How do you know when to address someone as “esquire?” You could look for a top hat and gilded cane, of course, or maybe white gloves and a British accent. But the easiest way to come across an esquire is to wait in a Waffle House parking lot for a fight to erupt and voilà! Esquires all around. NY Daily News reports

Kid Rock, whose real name is Robert Ritchie, and five members of his entourage were charged with simple battery after the predawn fight with a man police identified as Harlen Akins. The fracas erupted as Kid Rock and his crew pulled up at the Waffle House restaurant about 5:15 a.m. after a gig in Atlanta. Akins, 39, got into a shouting match with a female friend who was accompanying Kid Rock’s posse and then got into a physical fight. Kid Rock, 36, and his pals jumped into their tour bus and drove off, but cops said they stopped the bus nearby and arrested them.

It’s pretty much a fact that the mullet is the modern-day man’s princely crown. His F150 is his noble steed, his roadie crew his band of merry men, and his gonorrhea a coat of shining armor. Being with Kid Rock is just like living in a fairy tale! Only with more Boone’s Farm and burning when you pee.

Kid Rock’s disproportionately attractive girlfriend May Andersen:

UPDATE: Now with mug shot!