Last night was the Oscars, and I continued my long tradition of not watching them, so you can rest assured that I well prepared to comment on everyone’s frocks. And by “well-prepared”, I mean downloading a bunch of pictures and posting them here. What can I say, I chose to spend my evening playing Star Wars: The Old Republic over watching a parade of actresses sashay across the screen in gowns that cost more than I’ll make in 10 years. Hey, my jedi guardian isn’t going to level up by herself, you know. Anyway, here’s a short list of the winners:

Best Picture: The Artist

Best Actor: Jean Durjardin

Best Actress: Meryl Streep

Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer

Best Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer

For the full list, click here.

Angelina Jolie struck a pose in a black Versace dress split thigh-high:

Penelope Cruz glowed in her periwinkle Armani Prive:

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The 2012 Pirelli Calendar calendar — easily the most pretentious of all your gratuitous-titties-masquerading-as-art calendars — is set for release at the end of this year, and a preview of this year’s famous racks include those of Kate Moss, Lara Stone, Mila Jovovich and Isabeli Fontana. I’ve never wanted to seize the day with both hands before. And then motorboat the day like there was no tomorrow.

Hello, my lovelies.  It’s Sarah today, and I’ll be with you all week whilst Abby attends a special training camp to perfect her nude human cannonball.  Anyway, I went out Saturday night and didn’t get home until 8:05am today, so I’m feeling the effects of my weekend right now.  How about you look at some pictures of pretty people with tiny tots, and I’ll go mainline some caffeine?

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Milla Jovovich is kind of crazy.  She designs wackadoo clothes, offers her unfiltered opinion on whatever subject pops into her head, and makes hilariously awesome, asskicking action movies.  Naturally, I love her a lot.  She’s also insanely gorgeous and terribly fond of getting her kit off, so I can’t possibly imagine why you wouldn’t love her, as well.

Here’s Milla in the March ’09 issue of Interview magazine.  You’re welcome: