Kanye West scraped under the rim on the bottom of the barrel and managed to dig up Jared Leto, Mary-Kate Olsen, and the incomparable Lindsay Lohan to flank the runway at his first ever fashion show. Yes, Kanye West is designing a women’s wear line. And Mary-Kate is goth Draco Malfoy after a night in an opium den and Jared Leto looks like the lesbian art teacher. It made no sense to me, either. The Daily Mail says:

Lindsay Lohan showed up to support the hip hop star’s fashion show debut with his KW by Kanye West Ready to Wear Spring/Summer 2012 show.

He showed off his new line at the Lycee Henri IV venue, with Lindsay and Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, Ciara and Jared Leto in attendance.

I haven’t found any definitive reviews of his line just yet, but it just so happens an Italian man clawed out his own eyeballs the day after the show debuted in Paris. Coincidence? I don’t know. Geometric prints affect people in so many different ways.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

The last time I saw someone dressed like this, she was sitting on the steps of St. Paul’s Cathedral,  covered by pigeons and saying, “Feed the birds, tuppence a bag.”

Crazy bird ladies Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen at the premiere of “The Union”:

She of the perpetually-pursed lips Mary-Kate Olsen says she and sister Ashley had hard-knock lives as little tykes. CelebrityFix says,

Former child star Mary-Kate Olsen has talked about her tough showbiz upbringing, describing herself and her twin sister as “little monkey performers”.

The Olsen twin grew up in front of the cameras alongside her famous sister Ashley, and she now admits it was sometimes tough.

The 24-year-old told US Marie Claire magazine, “I look at old photos of me, and I don’t feel connected to them at all… I would never wish my upbringing on anyone.”

“But I wouldn’t take it back for the world,” she added.

Mary Kate also revealed that her sister helps her to deal with her fast-paced lifestyle, acting and running their fashion house, The Row, in New York.

“Sometimes Ash and I have to bring each other back, or push each other more,” she said.

“It’s really helpful to have another half; we’re constantly checking in with each other.”

Of course you wouldn’t take it back, silly. You can beat me over the head with a stick, put a vest and fez on me and yell, “Dance, monkey, dance!”, but as long as I’ve got multiple twins of Benjamins, it’s all good. It’s all good.

Back in June at the CFDA Fashion Awards. Don’t ask me to tell you who’s who:

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen always manage to dress 40 years older than they really are. The Twin on The Right (who knows who’s who?) looks like she skinned a black Wookiee, and the one on the left made nice use of plaited Christmas wrap for her jacket. They’re always so freaking somber, too. They must have the personality of a dish of lukewarm vanilla pudding.

At the premiere of Nine:

Mary-Kate Olsen made an appearance at the Museum of Modern Art’s Second Annual Film Benefit honoring Tim Burton last night in a knee-length leopard-print coat and a jaunty bowler’s hat. When asked for comment, all she could reportedly say was “Beeeee… gooooooood.”

A few more of Mary-Kate, plus some of the always-disheveled Helena Bonham Carter:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Ozzy Osbourne swore he would never play for pink slips again after losing his motorcycle to the Wicked Witch of the West in a late-night game of Winkie poker.

Mary-Kate “Bark at the Moon” Olsen and her boyfriend in the East Village yesterday:

Dozens of female celebrities and actresses — from the Olsen Twins to supermodel Cindy Crawford — get almost-naked in photographer Timothy White’s new book “Hollywood Pinups” ($39.95, Collins Design). Actress Angie Harmon, seen above, gets the most naked of all, but not just because naked hot chicks are awesome. The collection of naughty photos is actually a charitable endeavor — 100% of the proceeds go to fight global poverty. And, it seems, to aid those without an impetus to masturbate. Statistics indicate it’s the biggest problem currently facing males age 14-73 in our nation today! Won’t you do your part and get naked, too? I say it’s time to stop being part of the problem and start becoming part of the solution, ladies!

Mary-Kate does her best impression of a scarecrow walking around in what looks like Kurt Cobain’s old shirt. Poor little rich girl, she obviously doesn’t get enough food and her synapses aren’t all firing, making her latest outfit yet another epic fail in a long line of failures. Would it really kill her to drop the Schlumpy McDumpy look, do something NEW with her hair, and actually SHOW HER TEETH when she smiles, instead of that pursed smirk she always does? Damn! For being so vanilla, she seriously annoys me.

More of Mary-Kate wishing if she only had a brain

You might remember that Mary-Kate Olsen was the first person called after Heath Ledger’s unconscious body was discovered in his apartment in January of this year. Interestingly, Mary-Kate Olsen is also the only acquaintance of Heath’s refusing to talk to federal investigators. According to The Daily Mail

MK is demanding “immunity from prosecution” before she’ll give any details about his death to the feds.

Investigators believe the powerful painkiller [on which Heath overdosed] may have been obtained illegally and are desperate to find out where it came from. They contacted Olsen’s lawyer asking for the star’s help, but he has reportedly not allowed her to talk unless she is given immunity from prosecution.

Everyone else connected to Heath has been interviewed by federal investigators. Everyone except Mary-Kate, who has refused to speak.

Jeez, guilty much? Of course, once the media got a hold of this little tidbit, Olsen’s attorney issued the following statement:

“Despite tabloid speculation, Mary-Kate Olsen had nothing whatsoever to do with the drugs found in Heath Ledger’s home or his body, and she does not know where he obtained them. Ms. Olsen does not know the source of the drugs Mr. Ledger consumed. These descriptions are incomplete and inaccurate.”

Perhaps when under federal review, her decision to send her bodyguard instead of paramedics might be construed as “monumentally stupid” and “the final nail in his coffin.” Not to mention the all the decency laws she’s broken over the years wearing clothing that asinine. I’m sure there’s a substantial fine and mandatory jail time for those glasses at least.

Mary-Kate in Hollywood July 16th:

Although rumors emerged last month that she was headed to rehab, is Mary-Kate Olsen refusing to acknowledge that she has a drinking problem. According to Star Magazine

The twin was so out of it that she collapsed in a public parking lot and then spent a short time in a holistic health spa to detox. But that didn’t slow her down, and… now she’s out of control and needs more treatment fast!

“Mary-Kate seriously needs to get to rehab, but she doesn’t think she has a problem,” says a source. “She thinks she’s young, hip and entitled to live her life as she sees fit. But it’s affecting everything.

Look, just because people keep telling you that you have a problem doesn’t mean you actually have a problem. If I checked myself into rehab every time my parents or H.R. or the docent at the National Space and Air Museum told me I needed to get my shit together, I’d have spent the last ten years of my life in detox instead of drunk on the couch writing about people I don’t actually know. Think of all the good stuff you guys would have missed!

At the screening of The Wackness:

At the Late Show with David Letterman:

Video footage of Mary-Kate Olsen being carried to her car and then tumbling out of the backseat after partying in L.A. Thursday night has sparked rumors that The Thinspiration will be taking another sabbatical in rehab. (I searched high and low this morning for the footage, but it’s all mysteriously been yanked after making the rounds late Friday afternoon.) According to Full Disclosure

Olsen went to rehab in Utah in 2004 for an eating disorder amid rumors that she was also being treated for substance abuse. Now friends say she is out of control again.

“She refused to talk to Elle magazine about her involvement with Heath Ledger [and it] has brought the whole thing up in the press again and she has been depressed all over,” one pal tells us.

Boy, I wish I could make a living out of drinking my body weight and passing out on the street. Of course, for Mary-Kate, drinking her body weight translates to three Bacardi Breezers and a buttery nipple if she’s retaining water, but still. I’d be fucking Fortune 500 by now. You know, instead of just part-time in your mom’s pants. Buuurrn, mothafuckas!

At the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala last month with her sister:

Mary-Kate Olsen debuted the latest in Mrs. Roper’s goiter-concealing evening wear line at a children’s charity event last night in New York. Later on that same evening, she lead the crowd in a series of motivational exercises to chart-toppers from the fifties and sixties and encouraged them all to say “Farewell to Fat!”

One more of Roper/Simmons sexing it up after the jump

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