Here’s Sarah Jessica Parker in New York this weekend, rockin’ her ‘Roos and her mom jeans. This is why you steer clear of 12-inch zippers and M.C. Skat Kat’s kicks. And unless you have Bells Palsy and dilated pupils, wearing those sunglasses and making that face. It’s definitely a NOT for me.

Light wash not-so-momsy cropped denim in the gallery above; mom jeans defined below:

Helpful hint: if you have to unbutton your jeans to sit down comfortably, your pants are either 1. Too tight and/or 2. Too damn high-waisted. If the case is #2, then that begs the question: What the fuck are you wearing mom jeans for? I’m looking at you, Miley Cyrus.

Photo source: Fame Pictures

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