’s a good thing, too, or some pervert weirdo would totally be masturbating with it right now. And by “pervert weirdo” I of course mean “me.”

PHOTO CREDIT: Vogue

V Magazine proclaims it’s “Lady Gaga’s World” on the cover of their September issue, on which Lady Gaga appears to be mid-fart and full black-face. Oh, and Gaga? 1971 Malibu Barbie called. She wants to know if anyone still thinks that joke’s funny. ‘Cause I sure as hell do!

Whoever smelt it, dealt it:

And for shits and giggles (mostly shits), Kate Moss in next month’s UK V Magazine (thumb 9 NSFW):

Jessica Simpson invokes old Hollywood glamour in a shoot by famed photographer Mario Testino for next month’s issue of Vanity Fair. While the photo shoot is lovely, the interview inside, not so much. The article begins like this:

[Simpson's] record sales, which peaked in 2003 when [Newlyweds] was in its prime, have fallen ever since — [her] country album sold fewer than 200,000 copies. Her movies: Blonde Ambition grossed $1,771 on its opening weekend; followed by Major Movie Star, which went straight to DVD, where it sank without a trace like a wounded ocean liner.

In short, it’s been a bad time for Jessica Simpson: flop, flop, country flop, fat picture.

She didn’t want to talk about her weight, so, of course, that’s all I could think of: What are you working on now [that you’re fat]? Do you see yourself as part of a class, with Christina and Britney [or are you too fat]? Do you feel that your relationship with Tony Romo has affected his performance as a quarterback [because you are fat]?

In short, it’s pretty obvious that Vanity Fair got her all gussied up just so they could have an excuse to call her a fat loser and publicly humiliate her in front of God and everybody. I swear, it’s just like my wedding day all over again, except nobody barfs in the punchbowl.