Former model Samantha Burke unveiled the five-week old results of her one-night stand with actor Jude Law in an exclusive interview with this week’s Hello! magazine. The Daily Mail says

Miss Burke, who reportedly earned $300,000 for the Hello! photoshoot, said: ‘I think [Jude will] fall in love with her when he sees her. She has his chin and nose, and she does a little pout that I notice that he’s done before.”

But Miss Burke [admitted that] he has not yet traveled to meet Sophia.

Asked if she had received any presents from Jude, who demanded a DNA test a few months ago, the former model [said], ‘No, nothing.’

Unless you count the genital herpes she got from him ten months ago, but I wouldn’t really call that a present per se. It’s not like you can return it at a department store. But fortunately, you can always re-gift it!

Jude playing soccer with his legitimate children:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

A group of spoiled rich teenage girls living in Calabasas were arrested on late last week in connection with the robberies of Lindsay Lohan (here), Paris Hilton (here), Audrina Patridge (here) and Orlando Bloom (here) over the last year. People magazine says

Rachel Lee, 19, Diana Tamayo, 19, Courtney Ames, 18, Alexis Neiers, 18, and Nicholas Prugo, 18, launched into a year-long crime spree in which thousands of dollars of designer clothes, jewelry, bags and other luxury items were taken [from the aforementioned celebrities]. All fingers point to 19-year-old Lee as the alleged ringleader, who had an apparent fascination with Hollywood fashion.

The gang allegedly located the addresses of celebrities using Hollywood star maps and the Internet, and calculated when the stars wouldn’t be home based on their appearance schedules.

Giving the arrests another Hollywood twist, after Neiers posted bail, she was picked up by her sister, Playboy model Tess Taylor, who showed up at the jail early Friday morning with a camera crew in tow. Taylor and Neiers are the subject of a reality show pilot for E!.

My hard-hitting journalistic flair for truth makes it easy to cut through all the “background information” and “facts” in this story and get to what really counts: boobs. Namely, that one chick’s Playboy model sister’s boobs. I can almost smell the Pulitzer from here!

Check out more of Tess naked at Playboy’s Cyber Club (all thumbs NSFW):

Sheesh, Miranda Kerr has gotten awfully bony lately! Her new, skinnier figure might be due to an attempt to get into the world of avant garde modeling. Says Daily Mail,

The former Maybelline model - the world’s tenth highest earning model - has been much in demand for the lingerie brand, and for swimwear shoots for magazines such as Sports Illustrated.

But the 26-year-old Australian cut a distinctly emaciated on a fashion shoot for magazine Grazia in Sydney.

From the back she looked virtually unrecognisable as she posed in a tightly laced corset on the rooftop of the Museum of Contemporary Art.

Miranda’s ribs protruded, and her skin was tightly stretched across her bony back. Her thin arms also looked extremely sinewy.

The reason for the Australian’s sudden weight loss is not exactly hard to fathom.

It seems her ambitions to do high fashion modelling were realised earlier this month she made an appearance on the catwalk for Balenciaga, the fashion world’s coolest label right now.
miranda kerr

The model’s girl next door look was erased and she was unrecognisable in straightened slicked back hair and heavy catwalk eye make up.

In case you don’t remember, this is what she used to look like. My daddy always said that wasting curves on a woman was criminal–which I suppose is why he’s in the county jail for being a pimp.

Meet George Clooney’s latest conquest, MTV Italy TRL host Elisabetta Canalis. George was photographed canoodling with the 30-year old in Rome over the weekend. It’s great, I suppose, if you’re into the whole “super-flexible swimsuit model” thing. Personally, it’s not really my cup of tea. I think “Rubenesque gossip blogger/Star Wars buff with a barely-noticeable limp” would be a way better match for the Silver Fox. Call me, George!

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Miley Cyrus‘ 20-year old boyfriend Justin Gaston offers a little insight into the inner machinations of a male model’s mind in a positively riveting interview in next month’s Details magazine.

On who would play him in a movie:

“I think if Ashton Kutcher played me, like, he would be probably a funnier me. He’s a pretty funny guy. But I’m going to say Johnny Depp, just cause I really like Johnny Depp and we’re just going to be crazy, like. Like Johnny Depp’s going to play like an older me. He’s gonna be like me when I’m older. Cause he’s a really cool and he’s a great actor so then I’ll seem really cool.”

On who he would like to trade lives with:

“I’d like to be one of those lap dogs that just get petted all day. Cause they just have the best life. They wake up, they get fed and they have attention all the time. I like attention. I don’t like to be by myself, so I want to be one of those little dogs. Is that weird?”

Then he said, “I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is” before adding, “You know, words can only hurt you if you try to read them. That’s why I don’t play their game.”

Our good friends over at The Dirty got their paws on a picture of Miss California Carrie Prejean posing topless before earning her crown — and several much-more-naked pictures will supposedly be making their way to the interwebs soon. Posing nude obviously doesn’t mesh with the ultra-conservative Christian values champion image she’s been cultivating since her infamous “I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman” response at the last month’s Miss USA competition. But no doubt about it — that’s her. Topless. TMZ says

Carrie’s rep… gave us this statement yesterday: “This was a photo that was taken several years ago, when Carrie first started modeling. An agent convinced her to pose for this photo to submit to a lingerie company, claiming they could make her the next Victoria’s Secret model. She has since learned what a lie that was, and what a mistake it was to have the photo taken.

Is there any allowance for the fact that she was a minor when the photo was taken, that would allow you not to post? She was only 17.”

A honcho at Miss California USA told us Carrie may have violated her contract, because she represented several times in writing that she never posed nude or partially nude for any photo. We’re here to tell you … that’s not true, [but] we haven’t posted the pics and won’t unless we know she was over 18.

Underneath their posturing and sense of self-righteousness, Bible-beater types are all insatiable sluts. Trust me, I know. My dad was a preacher. Years of shame and sexual repression are a veritable breeding ground for all kinds of fetishes and unchecked deviance. You put that guilty desire in the right hands and you will discover a world of pleasure the likes of which you’ve never known. And by “right hands” I of course mean “tequila.” The cheaper the better.

Russian pop singer/model Oksana Pochepa is claiming to be piece of ass responsible for the demise of Mel Gibson’s marriage, but the women pictured with him in Costa Rica and on the set of his new movie look nothing like her. The Daily Mail says

Oksana Pochepa, 24, said she was the unidentified female photographed with the star during his Boston shoot of new movie Edge Of Darkness. She said she was also with him on holiday in Costa Rica.

However, the fair Miss Pochepa looks very different to the dark-haired woman who visited Gibson in Boston. The woman who embraced Gibson on a Costa Rican beach also bears little resemblance to Pochepa, leaving Mel linked to and pictured with no less than four women.

Mel Gibson might be a confirmed drunk and a whoremonger, but I don’t know if we can trust this Oksana chick. Something about her story doesn’t add up. And it’s not like Russians haven’t been caught lying before. Like last year when they claimed they were still a democracy and that one time they said they weren’t drunk. I’ll believe that when I see it!

All the various kitty he’s been linked to, and a bonus Oksana music video after the jump.

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Since no respectable director in Hollywood wants anything to do with her ass, Lindsay Lohan has set her sights on becoming a runway model. According to OK! Magazine

[Lindsay] said that she would love to sign up with IMG, a top modeling agency that has been home to Kate Moss, Tyra Banks and Naomi Campbell.

And now an agency exec has told OK! that he would be happy to start negotiations with her. “She’s a beautiful girl and obviously knows a lot about fashion,” the Senior Vice President of IMG Models told us. “Providing that she was contractually free, we would take a meeting,” he added.

I did a little modeling myself back in the day, when I was in eighth grade and this photographer I met at the mall said I was a natural and that I should come back to his studio and to do a couple of head shots. Only his “studio” turned out to be the trunk of his car and the head shots didn’t involve my head at all, only my rectum and a tub of Crisco. You can see why it’d be the perfect career choice for Lindsay Lohan.

Shopping with Sam Ronson in Hollywood:

Madonna left Marcelleria steakhouse in Manhattan’s meatpacking district yesterday with 22-year old Brazilian model Jesus Luz in tow. Could it be that Madonna has finally found true love? What is it that Tall, Dark and Handsome sees in The Lizard King? The Daily Mail says

Since being linked to Madonna, Jesus’ modeling career has been given a huge boost. His former agent [said] that Jesus stopped taking his calls after meeting Madonna and has now signed to the more high profile Ford Models.

Madonna’s finally found the ultimate way to piss of the Catholic church — having sex with Jesus for money. I guess my “defecating in the Pope hat” suggestion just didn’t pack enough of a wallop.

Bless you, my child:

Recognize the chick on all fours tonguing the magazine laying on the ground? I didn’t think you would. The above photo is one of many less-than-demure shots of George Clooney’s girlfriend Sarah Larson, a “model” from Vegas, taken a month after they were first introduced. Star Magazine says

“She’s been described as having a successful runway and print modeling career. But until recently, her “modeling career” consisted mostly of being paid by promoters… to attend special events in sexy outfits and party with her wild girlfriends! Sarah… loves to drink. She likes to get wasted when she goes out.”

And therein lies the rub, ladies. Despite a man’s willingness to drop $29.95 and two hours on a Saturday watching footage of young coeds exposing their breasts and soaping each other up in front of an audience of intoxicated post-pubescent males, the response is decidedly less positive when said footage includes you. Especially if he is unaware said footage existed beforehand. Doubly especially if said footage may or may not have been filmed while he was holed up in your honeymoon suite with a case of the shits while you “went for a nature tour to Chichen Itza.” Trust me, “I was in college” and “Me no hablo ingles” will only work so many times before they start demanding paternity tests again.

More NSFW pictures here.