Hi guys, it’s Sonya today. Did you know that nipples can stick to ice? It’s true. Just ask Abby when she gets back.

So, the Grammys happened last night, and like the dedicated blogger that I am, I didn’t watch them. I don’t really care who gets what, because it’s all a bunch of crap anyway. They never mention my favorite group, Captain Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters, so I don’t bother. I am interested in what everyone wore, so here we go:

Taylor Swift’s dress fits kind of weird, I think.

Rihanna chose to let her dress do the choking

During a lapse in security, crazy lady Phoebe Price slipped in, as did super-classy Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi

Pink didn’t need to sneak in, she just snarled at security

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Noah Cyrus, ten-year-old sister of Miley Cyrus, has been on this site twice, both times for being creepy and disturbing (once for dressing like a child prostitute and once for appearing in a YouTube video singing and dancing to Akon’s “Smack That”). Not satisfied with freaking people out by acting like a preteen whore, Noah has moved on to singing about alcoholic partying, appearing in a YouTube video lip-synching (poorly) to Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” with an unidentified man.

This is creepy for many reasons, most of which involve the fact that this kid is TEN YEARS OLD.  She should not be singing about brushing her teeth with a bottle of Jack, trying to get a little tipsy, having plenty of beer, or getting crunk and having boys try to touch her junk.  SHE’S TEN.  Even in the Cyrus family, that shit can wait until she’s at least 12.

In other news, holy hell this is one unfortunate looking kid, huh?  Miley’s kinda homely herself, but DAYUM her little sister is fug.  And that’s some serious Hermione Granger hair she’s got going on.  Your family’s got millions, kid.  I think maybe they’d buy you a brush if you asked nicely.

Everybody hates Miley Cyrus because nobody likes loudmouth white trash, and relatively soon she will have one less venue through which to assault our senses.  Her Disney Channel show “Hannah Montana” is being canceled after its fourth season later this year.  From Us:

Cyrus’ blockbuster show Hannah Montana will wrap production forever in 2010, reps for Disney confirmed to the New York Post Friday. The Disney Channel series — about average teen “Miley Stewart” who secretly moonlights as pop star Hannah Montana — begins shooting its fourth season Jan. 18, concluding sometime this summer.

Hannah Montana’s season-three finale, “Is Miley Saying Goodbye?” airs in mid-March, and mirrors the actress-singer’s own growing pains. “It’s one of the things [her character Miley Stewart] has been wrestling with for months,” Disney Channel executive Andy Bonnett tells the Post. “Whether it’s time to make a decision to continue being Hannah Montana or just be a regular, ordinary girl.” (Season four premieres “in late spring,” and will air throughout 2010, Bonnett added.)

In September 2008, Cyrus squashed rumors that she was trying to get fired from the show, telling UsMagazine.com at the time, “I am fully committed to Hannah Montana. It’s what gave me this amazing opportunity to reach out to so many people.”

Now 17, Cyrus is leaving her show at a high point; it still averages nearly 5 million viewers a week, the Post notes. The maturing star has certainly turned heads over the past year and a half: a half-naked Vanity Fair cover, a stripper-pole performance at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards, a precocious tattoo and countless provocative remarks.

In fact, tween site JSYK.com voted Cyrus the worst celebrity influence of 2009; out of nearly 45,000 votes, Cyrus garnered 42%, beating out Britney Spears (27%) and Kanye West (19%).

But the star has plenty of other projects to keep her occupied: She headlines the Nicholas Sparks romantic film The Last Song (which premieres in April) and makes a cameo in the Sex and the City sequel, which arrives May 28.  “It’s the best job I’ve ever done,” Cyrus said of her appearance in Sex.  She has called her burgeoning film career “my main passion.”

Ugh.  Whatever.  I am so sick of hearing about Miley Cyrus’ goddamn passions.  She’s dumb as a box of hair, she’s a terrible actress, her voice is like nails on a chalkboard, she looks kinda like a chipmunk, she’s got jacked up teeth and gigantic gums and when she smiles it’s like looking through a vortex to hell.  Her father’s a creepy hillbilly, her brother’s a hipster douchebag and she’s got that nine-year-old sister who dresses like she’s working a corner on Sunset and it would just really help me out if that whole Cyrus clan could hurry up and die in a fire.

Miley Cyrus just revealed that she has a heart condition called tachycardia, which means that the resting heart rate exceeds a normal range. Digital Spy elaborates,

Cyrus told WENN that she always worries about her heart when she’s on stage or stressed.

“I try not to get too stressed. I step away from the situation and put myself ten years from where I am now and then say, ‘Alright, is this really something that is going to be significant in my life? Is this going to change where I’m going to be in ten years? At my happiest moment, is this still going to be weighing on my mind? No?’” she said.

“Otherwise I’ll just [worry] myself to death, where I’ll just be like, ‘I have to call, or I have to fix it, or I have to do this’. Finally, it’s just like it will all work out on its own.”

M’kay, I have no idea what that last sentence was supposed to mean, but we’ll just chalk it up to reduced blood flow to the brain. Here’s a health tip for you, Miley: Why don’t you lay off the stripper-pole dancing shenanigans? Why don’t you just do without the theatrics and sing, and give your heart a break? Oh yeah. Because you need all that stuff to distract everyone from the fact that your music is trite crap. My bad. Pump away, little heart!

Always with the damn “peace” sign:

Here are some great pictures of Miley Cyrus performing for thousands of her impressionable little tween fans and their idiotic parents. I still can’t believe that her parents, her DAD especially, is fine with his little girls dressing like tramps. I dunno, there may be something weird going on there. I won’t be surprised if later down the line if Miley reveals that she had a “very close” relationship with her dad. Yuck.

We’re smack dab in the middle of the Christmastime news slowdown, people. No one’s slipping any nipple, no one’s really misbehaving, NOTHING’S FREAKING HAPPENING! So, here’s a really random, really creepy video of some guy made of himself making out with a Hannah Montana towel courtesy of Buzzfeed. In it, the man “undresses” the Hannah Montana towel, feeds her pre-chewed chocolate, makes out with her, and ends by washing her in the sink, all set to the tune of Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares”. It’s almost too gross and creepy to watch, but it was either this or reading about Jon & Kate Gosselin finally getting divorced. After watching this video, you might want that story instead.

Here’s some charming video footage of up-and-coming whorelette Noah Cyrus doing her own version of Akon’s deeply inappropriate song “Smack That”. There to egg her on is daddy-approved pole-dancing big sister Miley. I swear, what the hell has happened to parenting? Everyone’s just fine and dandy with whoring out your kids to make some money. Where do we live, Viet-fucking-nam? At least there, when parents sell kids into sexual slavery, they’re usually doing it for money to buy food. Here? Um, a gold-plated shitter? A shiny new belt buckle the size of a dinner plate? Well I guess I’m expecting too much after they trotted her out looking like Roman Polanski’s wet dream. They may have money, but when it comes down to it, the Cyruses are inbred, backwater hillbillies.

“Hannah Montana” star Miley Cyrus might look like a capybara and have the teeth the size of a deck of cards, but damn if she doesn’t look good in a bikini. This may be the only time you’ll ever hear me say I’m glad Billy Ray didn’t pull out.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

I thought I should put up something that we could all agree we’re thankful for this Thanksgiving — underage girls who dress like sluts and like getting sprayed in the face on camera. I could have just said “your sister,” but I didn’t want to come across like an asshole. Happy Thanksgiving from all of us here at Yeeeah!

Promo stills for Miley Cyrus’ new movie “The Last Song”:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s tax return shows that the couple gave $6.4 million dollars to charity this past year. To put that in perspective, I once gave a hobo half of my Egg McMuffin because I was too hungover to eat it. Showbiz 411 says

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie don’t just talk the talk, they walk the walk. According to the 2008 tax return for the Jolie-Pitt Foundation, the Hollywood couple sent over $6 million to charities last year, more than [doubling] what they gave in 2007.

The biggest recipients of their largesse were: Global Health ($2 million), Human Rights Watch ($1 million), Brad’s Make it Right Foundation ($1 million).

Some other notable contributions: $500,000 to the Armed Services YMCA of the U.S. Army; $50,000 to the Springfield, Missouri Public Schools (Brad’s hometown); and roughly a million dollars to projects in Cambodia, the country from which they adopted their first child.

But for every well-intentioned Brangelina you get in Hollywood, there are a dozen more self-important asswipes that make celebritydom the societal equivalent of amoebic dysentery. Take Disney star Miley Cyrus, for example. Page Six says

When Cyrus and a friend came into the Pop Burger on East 58th Street and ordered, the counter manager asked for her name to mark the order. She snapped back, “Are you serious? You don’t recognize me? I’m Miley Cyrus.” The counterman still had no clue who she was, ran her credit card with her name on it and shrugged, “That’s nice for you. Here is your order.”

“That’s nice for you.” Fucking brilliant. Who the hell does this bitch think she is? The only reason a grown-ass man would know anything about Miley Cyrus is if he has a pre-teen daughter or is a registered sex offender with a record. Miley might want to brush up on her target demographic before she pulls the “I’m Miley Cyrus” card in public again.

Leaving her hotel earlier this month, plus dressed as a prostitute for her birthday and various other inappropriate costumes after the jump:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

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16-year-old Miley Cyrus has been voted 2009’s Worst Celebrity Influence, beating out the likes of Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan in an AOL poll. Now that’s really saying something. Nine MSN says

Those countless photo scandals (both skanky and racist) must have finally come back to bite her on the bum because it’s Miley’s own peers who are voting against her.

The teenager scored a whopping 42 percent of the vote on AOL’s JSYK.com, a website aimed at 9 to 15-year-olds, wining the title of ‘Worst Celebrity Influence’ by a landslide.

Coming in second place and third place were Britney Spears and Kanye West respectively.

In other hot Miley news, it seems that Miley quit tweeting a few months ago because her boyfriend told her to, and now some lunatic has set up a website claiming she will EAT HER OWN PET CAT if Miley doesn’t start Twittering again (see a picture of the intended victim here). Not making this up. Miley Save Fuzzy says

The other day I asked myself: ‘What can I do to bring Miley back to Twitter?’ Then I looked at my cat, Fuzzy and realized, maybe Fuzzy can make the ultimate sacrifice for this cause. It was very difficult for me, as I sincerely love Fuzzy. But my mind is made up. I could always get another cat, but nothing can replace Miley’s tweets for me!

I’ve set a deadline of November 16, 2009, when Fuzzy will part with his life and become a meal. I intend to make a cat dish according to our ethnic cuisine. Fuzzy will receive quick and swift death and I’ll try to minimize his suffering.

How can Fuzzy be saved?

Simple. Miley Cyrus needs to come back to Twitter.

Let me tell you, I have never been so wrongly mislead by the tag words “Miley eating kitty.” Those bastards at MSN fucking owe me.

Miley making a bunch of stupid faces during her SATC cameo (more of her with Kim Cattrall here):

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

I’m not a gay man or a bitter divorcee desperately clinging to what’s left of my rapidly-waning sexuality, so I don’t really give a shit about the Sex and the City sequel. But there are a lot of you out there that are super-excited about the movie, which includes this “surprise” cameo by Miley Cyrus. Pacific Coast News said

“Kim Cattrall and Miley Cyrus shoot a scene for “Sex and the City 2″ where they turn up for a movie premiere in the same outfit! The premiere was for a movie called “Heart of the Desert”, which appeared to star Samantha’s (Kim Cattrall) boyfriend Smith (Jason Lewis). The dresses were by Matthew Williamson.”

When asked for comment on her makeup, Miley reportedly said, “It’s simple. We, uh, kill the Batman.” Why so serious, Miley?

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News