Here’s an enchanting video clip of Miley Cyrus on “The Ellen Degeneres Show”. It’s painful to watch Miley spasdically giggling and flopping around in her chair when Ellen starts questioning her relationship with 20 year-old Justin Gaston. Aside from it being a crime for a man to have sex with an underage girl, I think having sex with an underage girl who’s also mentally disabled probably earns you a place on the expressway to hell.
Miley Cyrus is a no-talent hellspawn, so it pleases me immensely that Justin Gaston (that 20-year-old underwear model living in her house) told reporters at the CMA Awards on Wednesday night that they’re “just friends.” From Access Hollywood:
NASHVILLE - Miley Cyrus has been spotted everywhere recently with model and aspiring singer Justin Gaston, but the 20-year-old former “Nashville Star” contestant denies having a relationship with the 15-year-old Disney star.
“Oh, just family friend, you know,” Gaston said at the CMA Awards on Wednesday night.
“I met Billy Ray on the show and just became friends with the whole family. And they’re such a great family,” Gaston continued. “I moved (to LA) two years ago and started a modeling career and that’s kind of just to break into the music business and everything.”
Oooohhhhhh, I see. So he’s really doing the dirty with Billy Ray? It’s all starting to make sense to me now.
Miley, Billy Ray and Justin at Wednesday night’s CMAs:
15-year-old Disney slutbag Miley Cyrus and her 800 bodyguards disrupted the Christian Audigier fashion show on Wednesday so that she could mime licking 20-year-old boyfriend Justin Gaston’s ballsack as he walked down the runway. Suck on that, Mickey! Page Six says
Gaston and Cyrus… “were all over each other backstage.” Every time Gaston walked, he would blow a kiss and wink at his teenage girlfriend, who in turn, “licked her lips seductively as he passed her.”
Cyrus was surrounded at all times by five bodyguards who “banned anyone from getting near her and formed a barrier so she wouldn’t be touched or bothered by anyone.”
It might seem a little excessive, but I understand Miley’s need for the five-man-deep bodyguard blockade. I really do. Because I imagine anyone who gets within ten feet of this stupid bitch has to muster every last bit of self-control not to punch her big ugly teeth right down her big stupid gullet. My ass-kickin’ foot involuntarily starts twitching the moment I even start writing about her. Fortunately, I’ve only ever had to use it once, when that old lady cut in front of me at the buffet line at Shoney’s, but you can rest assured it’s definitely primed for a chance meeting with our little Hannah Montana.
Holy crap it is a slooow news day, so here are some pictures from last Sunday of that assclown Miley Cyrus at her Disneyland Sweet 16 birthday party, for which she charged a $250/person entrance fee (because she is a giver). The header image has nothing to do with her stupid birthday party; I just liked the idiot look on her face and the fact that there’s a random picture of her cradle-robbing, underwear-modeling boyfriend attached to it for some unknown reason.
Miley Cyrus is still suffering under the delusion that her 20-year old boyfriend is only interested in good clean fun. OK! Magazine says,
Miley Cyrus is so excited about her new man, underwear model Justin Gaston, that she can’t bear for them to be apart!
“Justin and Miley are constantly texting each other,” a friend of Justin tells OK!. “They text things like, ‘I miss you so much,’ and ‘I can’t wait to see you.’ It’s all very cute and lovey-dovey. Justin also thinks highly of Miley’s opinion — he’s thinking about getting a tattoo and was asking her for ideas.”
One time when I was 15 I went to the fair and there was like this totally cute carnival worker, and I and my friend hung out at his booth amidst the stuffed Tweety Birds and inflatable hammers and flirted with him. He was 23 years old and I was so flattered that he told me I was pretty and I felt so grown-up and cute. I totally convinced myself that he wasn’t after some underage tail and that he was really a nice guy! Then I learned from the toothless hag who sold cotton candy that he was the Carney Slut and worked all the girls. My twee little heart was broken! Here’s hoping that little Miley doesn’t end up pregnant. Actually, I’ve got a bet going on at work that she ends up either pregnant or in rehab by her 18th birthday. I’ve got 3 years to go and things are looking promising!
Last week, it was widely rumored that Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus wanted off Disney gold mine “Hannah Montana” so that Miley could focus on her singing career. TMZ reported
Our spies on the set tell us Miley has bragged that she will get fired, making it clear she wants to focus on singing and not the show. For his part, Billy Ray has also made it clear that there is more money in singing than a Disney cable show. The father-daughter team has been showing up to the set ridiculously late, stalling production and infuriating cast and crew.
Billy Ray has told people on the set that he and Miley will do 12 more episodes and then they are out. Disney was so pissed they called his agent, railing that Billy Ray and Miley [will] not only finish the 24 episode season, but [that] Disney was adding six more episodes.
But now that the Disney machine’s gotten a hold of her, Miley’s singing a different tune. Get it? Singing? Ha ha! Try not to cut yourself on my rapist’s wit. Miley told People
“I am fully committed to Hannah Montana. It’s what gave me this amazing opportunity to reach out to so many people. We have an amazing cast that is so supportive, including my dad who has been there for me every step of the way. I’m really excited about our new season. We are making great new episodes that I can’t wait for our fans to see.”
Oh, that’s right, bitch. When Disney says jump, you say “how high?” And also, “how far should I spread my cheeks apart?” and “do you want me to bend over, or should I just kneel?”
At the Coffee Beam Tea Leaf in Toluca Lake on Friday:
15-year old Miley Cyrus and her 20-year old underwear model boyfriend Justin Gaston made it to the house of the Lord this past Sunday in matching jeans and wifebeaters. Or as I like to call it, the standard white trash ensemble. As seen on television’s C.O.P.S and Jerry Springer! Throw in an extra-wide belt buckle and barf-stained imitation suede cowboy boots and you’ve got yourself a bonafide State of Tennessee Dress Uniform. WIC checks, generic brand cigarettes and statutory rape charges sold separately. See Wal-Mart for details.
For all my seizure-loving fans out there, here’s cyberslut Miley Cyrus shopping in a dress that appears to have been designed by M.C. Escher’s retarded cousin. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I squint or which angle I turn my monitor, I still see Miley Cyrus’ face. Where are the explorations of infinity and impossible objects? The dress gets an epic fail in the school of graphic arts. A+ in the school of epilepsy, but epic fail in the school of graphic arts. Please excuse me while I twitch and try not to bite off my tongue.
Slutty Miley Cyruscell phone pictures seem to show up on the internet every goddamn day here lately, so — per the usual — here’s more slutty Miley Cyrus cell phone pics on the internet. If you’re into being a registered sex offender and horse-themed porn, then these ought to be right up your alley. That is where your kind park your unmarked GMC vans and wait, right?
Singer Katy Perry will attend the Miley Cyrus-hosted Teen Choice Awards this August, and she’s already got some big ideas for the show. Us Weekly says
Katy… joked, “[I'd like to kiss] Miley Cyrus [at the Teen Choice Awards!] Maybe we’ll have another Britney-Madonna moment on stage. How hilarious would that be? Although I don’t think it would help her career. However, it would definitely help mine!
Miley’s response to Katy’s tongue-in-cheek request? Massive bitchiness. According to E! Online
“No thanks,” Miley told Marc Malkin. “She sang on my record. So I think she’s kind of getting back at me, because she was doing harmonies and backgrounds.” Meow!
“Getting back at her?” What the hell is that? That doesn’t even make any sense. Katy’s response (via Hollywood Grind):
“6 weeks in a row at number one, and Miley recorded two of my old songs.”
Which old song? Oh, just the song that is burning up the charts for Miley, which Miley forgot to attribute to Katy. The song is called Breakout, which Katy Perry recorded several years ago, and Miley both copied, and used Breakout as the title track for her Breakout album.
What an ungrateful, hypocritical, self-important little twat. She’ll happily take pictures of herself bending over in her underpants and in a wet t-shirt and pulling down her pants, but God forbid she banter back a harmless joke about kissing Katy Perry. She’d do well to remember that you should never bite the hand that feeds you. Especially if that hand is prettier and more talented and doesn’t smell like Billy Ray Cyrus’ asshole.
Miley Cyrus believes the time has come to pull the plug on her hit Disney show “Hannah Montana.” According to OK! Magazine
“We’re thinking this is our last season,” Cyrus said.
In response to rumors that she’s trying to distance herself from her Disney family, Cyrus says, “I’m still with my family. They always feel like home, and that’s what I love about the company. They are family.”
In case you’re wondering, that up there is the stance you take when you want to wave good-bye to your career with Disney. It also happens to be the same stance you take when you want to wave hello to a career in B-movies and soft core porn. The world is your oyster, Miley!
More slutty Miley Cyrus pictures hit the net over the weekend — these supposedly hacked from her cellphone and intended for Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers. Hannah Montana, now with more wet t-shirt and bare midriff action! Arrest record sold separately. According to Nine MSN
The supposed email hacker bragged that these were the most innocent of the photos he found, and that he would be selling the rest to the highest bidder.
“I have worse pictures than these,” he posted on the Digital Gangster forum, “and those are prob getting sold. I saw alot (sic) of juicy emails, but I never thought of saving them.. now I kick myself for not.. there where (sic) so many juicy emails that I read…”
“Juicy” ‘tween text messages? Sorry, but my panties don’t drop at the sight of multiple consonants in all capital letters. I’m an old-fashioned kinda girl. I like my slut talk long-winded and ripe with vowels, preferably in scrolling cursive on perfumed stationary. Also acceptable: extreme close-ups of your wiener. I guess it’s more of a generational thing, really.
