16-year-old Miley Cyrus has been voted 2009’s Worst Celebrity Influence, beating out the likes of Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan in an AOL poll. Now that’s really saying something. Nine MSN says

Those countless photo scandals (both skanky and racist) must have finally come back to bite her on the bum because it’s Miley’s own peers who are voting against her.

The teenager scored a whopping 42 percent of the vote on AOL’s JSYK.com, a website aimed at 9 to 15-year-olds, wining the title of ‘Worst Celebrity Influence’ by a landslide.

Coming in second place and third place were Britney Spears and Kanye West respectively.

In other hot Miley news, it seems that Miley quit tweeting a few months ago because her boyfriend told her to, and now some lunatic has set up a website claiming she will EAT HER OWN PET CAT if Miley doesn’t start Twittering again (see a picture of the intended victim here). Not making this up. Miley Save Fuzzy says

The other day I asked myself: ‘What can I do to bring Miley back to Twitter?’ Then I looked at my cat, Fuzzy and realized, maybe Fuzzy can make the ultimate sacrifice for this cause. It was very difficult for me, as I sincerely love Fuzzy. But my mind is made up. I could always get another cat, but nothing can replace Miley’s tweets for me!

I’ve set a deadline of November 16, 2009, when Fuzzy will part with his life and become a meal. I intend to make a cat dish according to our ethnic cuisine. Fuzzy will receive quick and swift death and I’ll try to minimize his suffering.

How can Fuzzy be saved?

Simple. Miley Cyrus needs to come back to Twitter.

Let me tell you, I have never been so wrongly mislead by the tag words “Miley eating kitty.” Those bastards at MSN fucking owe me.

Miley making a bunch of stupid faces during her SATC cameo (more of her with Kim Cattrall here):

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

I’m not a gay man or a bitter divorcee desperately clinging to what’s left of my rapidly-waning sexuality, so I don’t really give a shit about the Sex and the City sequel. But there are a lot of you out there that are super-excited about the movie, which includes this “surprise” cameo by Miley Cyrus. Pacific Coast News said

“Kim Cattrall and Miley Cyrus shoot a scene for “Sex and the City 2″ where they turn up for a movie premiere in the same outfit! The premiere was for a movie called “Heart of the Desert”, which appeared to star Samantha’s (Kim Cattrall) boyfriend Smith (Jason Lewis). The dresses were by Matthew Williamson.”

When asked for comment on her makeup, Miley reportedly said, “It’s simple. We, uh, kill the Batman.” Why so serious, Miley?

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus showed off a new ten-years-too-late nose piercing while cruising around Hollywood with her mom yesterday. Maybe next she can do the Macarena and start a wicked-cool Pog collection.

^{PHOTO SOURCE: Splash News}

Billy Ray Cyrus just doesn’t understand why daughter Miley’s pole dance at the Teen Choice Awards earlier this month was such a big freakin’ deal. It’s just a 16-year old in hot pants squatting around a pole, and besides, if there’s anything Hollywood has taught us, it’s that hypersexualizing teenage girls always has a happy ending. Just ask Britney Spears! He told Us Magazine

“You know what? I just think that Miley loves entertaining people,” he [says] of his 16-year-old daughter, who swirled around a pole attached to an ice cream truck during her performance of “Party in the USA” Aug. 10.

“I always tell her to love what you’re doing and not worry so much about opinion. I give my kids a lot of freedom. I think it’s important.”

Trish and Billy Ray really should’ve named her Fancy instead of Miley. They already put her in a dancin’ dress (okay, dancin’ shorts) and whored her out uptown. “Just be nice to the gentlemen, Fancy, and theyll be nice to you!” It’s almost like Reba McEntire wrote that song just for her.

Whoring out her new Max Azria line for Wal-Mart:

Here’re pictures of Miley Cyrus last night at the Teen Choice Awards, making another great public image move. There’s all sorts of arguments going on about whether she really was using the pole as a dancing prop or just something to keep her balance, but that just sounds stupid. Unless there’s colored ribbon coming out of the top and those trampy backup singers are singing “Here We Go Round the Maypole”, it’s a fucking stripper pole!

The Teen Choice Awards took place last night, but it’s not airing until tonight, which doesn’t make any sense to me. I suppose it’s a test of willpower for the tweens who watch this shite to not go online and you know, see who won ahead of time. Me, personally, I’m not the least bit interested in who won what when your nominees include Douche Pack members like Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, and Zac Efron. I’d rather just look at pictures and make fun of everyone, wouldn’t you?

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Disney execs have alerted the LAPD that a middle-aged man arrested for stalking Miley Cyrus in Georgia last month has been released because of jail overcrowding — despite the man telling the cops that Cyrus sends him “secret messages” through her television show. The NY Daily News says

McLeod was arrested [in Georgie last month] near where Cyrus was filming her upcoming movie, “The Last Song.”

McLeod allegedly tried to head-butt one officer as he was being handcuffed. “I will [fucking] be with Miley!” he screamed as he tussled with police. “Nobody will ever be able to keep us apart.”

McLeod told [police that] Cyrus had accepted his marriage proposal and that her father, Billy Ray Cyrus, had given him his blessing. He told cops he had “thousands of pictures [of] Miley on his computer,” and had mailed her diamond rings… [and] that Cyrus’ responses came in the form of ’secret messages’ on her television show directed only to him.”

Police believe McLeod is obviously delusional.

“Obviously delusional?” We die-hard Miley fans prefer the term “visionaries,” thank you very much. You’ll see for yourself when the new Hannah Montana World Order is set into motion and Disney finally lays claim to your souls! Mwah hah ha ha!

An interview the NY Daily News did with him back in March:

It looks like Trace Cyrus, Miley Cyrus’ unfortunate-looking brother, got thrown in the inbred end of the gene pool, but apparently that does it for some girls, like saccharine sweet Disney trick-turner Demi Lovato. NineMSN claims the two are a couple:

Miley Cyrus’s rocker brother Trace certainly does have a weakness for his sister’s Disney pals. First he declared his love for Vanessa Hudgens, claiming he was way hotter than her squeaky clean boyfriend Zac Efron, and now he’s fallen for Disney darling Demi Lovato… and she’s fallen for him!

The unlikely couple have made it all public via some flirty messages on Twitter.

“@ddlovato you don’t realize how excited I am! My tour manger is bookin my flight now! Your all I’ve thought about ever since I left town. <3″ Trace wrote to Demi.

To which Demi responded: “@tracecyrus soon! I’m so excited!!!! <3″
And just to make things super-official, this morning Miley Cyrus Twittered her blessing for the new couple! “I miss @tracecyrus he is the best big brudder ever!!! I reallllyyyy realllyy miss @ddlovato! These 2 are the best! Couldn’t live without em!”

Well now, doesn’t that just make you want to barf rainbows? No, seriously. I was eating Fruity Pebbles when I read that twatriffic piece of drivel and it all came back up. I think Trace’s soft pink nipples are going to haunt my dreams.

With his band Metro Station at TRL MTV in Milan, Italy.

Pictures of Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus performing oral sex on an unidentified wiener are tearing up the interwebs today (click header for an extremely edited version of the photo — she’s underage, and experience has taught me that “pedophile” is a hard label to shake). Some are claiming the pictures have been photoshopped using old photographs (see photos of Miley in a similar position here), while others are claiming that they are 100% real-deal Miley sausage gobbling. Personally, I’m of the persuasion that the photo is a fake. Mostly because there’s no way in hell Nick Jonas actually has a penis. Show me something with a lot less testicle and little more beef curtain the next time around and maybe I’ll buy it.

Miley kissing co-star Liam Hemsworth while filming “The Last Song in Savannah”:

Miley Cyrus and Justin Gaston are through with their pedophilic shenanigans.  I guess either his shelf life expired or she got too old for him.  Either that or she got bored with playing out her daddy issues for the international press.  From E! Online:

The 16-year-old starlet has ended her nine-month romance with the 20-year-old underwear model, sources close to the duo exclusively confirm to E! News.

The Hannah Montana star called things off last week as she prepared to leave Los Angeles for two months to shoot her Nicholas Sparks movie, The Last Song, in Savannah, Ga.

Speculation of trouble peaked yesterday when the two simultaneously twittered about tears and goodbyes.

A source close to the couple says both of them are really heartbroken over the split.

Well, that’s pretty lame and boring, but there’s apparently more to the story.  Supposedly, it was a Jonas Brother who drove a wedge between the knicker dummy and the hillbilly:

Gaston, a Louisiana native, has told pals that the star’s resurrected friendship with Nick Jonas this spring was his Achilles’ heel.

“She obviously has been hanging out with Nick again a lot, and Justin was cool with it at first, as long as it was just a cool, friendly thing,” says an insider. “She didn’t cheat, but I guess Nick was trying to get her back the whole time.”

Yeah, that’s still totally boring.  I can’t even put into words how little I care about some dirty old man panty mannequin’s angst, or about Hannah Montana and Little Jonas dry humping each other whilst praying or whatever.  Everyone involved in this nonsense is creepy and disgusting.

I don’t know who’s responsible for making Megan Fox look like this, but I think we can all agree on one thing here: that person should be horse-whipped repeatedly and left for dead. It’s a good thing I’m not a Sith lord. The kind of anger these pictures inspire would make me more powerful than any Jedi’s ever dreamed of.

Megan Fox:

Miley Cyrus:

Kristen Stewart, non-conformist in the most conformist way possible:

Leighton Meester, or Aeon Flux?

Anna Faris’ dress courtesy Hefty Cinch Sak:

Miley Cyrus‘ 20-year old boyfriend Justin Gaston offers a little insight into the inner machinations of a male model’s mind in a positively riveting interview in next month’s Details magazine.

On who would play him in a movie:

“I think if Ashton Kutcher played me, like, he would be probably a funnier me. He’s a pretty funny guy. But I’m going to say Johnny Depp, just cause I really like Johnny Depp and we’re just going to be crazy, like. Like Johnny Depp’s going to play like an older me. He’s gonna be like me when I’m older. Cause he’s a really cool and he’s a great actor so then I’ll seem really cool.”

On who he would like to trade lives with:

“I’d like to be one of those lap dogs that just get petted all day. Cause they just have the best life. They wake up, they get fed and they have attention all the time. I like attention. I don’t like to be by myself, so I want to be one of those little dogs. Is that weird?”

Then he said, “I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is” before adding, “You know, words can only hurt you if you try to read them. That’s why I don’t play their game.”