Remember Mel Gibson’s 2006 DUI arrest where he went on an anti-Semetic tirade and called one of the arresting officers “sugartits?” No, you don’t, because it never happened. Cue the Dale Gribble “shh-shh-shah!” TMZ says

Mel Gibson’s 2006 DUI is now officially off his record… after Judge Lawrence Mira just signed legal documents in Malibu.

Mel’s lawyer, Blair Berk, requested the motion to dismiss on September 21 after Mel successfully completed the terms of his three-year probation.

Boy, if Lady Justice were a real person, that blindfold would have been yanked down into gag restraint and she’d be in the fetal position still bleeding from the anus. I’ve already lived through my wedding night once, thank you very much. No sense in subjecting the legal system to it, too.

What will bring Mel Gibson back to the big screen, you say? A chance to get his hand up a beaver, that’s what! E!Online reports,

E! News can confirm that the Hollywood heavyweights, who last costarred in a movie together 15 years ago in Maverick, are set to join forces again for The Beaver.

A quirky comedy drama along the lines of 2007’s indie hit Lars and the Real Girl (or, depending on your humor, South Park), the Kyle Killen-penned script follows a down-and-out man (Gibson) who finds comfort wearing a beaver hand puppet. Foster will not only play his wife, but she’ll also helm the film, marking her first directing effort since 1995’s Home for the Holidays.

Well, if there’s anything that would draw apparent opposites lesbian Jodie Foster and chauvinist Mel Gibson together, it’s the love of the beaver.No word yet on whether the beaver puppet will be sporting sugartits.

He’s been linked to two different Oksanas and dozens of other women, but 53-year-old actor Mel Gibson arrived at the new X-Men premiere with Russian composer Oksana Grigorieva on his arm. Oksana is signed to Mel’s recording label Icon and reportedly two months pregnant with his bastard child. According to the Daily Mail

The Mad Max star appeared at the Los Angeles premiere of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, hand-in-hand with new love Oksana Grigorieva. The 39-year-old Russian singer’s appearance with Mel came as surprising given the fact his £640million fortune is at stake in his upcoming divorce battle.

The actor’s attendance at the premiere was unexpected as he rarely attends Hollywood events.

Even more unexpected was that Oksana appeared to have shanghaied Michael Jackson’s nose and Nikki Cox’s lips without either one of them noticing. I’ve seen CPR dummies with more natural features.

See Oksana’s lingerie pics here.

Here’s a sexy spread that Oksana Pochepa, the chick that supposedly did in Mel Gibson’s marriage, shot for Russian Maxim a few years back. You’ll note that Russian Maxim is kinda of like our Maxim, only instead of “never ending cycle of insurmountable poverty” they say “socialism,” and instead of “flies” they say “our national bird.”

Russian pop singer/model Oksana Pochepa is claiming to be piece of ass responsible for the demise of Mel Gibson’s marriage, but the women pictured with him in Costa Rica and on the set of his new movie look nothing like her. The Daily Mail says

Oksana Pochepa, 24, said she was the unidentified female photographed with the star during his Boston shoot of new movie Edge Of Darkness. She said she was also with him on holiday in Costa Rica.

However, the fair Miss Pochepa looks very different to the dark-haired woman who visited Gibson in Boston. The woman who embraced Gibson on a Costa Rican beach also bears little resemblance to Pochepa, leaving Mel linked to and pictured with no less than four women.

Mel Gibson might be a confirmed drunk and a whoremonger, but I don’t know if we can trust this Oksana chick. Something about her story doesn’t add up. And it’s not like Russians haven’t been caught lying before. Like last year when they claimed they were still a democracy and that one time they said they weren’t drunk. I’ll believe that when I see it!

All the various kitty he’s been linked to, and a bonus Oksana music video after the jump.

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Mel Gibson’s wife Robyn filed for divorce from her husband of 28 years last Friday, citing “irreconcilable differences.” According to TMZ

There is no prenuptial agreement — they were married in 1980, before Mel Gibson amassed a fortune estimated at $900 million. Under the laws of California, community property — which includes earnings — is divided 50/50.

Robyn is also asking for spousal support and attorneys fees.

Gibson was later seen swathed in blue paint atop an agitated horse in front the mansion he and his wife once shared, waving a Claymore sword and yelling, “You may take my stock options and my summer home in the Hamptons, but you’ll never take… MY FREEDOM!”

Various states of “You goddamn kids get off my lawn”:

After spending a week at his Costa Rica home last month, Britney Spears met up again with Mel Gibson in Beverly Hills on Tuesday. According to People magazine

For more than two-and-a-half hours, the singer, 26, and the actor-filmmaker, 52, met [at the members-only Havana Club] in an ongoing “guidance session.”

I’m sure the meeting ended poorly once Britney discovered that “Zionist agenda” and “Ziti à la mode” were two totally different things.

Here’s one you didn’t see coming: Britney Spears met up with Mel “The Holocaust Is A Lie” Gibson for a two-hour dinner Saturday night. According to People Magazine

Spears arrived at the restaurant with [a] friend; Gibson… [and] a few friends soon joined them in the restaurant’s private dining room. The group dined on filet mignon and Russian specialties, and drank water and soft drinks. Leaving the restaurant for her Studio City home around 8:15, Spears “looked happy,” says an observer, “so it seems the meeting was a success.”

“Success” of course translating to “a thorough discussion of the Zionist agenda, the culinary panache Cheez Whiz adds to most any fried dish, and the best DUI attorneys in southern California.” Schast’ya i zdorov’ya! To success!

Britney discount shopping at Forever 21 on Friday: