Guests at the Mayfair Hotel and Spa in Coconut Grove, Florida were awakened brighten and early last Sunday by actress Michelle Rodriguez pounding on the door to her room and threatening to withhold sex toys from the inside occupant. Well, you know what they say — the early bird catches the, uh… dildo, I guess. An eyewitness told Rush and Molloy

“I woke up Sunday morning to the sounds of two women yelling, and one of them was smashing the door knocker very loudly. I peeked out and saw it was [Rodriguez]. She’s screaming, ‘Open up, let me in, [bitch]!’

The loud knocking continued for another five minutes, until [Rodriguez] hollered, ‘If you don’t open up, you’re not getting your [dildo] back.’ [That's when] the door creaked open.”

It’s obvious Michelle Rodriguez has had experience in hostage situations, because the ol’ “Dildo Ploy” is favorite of negotiators. The ones who’ve dealt with me, anyway. When I’ve had too much to drink and locked one of my ex-husbands in the hall closet at gunpoint, threatening to take away my ten-inch Nubby Swirl Clit Popper calms me right the fuck down. As do pepper spray and neck restraints, but most people don’t carry that kind of stuff around on their person. Not unless they’re in uniform, anyway. Michelle’s decisive action clearly saved the day!

The hero at the Battle in Seattle Screening After party September 17th:

Hairy-armpitted lesbian Michelle Rodriguez got busted lying about having completed her court-ordered community service and was consequently sentenced to a whopping 180 days in jail for violating her probation. People magazine reports

Michelle Rodriguez was sentenced Wednesday to six months in jail for violating [her DUI] probation… by consuming alcohol while wearing an alcohol-monitoring device [and] turning in a false document [stating] that she completed one day of community service on Sept. 25. The actress later [admitted] that she was in New York on that date.

Superior Court Judge Daviann L. Mitchell ruled that the actress is not to be granted an early release. The Lost star must report to a Los Angeles County jail by Dec. 24. She was also ordered to complete 30 days of road clean-up duty.

In her defense, was it really a lie per se? What actually constitutes “community service?” Is it pounding gin and tonics like a sailor on shore leave in a popular Los Angeles gay bar? What about telling the attractive woman next to you that you were on the hit TV show ‘Lost’? And buying her drinks? Or gently caressing said woman’s inner thigh? What about being up-to-your-ears in said woman’s snatch? I think she’s more than paid her debt to society. The defense rests, your honor.

More of Michelle leaving the courthouse last month after the jump

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