Lindsay’s Lohan’s manager, entertainment lawyer and criminal defense lawyer were all on board the “emergency intervention” Michael Lohan staged last week, but Lindsay put the kibosh on the whole thing by calling the cops when her father showed up. Now Michael is petitioning a judge to order a conservatorship over Lindsay because she’s surrounded by “drug addicts and alcoholics.” TMZ says:

Michael has told an attorney his daughter is a substance abuser who is hanging with the wrong group of people, including Dina Lohan.

Michael will meet with lawyers early this week, and there’s one thing he does want — he will NOT become Lindsay’s conservator, because he doesn’t want to run her finances so people will pass it off as a money grab. We’re told Michael wants the judge to decide who to appoint conservator, but he says it CAN’T be Dina.

The first thing he will do if there’s a conservatorship is convince the conservator to send Lindsay to rehab, without the influence of the other people in her life. Michael says every time Lindsay has been to rehab — including at Cirque Lodge and Betty Ford — “She went in dirty and didn’t come out clean,” and he blames it on the people in her life who helped fuel her addiction.

Michael also told the lawyer he wants the conservator to somehow convince Dina that they need family therapy. He says Dina has always refused it in the past, and it has been a big stumbling block in Lindsay’s recovery.

So Lindsay of course is filing for a restraining order against her father now. Not that I fault her for it. The man wears mesh, for Chrissakes. According to TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan is royally pissed at Michael Lohan and his “intervention” attempt — and now she’s 100% on board with obtaining an order of protection against him … just like her mom wanted all along.

Lindsay feels the ONLY way to stop her dad from pulling his crazy stunts is to get a judge involved.

LiLo will fly to NYC this week to meet with the rest of her family — and they’ll figure out how to get the stay away order.

It’s all so very tragic. The Lohan family story is not destined to have a happy ending. Unless you meant “happy ending” in the Korean massage parlor sense of the word, in which case they’re destined to have plenty.

Everything about Lindsay’s outfit is wrong except for the Birkin bag, which costs more than my last three cars combined. But this bag from Reiss Angelina will only set you back $660.

Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael Lohan was arrested for the second time in less than a week after he violated the restraining order obtained by ex-girlfriend Kate Major for knocking her around when she refused to give him a blowjob. Oh, but wait — there’s more! When the cops showed up, he tried to escape his hotel room by jumping off a 3rd-story balcony into a fucking tree. TMZ says:

Tampa police responded to a call early this morning from Kate, who claimed Michael had been trying to contact her by phone and wouldn’t leave her alone.

Officers interviewed Kate at her apartment after she made the call — the same apartment where Michael allegedly bruised her up earlier this week — and while they were there, Michael allegedly called again.

Officers believed Michael was a “threat,” so they rolled up to his hotel to arrest him…. but Michael tried to escape by hopping his 3rd story balcony but fell 34 feet to the ground, crashing onto some wooden chairs, and then he tried to hide in some trees.

After officers pulled him down, Michael was placed under arrest for violating a condition of his pretrial release and resisting arrest without violence.

In the last week, Lindsay Lohan’s mother has shopped around a tell-all book about her and her father’s been arrested twice, and Lindsay’s been taking off her clothes for money because she can’t afford her lifestyle or the drug habit that’s aging her at an exponential rate. It’s all just so fucking sad, man. It’s like a Shakespearean tragedy, except set in New Jersey trailer park.

The couple in happier, blow-jobbier times:

Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael was arrested last night after beating up his new girlfriend. TMZ says:

Lohan’s girlfriend filed a report with the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department claiming they got into an argument that turned physical… and she had some visible marking from the alleged incident.

Cops went out and tracked down Lohan — and arrested him on suspicion of domestic violence.

Lohan will be charged with domestic violence, false imprisonment, preventing the reporting of victimization.

I hope his girlfriend got a couple of slaps in for his jeans being so goddamn tight. Seriously, what the hell? And don’t lets forget the understated elegance and panache that a muscle shirt brings to the table. It’s a look only an out-of-work porn star circa 1982 could love.

Lindsay at JFK with her mother last week:

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

Lindsay Lohan has sicced her attorneys on her father in an attempt to prevent him from capitalizing on her innermost thoughts and secrets. Radar Online says:

The troubled starlet has fired off a scathing and threatening cease and desist letter to her dad, ordering him to stop selling her personal property.

At the center of the legal spat is Lindsay’s private diary entries she wrote while in drug rehabilitation at Cirque Lodge in Utah in 2007.

The legal letter says she had no idea her father had the diary and she did not give him permission to sell or distribute it.

The lawyer warned that if Michael tried to sell the diary or any other of Lindsay’s personal belongings, Lindsay would exercise all her legal rights and seek damages for a “grave invasion of privacy.”

I always though my dad was embarrassing growing up, but it was more along the lines of black-socks-with-tennis-shoes kind of embarrassing. This isn’t even in the same fucking ballpark. He would have never pilfered my diary and attempted to read it to the entire world so he could turn a quick buck. But that’s because he can still see his reflection in a mirror and doesn’t burst into flames at the sight of a Cross of the Holy Father Benedict. Lindsay should just be glad the “pull down her pants in front of the entire middle school for twenty bucks” ship already sailed ten years ago.

Pics from the Vanity Fair interview Sonya told you about yesterday, plus a couple of her last night:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures, Vanity Fair

Stop me if you’ve heard this one — while Michael Lohan’s fiancée was busy filing a restraining order against him for alleged domestic assault, Michael was releasing secret recordings of phone conversations he had with her to prove she what a f*cking fake using whore gold-digger c*nt bitch she is. Remind me to never move to L.A. Radar Online says:

Kate Major, former magazine reporter and one-time Jon Gosselin gal pal, filed for an order of protection against Lindsay Lohan’s father after she told police he shoved her and kicked her in the face during an argument.

Major has claimed she has photographic evidence and hospital records supporting her version of events after the alleged brawl.

But Lohan turned on Major and threatened retribution against his ex-fiancée the only was he knows how — with audio tapes. The Lohan patriarch said he planned to release [secret] recordings detailing Major’s “legal and personal issues.”

“Because of Kate’s behavior and false claims, I am going to release a statement and only the first of many pictures of Kate (obliterated) as well as the first of multiple recordings,” Lohan [said].

[In return], Major’s camp is suggesting Lohan, a sobriety campaigner and the chief critic of Lindsay’s battles with booze and drugs, has fallen of the wagon. “He tried to hide the drinking,” said one of Major’s pals.

This is a little shocking, because you’d think a man who’d wear a mesh t-shirt out in public would be able to handle personal issues with dignity and poise. Nothing says responsibility like open-weave marquisette polyester. That’s why I wear my fishnet pants to all job interviews and PTA functions.

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