I was scanning the headlines this morning for celebrity DUI’s and upskirts and happened across this super-disturbing story about a three-year-old boy (photo here) who “absorbed” his partially-developed twin brother in utero — and still has the fetus in his abdomen. The twin apparently had eyes and hair and bones, but no organs. It’s like a goddamn Stephen King book or something. The Daily Mail says:

Surgeons were today preparing to operate on a three-year-old boy to remove the body of a ‘parasitic twin’ growing inside his stomach.

Isbac Pacunda was left with the rare condition after absorbing his would-be sibling inside the womb.

Doctors in Peru say the partially formed fetus has eyes, bones and hair on the cranium, but did not develop a brain, lungs, heart or intestines.

It weighs a pound and a half and is nine inches long.

A neonatologist at Rainbow Babies and Children’s Hospital in Cleveland said conjoined twins [cannot survive] when one twin absorbs the other.

Thinking that there could be an undead sibling lodged inside you is terrifying. Of course, it’s terrifying any time you find a lump somewhere on your body, but I’d still rather it’d be a cancerous tumor than what’s left of my organ-less twin sister. They only thing that can shake off that kind of creepy is more sexy outtakes from Ashley Greene’s Men’s Fitness photo shoot. Luckily, I came prepared.

It was rumored that “Pan Am” was already given the ax because it sucks and nobody watched it, but ABC says it still plans to continue it for another season. You have Ashley Greene’s hotness to thank for those additional 10 episodes, because it was the only reason that crappy show made it past the pilot. And don’t think she doesn’t know it, either. Radar Online says:

“Ashley came rolling on to the [Pan Am] set acting like a queen bee,” an insider [said].

“She was stuck-up with the crew and acted like appearing on TV amounted to slumming. She referred to herself as a ‘real movie star,’ and said she was sure her guest stint would boost ratings.”

The 24-year-old actress was [also] completely cold to her costars.

“Ashley didn’t want to socialize with Christina Ricci or Kelli Garner, the stars of the show,” the source says. “They had organized a welcome lunch for Ashley, but she blew them off. That was extremely off-putting to everyone.”

You can’t look like she does and not be a bitch. The world is her fucking oyster, man. If I looked like that, the only acknowledgement you’d ever get from me is maybe a fart in your general direction. I wouldn’t even make eye contact.

Outtakes from her photo shoot for Men’s Fitness:

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